Trauma Counseling Page

Dysfunctional Family Roles and How They Develop in Childhood

Dysfunctional Family Roles and How They Develop in Childhood

You're 34, and you manage a team at a job where difficult conversations are an ordinary part of your week. Then you walk into your parents' house for a holiday, and within ten minutes you're standing between your mother and your brother, smoothing over an argument exactly the way you did when you were eleven.

Dysfunctional family roles are the fixed parts each family member plays to keep the household running when something inside it isn't working. If your family was under strain, it probably had several of them. This post explains how those roles develop during childhood and why you and your sibling ended up with different ones. It also covers what it takes to step out of yours now.

Postpartum Rage Signs, Causes, and How to Get Help

Postpartum Rage Signs, Causes, and How to Get Help

The baby finally falls asleep after an hour of rocking. Then a pan clatters in the sink, the baby startles awake, and something in you snaps. You yell louder than you've ever yelled at someone you love, and ten minutes later you're sitting on the bathroom floor wondering who that was.

Postpartum rage is intense, hard-to-control anger that shows up in the months after having a baby, often far bigger than whatever set it off. It's common, and it's treatable. Below, we'll walk through the signs and causes of postpartum rage, and when it's time to talk to someone.

What Causes Claustrophobia, and Does It Get Worse With Age?

What Causes Claustrophobia, and Does It Get Worse With Age?

Claustrophobia, the intense fear of confined or enclosed spaces, affects millions of people worldwide and can trigger panic attacks, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like sweating or rapid heartbeat. Check out our blog “3 Ways to Manage Your Physical Anxiety Symptoms.” But what actually causes this fear to take hold? While every individual’s experience is unique, experts believe claustrophobia often stems from a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. Some people may be more biologically prone to anxiety disorders, while others might develop the fear after a traumatic event, such as being trapped in a small space or experiencing a frightening situation in childhood.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one in eight adults may have this phobia or roughly 12.5% of the adult population in the United States. In many cases, claustrophobia develops early in life and becomes more pronounced over time. The brain's fear response can become overly sensitive, reacting strongly even in mildly enclosed spaces like elevators or crowded rooms. Learned behavior may also play a role- if a person witnesses someone else showing fear in a confined space, they may internalize that response themselves. Ultimately, understanding the root causes of claustrophobia is the first step toward managing it, whether through working with a phobia counselor at Anchor Therapy, exposure techniques, or self-guided strategies to reduce anxiety.

Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents Often Carry These 10 Patterns

Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents Often Carry These 10 Patterns

Maybe you spent your childhood reading a parent's mood before you walked in the door, adjusting your voice, your plans, even your personality to keep things calm. Maybe you're an adult now with your own apartment and your own job, and you still flinch a little every time your phone lights up with their name. Growing up with a narcissistic parent means being raised by someone whose need for admiration, control, or validation consistently came before your own emotional needs, and the effects of that don't stay in childhood.

This post walks through ten of the most common, well-documented ways growing up with a narcissistic parent can shape you as an adult, from how you talk to yourself to how you learn to trust the people you love. Some of these might sound exactly like you. Others might describe a sibling who had a noticeably different role in the family than you did. Either way, recognizing the pattern is usually the first real step toward changing it.

Are Empaths Real? What the Science Says

Are Empaths Real? What the Science Says

Have you ever walked into a room and felt the emotional temperature shift right away? Maybe you picked up on a friend's sadness before they said a single word. Or you left a party feeling drained by emotions that weren't yours. If that sounds familiar, you've probably wondered whether you're an empath, and whether empaths are real.

An empath is a person with an extraordinary sensitivity to the emotions and moods of the people around them, experiencing those feelings as if they were their own. You've seen the word all over social media, and the question of whether empaths are real deserves an honest answer. The science has something to say to both the skeptics and the true believers. In this blog, we'll look at what the research says and what being an empath means for your mental health and relationships.

No Contact With Parents and How to Know When It Helps

No Contact With Parents and How to Know When It Helps

Maybe it's the third holiday in a row you've spent bracing yourself before a phone call. Maybe you've rehearsed what you'll say to a parent who never actually lets you finish a sentence. If you've started quietly wondering whether the relationship is worth what it costs you, you're not the only one asking. No contact with parents means deliberately ending communication with a parent, usually after other ways of managing the relationship haven't worked, and even considering it can come with guilt before you've made any decision at all.

This post walks through what no contact actually means, why so many adult children are choosing it right now, and how to tell whether it might be the right move for you. We'll also get into what the research shows about how common this really is, what tends to happen to these relationships over time, and how to go about it if you decide that's where you're headed.

Is It Normal to Be Bored in a Relationship After a Toxic One?

Is It Normal to Be Bored in a Relationship After a Toxic One?

Your new partner texts back within the hour. They say what they mean and mean what they say, and there's no guessing where you stand or waiting to see what mood walks through the door. And somehow, instead of feeling relieved, you feel restless, maybe even a little bored. If you've caught yourself missing the highs of a relationship that was bad for you, you're not broken and you're not secretly attracted to chaos.

If you're wondering whether it's normal to be bored in a relationship that's finally healthy, you're far from the only one asking. Feeling bored in a healthy relationship after a toxic one is a common nervous system response, where steady, consistent affection registers as unfamiliar because your body spent so long adapting to unpredictability. That flatness has a cause, and it doesn't mean this new relationship is wrong for you. In this post, we'll get into why healthy relationships can feel boring after a toxic one, what's happening in your body when that happens, how to tell the difference between real incompatibility and a nervous system still catching up to safety, and what helps you build a tolerance for calm instead of quietly sabotaging the good thing in front of you.

What Emotional Contagion Looks Like in a Family

What Emotional Contagion Looks Like in a Family

You walk into your parents' house feeling completely fine. Twenty minutes later, before anyone has said anything specific, your shoulders are up around your ears and you're bracing for something. Nothing really happened. You just walked into the room your mom was already tense in, and now you're tense too.

Emotional contagion is the process of automatically catching another person's emotional state through their tone, expression, and body language, often without either person realizing it's happening. In families, it usually flows in one direction: one person's mood sets the emotional temperature for everyone else in the house. If you've ever felt your own calm evaporate the second a certain family member walked in, you're not imagining it, and you're not overreacting. This post covers what emotional contagion actually is, why it shows up so strongly in families, and how to stop absorbing a mood that was never yours to carry.

What Is It Like Being the Golden Child? Golden Child Syndrome Signs

What Is It Like Being the Golden Child? Golden Child Syndrome Signs

If you're the golden child in your family, chances are you already know the feeling, even if you've never had a name for it. Golden child syndrome is the family pattern where one child gets held up as the favorite, always praised, always expected to succeed, and treated as the example everyone else in the family should follow.

Parents, teachers, and even extended family members may shower you with admiration, reinforcing a sense of confidence and achievement. Knowing that your accomplishments are met with pride and celebration can be very validating and keep you in a loop of wanting to seek constant approval from other people. You may find that your mistakes are overlooked or easily forgiven.

What Is Post-Traumatic Growth? And What It Isn't

What Is Post-Traumatic Growth? And What It Isn't

Someone survives a serious illness. Later, they say they don't regret it, not because the illness was good, but because of who they became afterward. A person leaves an abusive relationship, and years later, describes a level of self-trust they never had before. Neither of them is pretending that the hard part didn't happen.

Both are describing something real that a lot of therapists see after trauma. It has a name: post-traumatic growth which is positive psychological change that can develop after someone struggles with a highly stressful or traumatic event. It's a real, researched concept, first described by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun in the mid-1990s. In this post, we'll look at what post-traumatic growth actually is, the stages people tend to move through, how it differs from resilience, and why it's not the same as pretending trauma was a good thing.

Flying Monkeys Meaning: Why People Get Used By A Narcissist

Flying Monkeys Meaning: Why People Get Used By A Narcissist

Flying monkeys meaning explained by our Hoboken, NJ therapists: the people a narcissist recruits to pressure you, and how to protect your peace.

Bridgerton Family Expectations and the Weight of Being the Responsible One

Bridgerton Family Expectations and the Weight of Being the Responsible One

Bridgerton family expectations hit a nerve for a lot of viewers, and Anthony Bridgerton is usually why. He inherits the title at 18 after his father dies, and from that day on he's the one holding everyone together. If you grew up as the reliable one in your family, watching him grind through duty after duty probably feels a little too familiar.

That specific weight, getting handed adult responsibility before you're ready for it, has a clinical name. Parentification is when a child takes on adult-level responsibility for a parent's emotional needs, household duties, or younger siblings, well before they're developmentally ready for it.

Birth Trauma PTSD: More Common Than Anyone Talks About

Birth Trauma PTSD: More Common Than Anyone Talks About

Birth trauma PTSD is far more common than people realize, and it's rarely talked about. Here's what the symptoms actually look like, why some births feel traumatic even when the outcome is fine, and how trauma-informed therapy in Hoboken, NJ can help you heal.

How to Recover From Love Bombing

How to Recover From Love Bombing

Love bombing can leave you doubting everything you felt. Here's how to recover from love bombing, why it hits so hard, and the steps that help you heal and trust yourself again.

What The Fawn Trauma Response Is and How to Heal

What The Fawn Trauma Response Is and How to Heal

Someone in the next room raises their voice, and before you have even registered what is happening, you are already softening yours. You apologize for something that was not your fault. You agree with an opinion you do not actually hold, and you feel a small wave of relief when the tension finally drops. If this feels familiar, you are not imagining it, and you are not weak.

What you may be experiencing is something therapists call the fawn trauma response. The fawn trauma response is a survival pattern where you automatically try to please, appease, or accommodate other people to feel safe, usually at the expense of your own needs and feelings. It often gets mistaken for being kind, easygoing, or "low maintenance" which is part of why it can go unnoticed for years. In this blog, you will learn what the fawn response is, where it comes from, how to spot it in your daily life, and how trauma therapy can help you find your way back to yourself.

Disenfranchised Grief: How to Mourn a Complicated Relationship

Disenfranchised Grief: How to Mourn a Complicated Relationship

Maybe you hadn't spoken in years. Maybe you had, but every conversation left you drained, hurt, or angry. Maybe you loved them deeply and resented them in equal measure, and now that they're gone, you don't know what you're supposed to feel. The death of someone you had a complicated relationship with is one of the most disorienting forms of grief there is, and one of the least talked about.

Disenfranchised grief is grief that society doesn't openly acknowledge or validate. It's the kind of grief that comes from losing someone you had a complicated relationship with, where the people around you may not understand why you're struggling or may expect you to feel only relieved.

Tell Me Lies and Toxic Relationships: What the Show Gets Right

Tell Me Lies and Toxic Relationships: What the Show Gets Right

If you've watched Tell Me Lies and found yourself unable to look away, even while knowing that everything about Stephen and Lucy's relationship was wrong, you're not alone. There's something deeply uncomfortable about how recognizable it all feels. 

The way charm can make you second-guess your own instincts. The way someone can make you feel chosen and disposable in the same breath. The way you can see the damage happening and still not be able to walk away.

Tell Me Lies is a Hulu drama series that follows college student Lucy Albright as she becomes entangled with Stephen DeMarco, a manipulative and emotionally destructive partner whose behavior spirals across three seasons into one of the most clinically accurate portrayals of a toxic relationship on television. This blog breaks down what the show gets right about manipulation, why Stephen and Lucy's dynamic is so hard to leave, and what it looks like to actually heal from a relationship like theirs.

Growing Up With Conditional Love in a Dysfunctional Family System

Growing Up With Conditional Love in a Dysfunctional Family System

If love in your home growing up always felt like something you had to earn, you already know how exhausting that is to carry. Maybe you learned early that affection came with conditions: be good enough, stay quiet enough, achieve enough, and you'd be okay. Step out of line, and the warmth disappeared. Conditional love is when a parent's affection, approval, or emotional availability depends on a child meeting certain expectations rather than being offered freely and consistently. That kind of environment shapes you in ways that don't just stay in childhood.

Growing up with conditional love in a dysfunctional family system can affect how you see yourself, how you relate to others, and how you move through the world as an adult, often without realizing where those patterns came from. This blog will walk you through what conditional love actually looks like, how it affects adult relationships and self-worth, and what healing can look like with the right support.

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