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Maybe you're the family member who always gets called difficult or dramatic, and things go wrong and somehow land on you. Your side of the story gets waved off, and every argument traces back to your name. If that feels familiar, there's a word for it. Scapegoating is when a family unfairly blames one person for problems they didn't cause. It often starts in childhood, long before you're old enough to question it, and over time it can shape how you see yourself.
You're walking on eggshells in your own home. Conversations that should be simple turn into something you have to brace yourself for, and the moment you push back on anything, the script flips and somehow you're the bad one. You've started Googling words like "narcissist" and "manipulation" at 11pm because you don't know what to call what's happening, but you know something is wrong. You searched for how to deal with a narcissist, and you landed here. This post walks through what actually counts as narcissistic behavior versus everyday self-centeredness, what to watch for in your own relationship, and 8 specific strategies our therapists at Anchor Therapy use with clients who can't, or aren't ready to, leave the relationship.
The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
While everyone suffers and goes through uncomfortable situations from time-to-time, that does not mean that you should be left to suffer. In a scapegoating situation, you as the scapegoat are the one who assumes responsibility on behalf of someone else. This is not a voluntary position that you offer, instead it is pushed upon you.
Scapegoating can occur in many different environments. Most commonly, people discuss scapegoating dynamics within families. For more information, read our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families.” In families, a scapegoat can be unfairly blamed for conflicts within the family.
With that being said, scapegoating can occur in other relationships as well. At work, an employee or group of workers may be blamed for company-wide or organizational problems. At school, a student may be targeted for classroom concerns. Within communities, certain people may be blamed for widespread social problems. Regardless of the setting, the act of scapegoating is always used to intentionally shift blame and avoid addressing the reality of a situation and the actual issues at-hand.
When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.
On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.
You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.
Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.
Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.
Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.
Do you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you have to follow a schedule or routine at all times? Do you try to control other people in your life? If you are dealing with control issues, it is likely that you feel like you must exert power over your life, relationships, and general environment. In some cases, this exertion of power may extend to the life of other people.
Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviors of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.
When you think of a child, you probably imagine a young person who is resilient and fast-moving. These traits may cause you to believe that situations do not leave a lasting impact on children’s emotional health; however, that is not the case. If left unsolved, your emotions that came from a traumatic experience as a child can live in your subconscious mind. This will continue to affect you until you detect, process, and solve it. In order to heal childhood trauma as an adult, you have to learn how to process painful emotions.
A healthy way to respond to childhood trauma occurs right after the trauma has taken place. When the trauma occurs, you recognize that it is an offense to yourself. Afterward, you would feel your emotions and acknowledge the fact that the offense does not dictate anything about you personally. In other words, you do not make a negative meaning out of what occurred. Generally, it is rare for people to react in this manner.
This process is not automatic. Certain emotions, like rage and unhappiness, are difficult to express. On top of that, some cultures may view this outpouring of emotions to be socially unacceptable. Therefore, this causes many people to suppress their emotions. For a kid, this process is even more burdensome. For instance, someone may comment on a child’s weight or a part of their body which can cause a long-lasting inner dialogue to occur in the kid’s head, creating body dysmorphia. While this can happen to adults as well, it may be easier for an adult to push aside outside commentary in comparison to a child.
A lot of our clients find themselves giving away too much of themselves to others to a point that they feel worn out. Especially in this time during the holidays, people feel they need to give everything they can to others. Whether that is lending an ear to friends in need, giving gifts, or going above and beyond for others. If you find yourself doing to this to the point of exhaustion then you may be a people-pleaser. This usually means that you are taking care of others around you before you take care of yourself. Our clients who present as people-pleasers usually find themselves feeling anxious, drained, and overwhelmed.
Most people who experience anxiety over analyze everything happening in their life constantly. People with anxiety are either over analyzing something that happened in the past or they are worried about what might happen in the future. A common example of a worry is about future plans. People who experience anxiety are more likely to cancel their plans last minute because they are spending so much of their time stuck worrying.
Whether you have anxiety yourself, or you know someone who has anxiety, then it would be helpful to learn more about anxiety and how it can sometimes present as not caring for others and not wanting to be social. but that is not what is actually going on. When people with anxiety cancel plans last minute, there is usually much more going on.
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You watch someone on Severance walk through the elevator doors at Lumon Industries and instantly forget every worry from their outside life. For one second, you feel something close to envy. The Apple TV+ show imagines a surgical procedure that splits a person's memories in two: one version of you exists only at work, and another exists everywhere else.
Severance is a psychological thriller. A company offers its employees a procedure that permanently separates work memories from personal ones. The show has become a cultural touchstone. It takes something a lot of people already wish for, a clean break between work and everything else, and turns it into something deeply unsettling.
In this post, we'll look at the real psychology behind the show's work-life balance themes, what the "innie" and "outie" split gets right about dissociation, and why so many viewers say it feels less like science fiction and more like an exaggerated day at the office.
Your brother says he "doesn't know how" to book your mom's follow-up appointment. So you do it, again. Your dad still can't figure out the thermostat after fifteen years in that house. So you drive over and reset it yourself.
You've stopped asking why. You already know the answer. If you wait long enough, it becomes your job. That quiet, exhausting handoff has a name.
Weaponized incompetence is when someone repeatedly performs a task poorly, or insists they can't do it at all, until someone else steps in and takes it over. It isn't always a conscious choice. But the pattern still shifts the workload, the planning, and the mental load onto one person in the family. In this post, we'll look at how weaponized incompetence shows up between siblings and parents, how it differs from an actual skill gap or learned helplessness, and what you can do when you're the one who always ends up handling it.
Flying monkeys meaning explained by our Hoboken, NJ therapists: the people a narcissist recruits to pressure you, and how to protect your peace.
Bridgerton family expectations hit a nerve for a lot of viewers, and Anthony Bridgerton is usually why. He inherits the title at 18 after his father dies, and from that day on he's the one holding everyone together. If you grew up as the reliable one in your family, watching him grind through duty after duty probably feels a little too familiar.
That specific weight, getting handed adult responsibility before you're ready for it, has a clinical name. Parentification is when a child takes on adult-level responsibility for a parent's emotional needs, household duties, or younger siblings, well before they're developmentally ready for it.
Out of Body is a Netflix documentary that follows Noah Kahan for about a year, and it's the first time he's talked publicly about his OCD diagnosis and years of body dysmorphia. Fans expected tour footage and Vermont scenery. What they got was a look at two things he'd kept almost entirely private. If you've been searching for what he actually said, this post walks through it.
A one-sided friendship is one where one person does most of the work. You reach out first. You remember the small stuff. You show up when things get hard. Here's how to spot the pattern and what to do once you see it.
Birth trauma PTSD is far more common than people realize, and it's rarely talked about. Here's what the symptoms actually look like, why some births feel traumatic even when the outcome is fine, and how trauma-informed therapy in Hoboken, NJ can help you heal.
Not sure if it's anxiety? Take our anxiety quiz and get 5 calming tips you can use right away.
Doctors and nurses keep saying The Pitt is the first show that got their job right, and the burnout is the part it nails hardest. Here's what the show gets accurate, what healthcare burnout actually involves, and how therapy can help you carry it differently.
Parentification is what happens when a child ends up taking care of the parent instead of the other way around. Here's how to recognize it, and what it actually costs you later.
Main character energy is everywhere on social media right now. Here's what it actually means for your mental health, and where the trend can go wrong.
Is the oldest really bossy and the baby really spoiled? Here's what birth order theory actually says about your personality, your relationships, and who you tend to date, plus what the newest research says about whether any of it holds up.
Love bombing can leave you doubting everything you felt. Here's how to recover from love bombing, why it hits so hard, and the steps that help you heal and trust yourself again.