Grief Counseling
You may be experiencing:
Disbelief and denial
Shock
Distress
Anger
Periods of sadness or depression
Lack of sleep
Change in appetite
What is grief?
Grief is a common emotional response (and in some cases a common physical response) that you can feel after experiencing loss from a disaster or traumatic event. Bereavement is a specific type of loss you can experience when you lose someone you loved.
Grief does not discriminate- children, teens, adults, and seniors can all experience grief; however, how each person processes the event is different. Feelings can range, whereas one person feels deep sadness, another person may showcase their grief through angry outbursts. Each person grieves in their own way. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. A person’s grief largely depends on their personal attachment to what was lost.
If the loss is so large that it is too overwhelming to perform your standard daily tasks, it can take a serious toll on your mental health. That is why it can be important to work with a specialized grief therapist who can help you work through your emotions and feel like your best self again.
What are common emotions I should feel after a loss?
While there are common feelings that many people share after the loss of a loved one, there is no one specific way you “should” feel. Everyone feels differently after losing someone or something, and that is perfectly okay.
With that being said, there are various stages and ranges of emotions that people feel during the grieving process.
The five stages of grief
Most likely, you have heard about the five stages of grief. This concept was coined by a psychiatrist in the 1960’s and many people continue to look towards this model for guidance throughout their grieving process. Over time, psychologists and mental health professionals have concluded that the five stages of grief are to be looked at as more of a general guide. When you are grieving, you may not experience these five stages in order and you may not experience a stage entirely. Since everyone grieves differently, this is okay. When reading the five stages of grief below, keep in mind that you may not identify with all of these stages or the order. The way you are grieving is still okay and valid.
Typically, grief is referred to as a reaction to death, but it can occur at any time when reality is not what we wanted, hoped for, or expected.
The five stages of grief are:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
More details about each stage of grief:
DENIAL
Denial can look like:
Saying “It is fine” even when it is not
Being easily distracted
Forgetting things
Avoiding people, situations, and settings
Engaging in mindless behaviors
Procrastinating your work and other tasks
Overbooking your schedule so you are busy at all times
Denial can feel like:
Shutting down
Shock
Numbness
Confusion
2. ANGER
Anger can look like:
Sarcasm
Irritability
Being aggressive or passive-aggressive
Pessimism
Cynicism
Getting into verbal arguments or physical altercations
Anger can feel like:
Rage
You are acting “out of control”
Impatience
Frustration
Resentment
Embarrassment
3. BARGAINING
Bargaining can look like:
Over-thinking
Worrying
Contemplating the past or future
Perfectionism
Comparing oneself to others
Thinking/saying “If only I…”, “I should have done this…”, etc.
Judgment towards oneself and other people
Always assuming the worst about the future
Bargaining can feel like:
Fear
Insecurity
Blame
Guilt
Shame
4. DEPRESSION
Depression can look like:
Reduced sleep
Less interest in social events and maintaining social connections
Appetite changes (eating significantly more or eating significantly less than before the grief began to occur)
Less motivation to complete tasks and work towards your goals
Crying
Increased alcohol or drug abuse
Depression can feel like:
Helplessness
Hopelessness
Disappointment
Overwhelmed
Sadness
Despair
If you are interested in seeing if you have depression, take our Depression Quiz to find out more information.
5. ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance can look like:
Engaging with your current reality
Being present
Having mindful behaviors
Tolerating your emotions
Being vulnerable
Having assertive conversations
Using healthy coping skills
Responding skilfully to challenging situations
Acceptance can feel like:
Courageousness
Validation
Wisdom
Pride
Self-compassion
When grieving, you may go through at least two of the five stages. Also, you may not experience the stages of grief in order, and that is okay too. It is also common to cycle between stages, moving backwards and forwards. For instance, you may start off with the first stage of grief, denial, then jump towards the fourth phase, depression, and back to the second stage, anger. It is all a part of the grieving process. Additionally, reminders of a loss, like an anniversary or birthday, can trigger these intense feelings. You may even experience multiple emotions and stages at the same time.
When you are aware of the stages of grief, you can comprehend how your situation is unique by enhancing your self-understanding and compassion. It can help you better understand your needs, and assist you to prioritize fulfilling them.
How long does it take to recover from grief?
Grief and loss does not get easier, but you can learn healthy coping skills to help you manage your emotions and carry it. Grief counseling can help you address your grief reactions as you learn to accept your new reality.
The timeline of healing from grief is unique. Some people may feel better in 6 months while it may take other people a year or longer to feel okay again. If you are grieving, you must come to terms with the emotional changes and life transitions that come along with the death of a loved one or the loss of something, such as a job or relationship. The pain you feel may become less intense, but it is normal to feel emotionally involved with the person or thing you lost for many years, especially if the subject of your grief played a big role in your life.
The length of your grieving process depends on your:
Personality
Age
Beliefs
Support network
Type of loss (e.g., suddenly losing a romantic partner in their 30s due a traumatic accident versus losing a loved grandparent in their 90s due to old age)
Whatever your timeline is, our grief counselors here at Anchor Therapy are here to help you every step of the way.
Are there different types of grief I may experience?
Depending on the type of loss you experienced coupled with your values and the relationship you held, the type of grief you experience may vary.
Complicated grief
With time, many people overcome their grief and learn to manage it. However, a small percentage of people who lose a loved one may experience “complicated grief.” Complicated grief is a type of grief where you have grief signs and symptoms that last up to a year or longer.
The intensity of complicated grief varies from person-to-person depending on a few factors, including:
The context of the loss
The symptoms you are experiencing
The severity of the symptoms
Complicated grief makes it difficult to get through your daily routine and function properly. Minor tasks, like showering or cooking for yourself, may feel daunting.
Severe symptoms of complicated grief encompass the following:
Lack of desire or interest to make plans
No longer having or showing interest in previously enjoyable activities
Feeling empty and hopeless
Intense sadness and emotional pain
Avoiding anything that reminds you of a loved one or the subject of your grief
Difficulty engaging in happy memories of the lost person or thing
Yearning to be reunited with your loved one or grief subject
Constantly thinking about the deceased loved one and/or how you lost them
A lessened sense of identity
Detachment and isolation from family members and friends
2. Traumatic Grief
If you lose someone you care about in a traumatic way, such as an accident or even watching someone die/become severely injured in front of you, you could be experiencing traumatic grief. Generally, this type of grief occurs when you are unprepared to lose someone suddenly.
Your grief symptoms may creep in days, weeks, or even months after the traumatic incident. These feelings of grief and trauma can be extremely strong, and you may be understandably frightened to deal with them. If you find that you are going through traumatic grief, do not hesitate to reach out to a therapist for trauma and grief assistance right away.
Depression and Grief
Depression and grief are often coupled together. Grief’s symptoms can look a lot like symptoms and signs of depression.
Some symptoms that both grief and depression share are as follows:
Lack of joy
Sense of despair
If you are grieving, it can trigger a depressive episode which only worsens your grieving process. By working with a specialized depression therapist, you can also learn to manage your depressive symptoms while working through your grief.
What is the difference between depression and grief?
It is not uncommon for someone to question whether they are going through grief or depression after the loss of someone or something. For many people, the standard emotional, mental, and physical symptoms that someone experiences after losing someone or something can be attributed to normal grief. But, that is not always the case.
For you to differentiate grief and depression, it is important to know background information and the symptoms of both.
Depression is a mental health disorder that can become extremely severe if left untreated by a licensed depression counselor. In order to be diagnosed with clinical depression, you must have a certain number and combination of symptoms and signs. Additionally, these symptoms must be present nearly every day for a certain period of time.
Some criteria for a depression diagnosis include:
Sluggish movements
Significant impairment of typical functioning
Indecisiveness or difficulty concentrating
Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
Fatigue and loss of energy
Sleeping too little or sleeping too much
Loss of appetite resulting in significant weight loss
Overeating or binge eating
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you previously found enjoyable
While you should not self-diagnose, knowing some information about depression can properly equip you when it comes to searching for a licensed therapist who can help with your specific range of needs.
What are the goals of grief counseling?
The goals of grief counseling and bereavement counseling can differ person-to-person depending on your situation.
For instance, let us say that you are someone who is experiencing traumatic grief after being in a car accident with a loved one, resulting in that person passing away. One of your main goals in grief therapy may not be to handle your feelings of grief, but it may also be to feel comfortable driving in a car again. In this case, your grief counselor may work in exposure therapy techniques for anxiety into your treatment plan.
All things considered, bereavement therapy does have four primary stages that your grief therapist will help you work towards.
The four stages of grief counseling include:
Accepting the reality of the loss you are facing
Working through the pain of grief
Adjusting to life without the subject of your grief
Maintaining a connection to the subject of your grief in a healthy method while finding ways to move on with your life (e.g., learning to celebrate your loved one’s life and accomplishments while accepting that they are gone and continuing to work on your own personal goals)
What techniques are used by grief counselors at Anchor Therapy?
Our grief therapists at Anchor Therapy use a range of therapeutic modalities to best suit each client’s needs. Some common types of therapy utilized include standard talk therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT for grief is an effective form of psychological treatment that works to manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.
Some additional techniques used in grief and bereavement counseling include:
Developing a new identity
Constructing new relationships
Guiding you to start to verbalize your loss (including the person or thing you lost and the circumstances surrounding the loss)
Asking you to describe your emotions and feelings
Developing coping strategies to deal with potentially triggering situations, such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or other milestones
Learning that grief is a normal human reaction to a loss and should be expected
Identifying unhealthy behaviors that you utilize in daily life that may potentially be harmful
While it is difficult, one of the best things you can do during the grieving process is to take care of yourself. You can do this by paying attention to mental, social, physical, and emotional signs and stressors. Do not ignore the signs and symptoms.
You know yourself best and, if you feel like something is off, chances are something is. By making the investment in grief counseling and letting a grief therapist know about your woes, you can make progress towards feeling good again.
Many factors can shape the way you respond to loss. If your grief signs and symptoms persist for a long time, dominate your thoughts, and interfere with your daily life, it is generally recommended to seek the help of a therapist for grief.
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Fill out the contact form below.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in grief and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
