Scapegoating in Families, Scapegoat, nj therapist, nyc counselor, nyc therapist
Courtney Glashow
What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A ...

While everyone suffers and goes through uncomfortable situations from time-to-time, that does not mean that you should be left to suffer. In a scapegoating situation, you as the scapegoat are the one who assumes responsibility on behalf of someone else. This is not a voluntary position that you offer, instead it is pushed upon you. 

Scapegoating can occur in many different environments. Most commonly, people discuss scapegoating dynamics within families. For more information, read our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families.” In families, a scapegoat can be unfairly blamed for conflicts within the family.

With that being said, scapegoating can occur in other relationships as well. At work, an employee or group of workers may be blamed for company-wide or organizational problems. At school, a student may be targeted for classroom concerns. Within communities, certain people may be blamed for widespread social problems. Regardless of the setting, the act of scapegoating is always used to intentionally shift blame and avoid addressing the reality of a situation and the actual issues at-hand.

What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A Scapegoat
Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
love bombing, nyc therapist, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing

Love bombing is a specific type of emotional abuse. It is a tactic where someone will “bomb” you with extreme displays of affection and attention. While it may seem like this person has fallen head over heels and madly in love with you, there is a darker truth to the matter. A love bomber is using their grand gestures with the intent of manipulating you. 

Being showered with love and affection can feel good and even positive at the very beginning of the relationship, but it can lead to serious issues down the road, like gaslighting and abuse. Love bombing is a very common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths in relationships so they can control you.

Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right

adult therapy

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The Warning Signs of Depression in Men

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The Warning Signs of Depression in Men

Men are often taught to be strong, self-reliant, and emotionally reserved which can make depression in men harder to recognize and even harder to talk about. Unlike the stereotypical image of sadness or tears, male depression often shows up as irritability, anger, exhaustion, or withdrawal. Many men struggle in silence, dismissing their symptoms as stress or burnout, while the weight of untreated depression continues to grow.

Recognizing the early warning signs can be life-changing. From sudden mood shifts and loss of interest in activities to changes in sleep, work performance, or risky behavior, these signals should not be ignored. Understanding what depression looks like in men is the first step toward breaking stigma, encouraging honest conversations, and seeking the right support before things escalate.

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10 Type A Personality Traits That Drive Success

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10 Type A Personality Traits That Drive Success

If you have ever been described as competitive, driven, or always “on the go,” you might recognize yourself in the world of Type A personalities. Known for their ambition, focus, and relentless pursuit of goals, individuals with strong Type A personality traits often stand out in high-performance environments. They set high standards, manage their time carefully, and rarely shy away from a challenge. But what exactly makes these traits so powerful and how do they translate into real-world success?

In this blog, we will explore 10 Type A personality traits that drive success, from unwavering determination to exceptional organizational skills. Whether you identify as Type A yourself or work alongside someone who does, understanding these characteristics can help you harness their strengths while staying mindful of potential downsides. Let us take a closer look at the qualities that fuel achievement and shape some of today’s most motivated individuals!

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How to Plan A Trip When You Have Claustrophobia

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How to Plan A Trip When You Have Claustrophobia

Traveling is an exciting way to explore new cultures, meet people, and create unforgettable memories but, for those with claustrophobia, even the thought of crowded airports, cramped airplane seats, or tight hotel rooms can turn a dream trip into a stressful experience. Planning ahead is key to minimizing anxiety and ensuring that your journey feels safe and enjoyable rather than overwhelming. With the right strategies, it is possible to design a travel experience that accommodates your comfort needs without missing out on adventure!

From choosing destinations that feel spacious and open to selecting accommodations and transportation that prioritize personal space, careful planning can make a world of difference. This guide will walk you through practical tips and considerations for every stage of your trip, from booking flights and packing smartly to navigating crowded tourist spots, so that claustrophobia does not stand in the way of your desire to travel. By approaching travel thoughtfully, you can transform potential stressors into manageable steps and truly enjoy the journey ahead.

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6 Common Myths About ENM Relationships and Why They Are Wrong

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6 Common Myths About ENM Relationships and Why They Are Wrong

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is often misunderstood, and many of the ideas floating around about it are more myth than reality. From assumptions that ENM relationships are inherently unstable to the belief that jealousy makes them impossible, misconceptions can create unnecessary fear or judgment for those exploring this relationship style. These myths not only misrepresent the experiences of people in ENM but also make it harder for newcomers to approach it with confidence and clarity. Understanding what ENM truly is and what it is not is the first step in challenging these misconceptions!

In reality, ENM relationships come in many forms, from open relationships to polyamory, and can be deeply fulfilling when approached ethically and intentionally. Just like any other relationship, success in ENM depends on communication, trust, and respect- not on rigid societal norms about monogamy. By examining the most common myths and setting the record straight, this blog aims to shed light on how ENM works in practice, offering a clearer, more accurate perspective for anyone curious about exploring alternative ways of loving.

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How Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Struggle with Excessive Guilt

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How Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Struggle with Excessive Guilt

Growing up with emotionally immature parents can leave deep, invisible scars which is one of the most common being a pervasive sense of guilt. Children of parents who struggle to regulate their emotions, empathize, or set healthy boundaries often internalize blame for things that are not their fault. Check out our blog “6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Enforce Them.”

From an early age, they may feel responsible for their parent’s moods, happiness, or conflicts, carrying an invisible weight that follows them into adulthood. This guilt is not just occasional, it can become a constant companion, shaping relationships, self-esteem, and decision-making for years to come.

The struggle with excessive guilt in these children is often misunderstood. Outsiders may see them as overly sensitive or self-critical, but in reality, their guilt is a learned survival mechanism. It stems from growing up in an environment where love and approval were conditional, emotional needs were overlooked, and mistakes were magnified. Understanding how this guilt develops is the first step toward breaking the cycle, reclaiming self-worth, and learning to differentiate between responsibility and unnecessary self-blame.

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for OCD: How It Works and Why It Helps

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for OCD: How It Works and Why It Helps

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is widely recognized as one of the most effective treatments for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCD is characterized by persistent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental rituals (compulsions) aimed at reducing anxiety. These patterns can interfere with daily life, relationships, and overall well-being. CBT for OCD is a structured, evidence-based approach that helps individuals understand the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and gradually learn to respond to obsessions in healthier ways. Unlike medications alone, CBT addresses the root patterns that maintain OCD symptoms.

One of the key components of CBT for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which involves facing feared situations or intrusive thoughts without engaging in compulsive behaviors. Through this process, individuals learn to tolerate uncertainty and anxiety, ultimately reducing the power of obsessions over time. CBT also incorporates cognitive restructuring, helping clients challenge unhelpful beliefs and develop more balanced thinking patterns. Delivered by trained therapists at Anchor Therapy, CBT for OCD empowers individuals to regain control, improve daily functioning, and build long-lasting coping skills that support a more balanced, fulfilling life.

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Emotional Avoidance Behind Hyper-Independence

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Emotional Avoidance Behind Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independence is often celebrated in our culture as strength, resilience, and self-sufficiency. Yet, for many people, it is not just a preference, it is a protective strategy. At its core, hyper-independence can be a form of emotional avoidance, a way to manage uncomfortable feelings like fear, vulnerability, or shame. By relying solely on themselves and refusing help from others, hyper-independent individuals can avoid confronting emotions that feel unsafe, unfamiliar, or overwhelming. Over time, this pattern may create the illusion of control while actually limiting connection, intimacy, and personal growth.

Understanding the emotional roots of hyper-independence is essential for breaking the cycle. People who grew up in environments where asking for help was discouraged, unsafe, or met with criticism often learn to suppress emotional needs and rely entirely on themselves. While this strategy may have been adaptive in childhood, it can become limiting in adulthood, leading to isolation, burnout, and difficulty forming meaningful relationships. In this blog post, we will explore how emotional avoidance fuels hyper-independence and practical steps to start embracing connection and vulnerability safely. Read our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable.”

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Holiday Stress Archetypes: Are You the Over-Planner, Peacekeeper, or Procrasinator?

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Holiday Stress Archetypes: Are You the Over-Planner, Peacekeeper, or Procrasinator?

The holidays may be a time filled with nostalgia and celebration, but beneath the glitter lies a familiar tension many of us try to hide. From last-minute shopping to emotional family dynamics, stress shows up in wildly different ways and most of us fall into predictable patterns without even realizing it. That is where the idea of holiday stress archetypes comes in. These personality-driven patterns shape how we plan, react, and cope during the busiest season of the year, and understanding them can help you navigate the holidays with far more clarity and calm.

This year, instead of pushing through on autopilot, take a closer look at your holiday habits. Are you the over-planner who finds comfort in perfectly color-coded lists? The peacekeeper who smooths over every conflict and ends up emotionally drained? Or the procrastinator who waits until deadline pressure kicks motivation into high gear? Identifying your archetype is not about labeling yourself. Instead, it is about uncovering what you need to stay balanced, joyful, and grounded during a season that often demands more than it gives. Let us explore how recognizing your patterns can transform the way you experience the holidays!

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What Does OCD Look Like In A Relationship?

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What Does OCD Look Like In A Relationship?

Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be difficult to spot from the outside, especially within the context of a relationship. Many people imagine OCD as constant hand-washing or a need for perfect organization, but in romantic partnerships it often shows up in far more subtle and emotional ways. Intrusive thoughts, fears of making a “wrong” choice, or rituals aimed at relieving anxiety can all quietly shape how someone shows up with their partner- sometimes without either person realizing OCD is the driving force.

When these patterns unfold inside a relationship, they can impact trust, communication, intimacy, and the overall sense of connection. A partner with OCD might seek repeated reassurance, overanalyze every interaction, or feel overwhelmed by guilt or doubt. Their partner may feel confused, drained, or unsure how to help. Understanding what OCD can look like in a relationship is the first step toward navigating it with empathy, clarity, and healthier patterns for both people involved.

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Why Perfectionists Struggle with Sleep

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Why Perfectionists Struggle with Sleep

Perfectionists often pride themselves on discipline, high standards, and attention to detail but those same traits can come with a hidden cost: sleepless nights. When the mind is constantly evaluating, planning, and replaying “what could have been done better,” it is hard to fully switch off. Even small mistakes or unfinished tasks can trigger worry and rumination, making it nearly impossible to drift into deep, restorative sleep. For perfectionists, bedtime is not just a chance to rest, it can become another arena for self-criticism and mental overdrive.

Understanding why perfectionists struggle with sleep requires looking beyond lifestyle habits and examining the underlying psychological patterns. The need for control, fear of failure, and tendency to overanalyze can keep the brain in a heightened state of alertness long after the day ends. By exploring the connection between perfectionism and insomnia, we can uncover strategies to quiet the mind, manage expectations, and finally allow rest to feel deserved rather than earned.

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Are You Anxiously Attached or Just Feeling Insecure? A Guide to Telling the Difference

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Are You Anxiously Attached or Just Feeling Insecure? A Guide to Telling the Difference

It is easy to assume that feeling needy, worried, or “too much” in relationships means you have an anxious attachment style, but that is not always the case. Many people experience insecurity at times, especially in new relationships or moments of uncertainty. Insecurity is a feeling. Anxious attachment is a pattern. And while the two can look similar on the surface, understanding the difference can help you avoid mislabeling yourself and begin addressing the real issue underneath.

In this guide, we will break down how anxious attachment differs from everyday insecurity, why the distinction matters, and how each one shows up in your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Whether you are trying to understand your own patterns or you are simply curious about relationship psychology, this breakdown will give you clarity, language, and practical insight you can use right away.

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Returning to Work After Loss

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Returning to Work After Loss

Returning to work after experiencing a loss can feel overwhelming as grief does not follow a set schedule and often does not pause when life demands productivity. The workplace, with its deadlines, meetings, and social expectations can amplify feelings of exhaustion, emotional vulnerability, and disconnection. Many people find themselves juggling the need to perform professionally while navigating waves of sadness, guilt, or anxiety which can make even familiar tasks feel daunting.

Yet, returning to work can also offer structure, purpose, and a sense of normalcy during a difficult time. With the right strategies and support, it is possible to honor your grief while gradually re-engaging with your professional responsibilities. In this post, we will explore practical ways to navigate this transition, manage emotional triggers, and seek support in the workplace so that returning to work becomes a step toward healing rather than an added source of stress.

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Attachment Styles and Self-Esteem

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Attachment Styles and Self-Esteem

Our sense of self-worth does not form in isolation as it grows through our earliest relationships. The way we learn to connect, depend on others, and feel safe in love becomes the blueprint for how we see ourselves. This blueprint is known as our attachment style. Whether you identify as secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant, your attachment style subtly shapes how you view your value in relationships and the world around you.

When self-esteem and attachment intertwine, they can create either a strong foundation of confidence or a cycle of self-doubt and emotional insecurity. Understanding this connection is a powerful first step toward healing. By recognizing how attachment patterns influence the way you talk to yourself, trust others, and set boundaries, you can begin to rebuild self-esteem that comes from within, not from the approval or affection of others.

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The 5 Best Spots to WFH in Hoboken

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The 5 Best Spots to WFH in Hoboken

Working from home has its perks- no commute, cozy clothes, and your favorite coffee just steps away. But spending all day in the same space can start to blur the lines between work and rest which can take a toll on your mental health. Changing your environment, even just for a few hours, can boost focus, creativity, and emotional well-being. For many people, a simple shift to a different setting, especially one with natural light and a bit of buzz, can make the workday feel lighter and more balanced.

At Anchor Therapy, our mental health counselors know that taking care of your mind means finding small ways to refresh your routine. Hoboken offers plenty of welcoming spots that are perfect for working remotely, from cozy coffee shops to peaceful parks with Wi-Fi. Whether you are looking to power through emails or simply reconnect with your surroundings, here are some of the best spots in Hoboken to work from home without actually staying home.

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Which Type of Insomnia Do You Have?

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Which Type of Insomnia Do You Have?

Struggling to sleep is not just frustrating- it can take a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. But what many people do not realize is that insomnia is not a one-size-fits-all problem. There are different types, each with its own causes, patterns, and psychological impact. Some people cannot fall asleep no matter how exhausted they are, while others wake up at 2 or 3 a.m. and cannot get back to sleep. Understanding the type of insomnia you are experiencing is the first step toward getting the right kind of support.

At Anchor Therapy, our sleep anxiety counselors often see clients who have been battling insomnia for months or even years without knowing there is more than one way it can present. Knowing whether your insomnia is acute, chronic, sleep-onset, or sleep-maintenance related can help guide treatment options, whether that is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), trauma-focused care, or stress management techniques. In this blog, we will break down the common types of insomnia and explain why identifying your specific sleep pattern is so important for finding relief that lasts.

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