Scapegoating in Families, Scapegoat, nj therapist, nyc counselor, nyc therapist
Courtney Glashow
What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A ...

While everyone suffers and goes through uncomfortable situations from time-to-time, that does not mean that you should be left to suffer. In a scapegoating situation, you as the scapegoat are the one who assumes responsibility on behalf of someone else. This is not a voluntary position that you offer, instead it is pushed upon you. 

Scapegoating can occur in many different environments. Most commonly, people discuss scapegoating dynamics within families. For more information, read our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families.” In families, a scapegoat can be unfairly blamed for conflicts within the family.

With that being said, scapegoating can occur in other relationships as well. At work, an employee or group of workers may be blamed for company-wide or organizational problems. At school, a student may be targeted for classroom concerns. Within communities, certain people may be blamed for widespread social problems. Regardless of the setting, the act of scapegoating is always used to intentionally shift blame and avoid addressing the reality of a situation and the actual issues at-hand.

What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A Scapegoat
Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
love bombing, nyc therapist, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing

Love bombing is a specific type of emotional abuse. It is a tactic where someone will “bomb” you with extreme displays of affection and attention. While it may seem like this person has fallen head over heels and madly in love with you, there is a darker truth to the matter. A love bomber is using their grand gestures with the intent of manipulating you. 

Being showered with love and affection can feel good and even positive at the very beginning of the relationship, but it can lead to serious issues down the road, like gaslighting and abuse. Love bombing is a very common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths in relationships so they can control you.

Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right

Can journaling help with overthinking

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Why Motivation Fails and What Actually Works Instead

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Why Motivation Fails and What Actually Works Instead

Motivation often feels like the key to achieving goals, yet it frequently falls short when it is needed most. People start projects with enthusiasm only to find their drive fading after a few days or weeks. This pattern is not a sign of failure. Instead, it is a natural consequence of relying on willpower alone, without systems or habits to support progress. Understanding why motivation falters can reveal better ways to create lasting momentum.

Rather than waiting for inspiration to strike, success comes from building consistent routines, breaking goals into manageable steps, and creating structures that encourage follow-through. Small, deliberate actions, combined with clear priorities and accountability, tend to produce far more reliable results than bursts of enthusiasm. By shifting focus from fleeting motivation to practical strategies, meaningful progress becomes achievable even when initial excitement wanes.

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Everyday Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Tools for Hoboken Residents

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Everyday Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Tools for Hoboken Residents

Life in Hoboken can be fast-paced, vibrant, and full of little stressors, from the morning rush along Washington Street to navigating crowded weekend spots by the waterfront. Amid the city’s energy, it is easy to get caught up in negative thoughts, anxiety, or frustration over things beyond your control. That is where Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) comes in. REBT offers practical tools to help you identify irrational beliefs, challenge them, and replace them with healthier, more rational ways of thinking which turns everyday stress into opportunities for calm and clarity.

For Hoboken residents, applying REBT does not always mean setting aside hours for therapy sessions. It is about using simple, everyday strategies to respond more effectively to life’s challenges whether that is dealing with traffic on Sinatra Drive, handling work stress, or navigating social pressures in a tightly knit community. By integrating REBT into your daily routine, you can develop a mindset that’s both resilient and rational, helping you enjoy Hoboken’s unique charm without letting small frustrations take over!

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How to Plan A Trip When You Have Claustrophobia

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How to Plan A Trip When You Have Claustrophobia

Traveling is an exciting way to explore new cultures, meet people, and create unforgettable memories but, for those with claustrophobia, even the thought of crowded airports, cramped airplane seats, or tight hotel rooms can turn a dream trip into a stressful experience. Planning ahead is key to minimizing anxiety and ensuring that your journey feels safe and enjoyable rather than overwhelming. With the right strategies, it is possible to design a travel experience that accommodates your comfort needs without missing out on adventure!

From choosing destinations that feel spacious and open to selecting accommodations and transportation that prioritize personal space, careful planning can make a world of difference. This guide will walk you through practical tips and considerations for every stage of your trip, from booking flights and packing smartly to navigating crowded tourist spots, so that claustrophobia does not stand in the way of your desire to travel. By approaching travel thoughtfully, you can transform potential stressors into manageable steps and truly enjoy the journey ahead.

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Emotional Avoidance Behind Hyper-Independence

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Emotional Avoidance Behind Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independence is often celebrated in our culture as strength, resilience, and self-sufficiency. Yet, for many people, it is not just a preference, it is a protective strategy. At its core, hyper-independence can be a form of emotional avoidance, a way to manage uncomfortable feelings like fear, vulnerability, or shame. By relying solely on themselves and refusing help from others, hyper-independent individuals can avoid confronting emotions that feel unsafe, unfamiliar, or overwhelming. Over time, this pattern may create the illusion of control while actually limiting connection, intimacy, and personal growth.

Understanding the emotional roots of hyper-independence is essential for breaking the cycle. People who grew up in environments where asking for help was discouraged, unsafe, or met with criticism often learn to suppress emotional needs and rely entirely on themselves. While this strategy may have been adaptive in childhood, it can become limiting in adulthood, leading to isolation, burnout, and difficulty forming meaningful relationships. In this blog post, we will explore how emotional avoidance fuels hyper-independence and practical steps to start embracing connection and vulnerability safely. Read our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable.”

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What Are The Four Types of Codependency?

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What Are The Four Types of Codependency?

Codependency is a behavioral and emotional condition where individuals prioritize others’ needs over their own, often leading to unhealthy relationships. Research shows that the four main types of codependency include the caretaker, enabler, controller, and adjuster. The caretaker constantly sacrifices their own well-being to care for others, often feeling needed as a way to gain self-worth. The enabler supports or covers for another person’s harmful behavior, such as substance abuse, to avoid conflict or guilt, indirectly allowing the destructive patterns to continue.

The controller type tries to manage or dictate the behaviors of others to maintain a sense of stability, often stemming from fear of chaos or loss. The adjuster, on the other hand, adapts their behavior to please others, suppressing their own emotions and desires to avoid rejection or disapproval. Recognizing these types is crucial for self-awareness and personal growth, as each can impact relationships differently and may require targeted strategies for healthier interactions and boundaries.

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Holiday Stress Archetypes: Are You the Over-Planner, Peacekeeper, or Procrasinator?

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Holiday Stress Archetypes: Are You the Over-Planner, Peacekeeper, or Procrasinator?

The holidays may be a time filled with nostalgia and celebration, but beneath the glitter lies a familiar tension many of us try to hide. From last-minute shopping to emotional family dynamics, stress shows up in wildly different ways and most of us fall into predictable patterns without even realizing it. That is where the idea of holiday stress archetypes comes in. These personality-driven patterns shape how we plan, react, and cope during the busiest season of the year, and understanding them can help you navigate the holidays with far more clarity and calm.

This year, instead of pushing through on autopilot, take a closer look at your holiday habits. Are you the over-planner who finds comfort in perfectly color-coded lists? The peacekeeper who smooths over every conflict and ends up emotionally drained? Or the procrastinator who waits until deadline pressure kicks motivation into high gear? Identifying your archetype is not about labeling yourself. Instead, it is about uncovering what you need to stay balanced, joyful, and grounded during a season that often demands more than it gives. Let us explore how recognizing your patterns can transform the way you experience the holidays!

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How Couples Can Navigate Pregnancy Stress Together with Therapy

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How Couples Can Navigate Pregnancy Stress Together with Therapy

Pregnancy is often portrayed as a joyful and exciting time, but for many couples, it can also bring unexpected stress, anxiety, and emotional challenges. Hormonal changes, physical discomfort, financial pressures, and the anticipation of becoming parents can create tension, misunderstandings, or even feelings of isolation within a relationship. These stressors are natural, but if left unaddressed, they can affect communication, intimacy, and overall emotional well-being for both partners.

Working with a couples counselor here at Anchor Therapy offers you and your partner a structured, supportive space to navigate these challenges together. Through perinatal or couples therapy, partners can learn effective communication strategies, manage anxiety, and develop shared coping skills to handle the unique pressures of pregnancy. It is not just about resolving conflict, it is about strengthening connection, fostering mutual understanding, and preparing both partners emotionally for the transition into parenthood. By addressing stress as a team, couples can create a healthier, more resilient foundation for their growing family.

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How Can I Increase My Concentration and Focus?

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How Can I Increase My Concentration and Focus?

In today’s fast-paced world, maintaining concentration and focus can feel like an uphill battle. Between constant notifications, multitasking, and mental fatigue, it is easy to get distracted and struggle to stay on task. Whether you are trying to excel at work, study more efficiently, or simply manage daily responsibilities, understanding how attention works and learning strategies to strengthen it can make a meaningful difference in your productivity and overall well-being.

Improving focus is not just about willpower, it involves creating the right environment, cultivating healthy habits, and training your brain to stay engaged. Small, intentional changes in your routine can have a significant impact, from minimizing distractions and organizing your workspace to practicing mindfulness and managing energy levels throughout the day. In this blog, we will explore practical, evidence-based ways to boost your concentration and sustain mental clarity so you can approach tasks with greater efficiency and confidence.

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Returning to Work After Loss

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Returning to Work After Loss

Returning to work after experiencing a loss can feel overwhelming as grief does not follow a set schedule and often does not pause when life demands productivity. The workplace, with its deadlines, meetings, and social expectations can amplify feelings of exhaustion, emotional vulnerability, and disconnection. Many people find themselves juggling the need to perform professionally while navigating waves of sadness, guilt, or anxiety which can make even familiar tasks feel daunting.

Yet, returning to work can also offer structure, purpose, and a sense of normalcy during a difficult time. With the right strategies and support, it is possible to honor your grief while gradually re-engaging with your professional responsibilities. In this post, we will explore practical ways to navigate this transition, manage emotional triggers, and seek support in the workplace so that returning to work becomes a step toward healing rather than an added source of stress.

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Living with Emotional Numbness After Trauma

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Living with Emotional Numbness After Trauma

For many survivors of trauma, the world does not just simply feel different, it actually feels muted. Emotions that once came easily may now seem distant or entirely absent, leaving a sense of disconnection from oneself and others. This emotional numbness is a common but often misunderstood symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a protective response of the brain designed to shield us from overwhelming pain. While it may feel like a relief in the short term, over time, the inability to feel joy, sadness, or even anger can create its own form of suffering, affecting relationships, daily life, and self-perception.

Living with emotional numbness can be confusing and isolating. You might find yourself watching life pass by from behind a fog, unsure if what you are experiencing is “normal” or permanent. Yet, it is important to know that emotional numbness is not a personal failing. Instead, it is a signal from your nervous system that it needs safety, time, and gentle care. Understanding why this numbness occurs and learning strategies to reconnect with your emotions are critical steps toward reclaiming a sense of vitality and engagement in your life.

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What Are Signs of the Fawning Response?

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What Are Signs of the Fawning Response?

When we talk about trauma responses, most people are familiar with fight, flight, or freeze. But there is another lesser-known reaction called fawning- a survival mechanism where a person seeks to appease others to avoid conflict, criticism, or harm. This often looks like people-pleasing, over-apologizing, or abandoning personal needs in order to maintain peace or feel safe. While it may appear as kindness or agreeableness on the surface, fawning can be a deep-rooted response to past emotional or relational trauma.

Recognizing the signs of a fawning response is essential for anyone working on setting healthier boundaries or healing from trauma. From difficulty saying “no” to constantly anticipating others’ needs, the behaviors linked to fawning often go unnoticed because they are socially rewarded. In this post, we will explore the key indicators of the fawning response, why it develops, and how awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your authentic self.

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How to Respond to Constructive Criticism with A Growth Mindset

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How to Respond to Constructive Criticism with A Growth Mindset

Receiving constructive criticism can stir up a range of emotions- defensiveness, embarrassment, even self-doubt. But when viewed through a mental health lens, it is clear that how we respond to feedback can deeply impact our emotional well-being and personal growth. Instead of seeing criticism as a threat, reframing it as an opportunity for self-awareness and development can help build resilience and emotional intelligence.

In this blog, we will explore healthy, grounded ways to respond to constructive criticism while safeguarding your mental health. From recognizing emotional triggers to practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, you will learn strategies to handle feedback without letting it erode your self-worth. Growth does not mean perfection. Instead, it means learning how to listen, reflect, and move forward without losing your sense of self.

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How Does Grief Affect Your Identity?

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How Does Grief Affect Your Identity?

Grief does not just change how we feel- it can fundamentally alter who we believe we are. When someone close to you dies, especially a partner, parent, child, or lifelong friend, it is not only the relationship you lose, but also the roles you held in connection to them. A spouse becomes a widow, a daughter becomes an only child, a caregiver suddenly has no one to care for. These identity shifts can feel disorienting as if the ground beneath us has shifted and we are left searching for a new version of ourselves in the aftermath.

What makes this identity loss so profound is that it often goes unspoken. We expect grief to come with tears and sadness, but not with a crisis about yourself. Yet, many people find that after loss, they no longer recognize themselves or the life they imagined. The process of grieving, then, becomes not just about mourning the person who is gone, but about reconstructing an identity in a world that looks and feels entirely different than what you are used to.

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5 Ways Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Can Help You Grow

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5 Ways Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Can Help You Grow

Personal growth goes beyond merely achieving your goals- it is all about changing how you think, feel, and respond to the challenges that life throws your way. One powerful therapeutic tool that can be used for personal transformation is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). REBT is a form of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that was developed by psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis. REBT helps you realize that your beliefs, not external events, are the real source of your emotional distress. By challenging irrational thoughts, you can create long-lasting emotional and behavioral change.


In this blog post, we will explore five practical ways REBT can help you grow whether you are looking for improved emotional control, better relationships, or a stronger sense of self. When you learn to identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts that hold you back, you can replace them with rational, empowering thoughts that support your personal growth journey. Let us dive into how REBT can help you become a more grounded, fulfilled version of yourself!

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5 Ways to Fix Stress-Induced Insomnia

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5 Ways to Fix Stress-Induced Insomnia

Stress and sleep have a complicated relationship- one that many of us know all too well! When life feels overwhelming, our minds do not always get the memo that it is time to wind down. Instead of drifting into peaceful slumber, we lie awake with racing thoughts, tense bodies, and a growing sense of frustration. Stress-induced insomnia can start as the occasional restless night, but over time it can spiral into a cycle of chronic sleeplessness that impacts every area of life, from focus and productivity to mood and overall health. Luckily, you are not powerless in the face of stress or sleepless nights. Understanding the connection between the two is the first step toward breaking that cycle.


In this post, we will walk through five practical and effective ways to address stress-induced insomnia. These strategies are not just about getting more sleep- they are about improving the quality of your rest by calming your nervous system and creating a more sleep-friendly mindset and environment. Whether you are someone who struggles to fall asleep, wakes up frequently through the night, or dread bedtime because of the stress it seems to bring, these techniques are designed to meet you where you are. From nighttime rituals and breathing exercises to simple lifestyle shifts, each method offers a realistic path toward more restful nights and more energized days.

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Can You Grieve Before Someone Dies?

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Can You Grieve Before Someone Dies?

Grief is often thought of as something that begins after a loss, a shadow that remains after a loved one passes. But for many, the grieving process starts long before a final goodbye. Whether it is a terminal diagnosis, a slow decline from a disease, or the fading of someone you love due to emotional or physical distance, anticipatory grief can hit just as hard (sometimes even harder) than the mourning that comes later. It is a quiet, complex sorrow, often misunderstood or left unspoken, that lives in the space between hope and reality.

Anticipatory grief challenges the way we think about loss. It is not just sadness- it is fear, guilt, helplessness, and even moments of clarity and gratitude all tangled together. You might find yourself grieving memories that have not yet been made, or mourning a relationship that is changing rapidly right before your eyes. In this blog post, we will explore what anticipatory grief really feels like, why it happens, and how to navigate it with compassion for yourself and others.

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6 Ways to Overcome Emotional Eating

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6 Ways to Overcome Emotional Eating

Emotional eating is a common struggle many people face, often turning to food as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, sadness, or even boredom. Instead of eating out of hunger, emotional eating involves using food as a source of comfort which can lead to overeating and unhealthy food choices. This cycle can be difficult to break, especially when food provides temporary relief from overwhelming emotions. However, recognizing the pattern is the first step toward gaining control and developing healthier habits!


Overcoming emotional eating requires a combination of mindfulness, emotional awareness, and practical strategies. By understanding the emotional triggers behind your cravings and finding alternative ways to address them, you can build a healthier relationship with food. In this blog, we will explore six effective strategies to help you break free from emotional eating, regain control of your eating habits, and foster a more balanced and mindful approach to food.

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