Scapegoating in Families, Scapegoat, nj therapist, nyc counselor, nyc therapist
Courtney Glashow
What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A ...

While everyone suffers and goes through uncomfortable situations from time-to-time, that does not mean that you should be left to suffer. In a scapegoating situation, you as the scapegoat are the one who assumes responsibility on behalf of someone else. This is not a voluntary position that you offer, instead it is pushed upon you. 

Scapegoating can occur in many different environments. Most commonly, people discuss scapegoating dynamics within families. For more information, read our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families.” In families, a scapegoat can be unfairly blamed for conflicts within the family.

With that being said, scapegoating can occur in other relationships as well. At work, an employee or group of workers may be blamed for company-wide or organizational problems. At school, a student may be targeted for classroom concerns. Within communities, certain people may be blamed for widespread social problems. Regardless of the setting, the act of scapegoating is always used to intentionally shift blame and avoid addressing the reality of a situation and the actual issues at-hand.

What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A Scapegoat
Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
love bombing, nyc therapist, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing

Love bombing is a specific type of emotional abuse. It is a tactic where someone will “bomb” you with extreme displays of affection and attention. While it may seem like this person has fallen head over heels and madly in love with you, there is a darker truth to the matter. A love bomber is using their grand gestures with the intent of manipulating you. 

Being showered with love and affection can feel good and even positive at the very beginning of the relationship, but it can lead to serious issues down the road, like gaslighting and abuse. Love bombing is a very common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths in relationships so they can control you.

Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right

Self Esteem Page

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Attachment Issues and Dating: What You Need to Know

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Attachment Issues and Dating: What You Need to Know

Dating can be complicated enough without the invisible weight of attachment issues shaping your thoughts, reactions, and expectations. If you have ever found yourself getting attached too quickly, pulling away when things start to feel serious, or constantly worrying about where you stand, you are not alone. Attachment issues often develop early in life, but they tend to show up most clearly in romantic relationships where vulnerability, trust, and emotional closeness are front and center. View our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable.” 

Understanding how attachment issues influence your dating patterns is the first step toward building healthier, more secure connections. When you recognize your triggers, communication habits, and emotional responses, you gain the power to respond intentionally instead of reactively. Whether you are navigating new relationships or trying to break old cycles, learning how attachment impacts dating can help you move toward deeper, more stable love.

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Everyday Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Tools for Hoboken Residents

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Everyday Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Tools for Hoboken Residents

Life in Hoboken can be fast-paced, vibrant, and full of little stressors, from the morning rush along Washington Street to navigating crowded weekend spots by the waterfront. Amid the city’s energy, it is easy to get caught up in negative thoughts, anxiety, or frustration over things beyond your control. That is where Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) comes in. REBT offers practical tools to help you identify irrational beliefs, challenge them, and replace them with healthier, more rational ways of thinking which turns everyday stress into opportunities for calm and clarity.

For Hoboken residents, applying REBT does not always mean setting aside hours for therapy sessions. It is about using simple, everyday strategies to respond more effectively to life’s challenges whether that is dealing with traffic on Sinatra Drive, handling work stress, or navigating social pressures in a tightly knit community. By integrating REBT into your daily routine, you can develop a mindset that’s both resilient and rational, helping you enjoy Hoboken’s unique charm without letting small frustrations take over!

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How Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Struggle with Excessive Guilt

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How Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Struggle with Excessive Guilt

Growing up with emotionally immature parents can leave deep, invisible scars which is one of the most common being a pervasive sense of guilt. Children of parents who struggle to regulate their emotions, empathize, or set healthy boundaries often internalize blame for things that are not their fault. Check out our blog “6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Enforce Them.”

From an early age, they may feel responsible for their parent’s moods, happiness, or conflicts, carrying an invisible weight that follows them into adulthood. This guilt is not just occasional, it can become a constant companion, shaping relationships, self-esteem, and decision-making for years to come.

The struggle with excessive guilt in these children is often misunderstood. Outsiders may see them as overly sensitive or self-critical, but in reality, their guilt is a learned survival mechanism. It stems from growing up in an environment where love and approval were conditional, emotional needs were overlooked, and mistakes were magnified. Understanding how this guilt develops is the first step toward breaking the cycle, reclaiming self-worth, and learning to differentiate between responsibility and unnecessary self-blame.

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for OCD: How It Works and Why It Helps

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for OCD: How It Works and Why It Helps

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is widely recognized as one of the most effective treatments for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCD is characterized by persistent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental rituals (compulsions) aimed at reducing anxiety. These patterns can interfere with daily life, relationships, and overall well-being. CBT for OCD is a structured, evidence-based approach that helps individuals understand the connection between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and gradually learn to respond to obsessions in healthier ways. Unlike medications alone, CBT addresses the root patterns that maintain OCD symptoms.

One of the key components of CBT for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which involves facing feared situations or intrusive thoughts without engaging in compulsive behaviors. Through this process, individuals learn to tolerate uncertainty and anxiety, ultimately reducing the power of obsessions over time. CBT also incorporates cognitive restructuring, helping clients challenge unhelpful beliefs and develop more balanced thinking patterns. Delivered by trained therapists at Anchor Therapy, CBT for OCD empowers individuals to regain control, improve daily functioning, and build long-lasting coping skills that support a more balanced, fulfilling life.

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Situationships in the Age of Dating Apps

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Situationships in the Age of Dating Apps

In today’s world, dating often happens through swipes, likes, and endless scrolling, creating a new environment where undefined relationships, commonly called situationships, thrive. Dating apps offer instant connection and convenience, but they also encourage ambiguity. When communication is limited to messages and profile impressions, it is easy for two people to enjoy each other’s company without ever defining what their relationship actually is. The line between casual fun and emotional investment becomes blurry, leaving many people stuck in cycles of hope, disappointment, and uncertainty.

Situationships in the age of dating apps are fueled by the illusion of infinite choice. When potential partners are just a swipe away, commitment can feel optional, and exploring other options becomes normalized, even when emotional attachment is already present. This dynamic can make people question their own feelings, wonder if they are being “too invested,” or stay in limbo longer than they would have otherwise. Understanding how modern technology shapes our dating experiences is key to recognizing patterns, setting boundaries, and navigating the messy gray area between casual connection and meaningful commitment.

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Does Asexuality Exist On A Spectrum?

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Does Asexuality Exist On A Spectrum?

Asexuality is often misunderstood as a single, fixed experience, but for many people, it is far more nuanced than that. At its core, asexuality describes experiencing little to no sexual attraction but how that shows up can vary widely from person to person. Some asexual people may never feel sexual attraction at all, while others experience it rarely, under specific circumstances, or with fluctuating intensity over time. This diversity has led many within the community to describe asexuality not as a strict category, but as a spectrum.

Understanding asexuality as a spectrum helps make space for identities such as graysexual and demisexual, as well as for asexual people who still desire romantic relationships, intimacy, or even sex itself. It challenges the idea that attraction, desire, and behavior must always align, and invites a more inclusive conversation about how people experience connection. Exploring the asexual spectrum is not about creating more labels, it is about recognizing the complexity of human experience and validating those who have long felt unseen or misunderstood.

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What Are The Four Types of Codependency?

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What Are The Four Types of Codependency?

Codependency is a behavioral and emotional condition where individuals prioritize others’ needs over their own, often leading to unhealthy relationships. Research shows that the four main types of codependency include the caretaker, enabler, controller, and adjuster. The caretaker constantly sacrifices their own well-being to care for others, often feeling needed as a way to gain self-worth. The enabler supports or covers for another person’s harmful behavior, such as substance abuse, to avoid conflict or guilt, indirectly allowing the destructive patterns to continue.

The controller type tries to manage or dictate the behaviors of others to maintain a sense of stability, often stemming from fear of chaos or loss. The adjuster, on the other hand, adapts their behavior to please others, suppressing their own emotions and desires to avoid rejection or disapproval. Recognizing these types is crucial for self-awareness and personal growth, as each can impact relationships differently and may require targeted strategies for healthier interactions and boundaries.

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Attachment Styles and Self-Esteem

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Attachment Styles and Self-Esteem

Our sense of self-worth does not form in isolation as it grows through our earliest relationships. The way we learn to connect, depend on others, and feel safe in love becomes the blueprint for how we see ourselves. This blueprint is known as our attachment style. Whether you identify as secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant, your attachment style subtly shapes how you view your value in relationships and the world around you.

When self-esteem and attachment intertwine, they can create either a strong foundation of confidence or a cycle of self-doubt and emotional insecurity. Understanding this connection is a powerful first step toward healing. By recognizing how attachment patterns influence the way you talk to yourself, trust others, and set boundaries, you can begin to rebuild self-esteem that comes from within, not from the approval or affection of others.

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All About IMAGO Couples Counseling

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All About IMAGO Couples Counseling

Relationships can be both beautiful and challenging, often reflecting our deepest needs, fears, and past experiences. IMAGO couples counseling offers a unique and powerful approach to understanding these dynamics by helping partners see conflict not as a threat, but as an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, IMAGO therapy blends psychological insights with practical communication tools to transform the way couples relate to one another.

At its core, IMAGO focuses on healing childhood wounds that resurface in adult relationships, allowing partners to move from blame and frustration toward empathy and understanding. Through guided dialogue and intentional listening, couples learn to connect beyond surface-level disagreements and rediscover the emotional bond that brought them together. Whether you are seeking to repair a strained relationship or simply strengthen your connection, working with a couples counselor at Anchor Therapy offers a path forward.

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The Difference Between Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) vs Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS)

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The Difference Between Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) vs Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS)

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) are often mentioned interchangeably, but understanding the distinction is crucial, especially for mental health awareness. While PMS is relatively common and typically involves mild emotional and physical symptoms like irritability, bloating, and fatigue, PMDD is a far more severe condition that can significantly disrupt daily life. 

Women with PMDD may experience intense mood swings, debilitating anxiety, deep sadness, and even thoughts of hopelessness, often in the week leading up to menstruation. Recognizing these differences is key to seeking appropriate support and treatment rather than dismissing the symptoms as “just part of being a woman.”

From a mental health perspective, PMDD is not simply a hormonal inconvenience, it is a serious mood disorder with major impacts. The emotional and cognitive symptoms can mimic or exacerbate conditions like depression and anxiety, making timely diagnosis and intervention essential. Raising awareness about PMDD helps reduce stigma and empowers those affected to access mental health care, explore coping strategies, and find relief. Understanding the difference between PMS and PMDD is the first step toward validating the lived experiences of those who face this challenging condition each month.

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The 5 Best Spots to WFH in Hoboken

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The 5 Best Spots to WFH in Hoboken

Working from home has its perks- no commute, cozy clothes, and your favorite coffee just steps away. But spending all day in the same space can start to blur the lines between work and rest which can take a toll on your mental health. Changing your environment, even just for a few hours, can boost focus, creativity, and emotional well-being. For many people, a simple shift to a different setting, especially one with natural light and a bit of buzz, can make the workday feel lighter and more balanced.

At Anchor Therapy, our mental health counselors know that taking care of your mind means finding small ways to refresh your routine. Hoboken offers plenty of welcoming spots that are perfect for working remotely, from cozy coffee shops to peaceful parks with Wi-Fi. Whether you are looking to power through emails or simply reconnect with your surroundings, here are some of the best spots in Hoboken to work from home without actually staying home.

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Breaking Free from People Pleasing to Build Healthier Romantic Relationships

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Breaking Free from People Pleasing to Build Healthier Romantic Relationships

People pleasing is a common behavior that many struggle with, often without fully understanding why they feel compelled to constantly seek approval and avoid conflict. Research shows that roughly 49-52% of people self-identify as people pleasers. At its core, people pleasing usually stems from deeper emotional needs; like the desire to be accepted, loved, or valued by others. For some, it begins early in life, shaped by family dynamics or experiences where their worth was tied to meeting others’ expectations. This pattern can become so ingrained that it feels automatic, even when it leads to personal stress or resentment.

Understanding the root cause of people pleasing is essential for breaking free from it. It often ties back to fears of rejection, abandonment, or not being “good enough” as you are. When these fears dominate, saying no or asserting your own needs can feel risky or even impossible. Exploring these underlying beliefs helps create space for healthier boundaries and self-acceptance, allowing you to build relationships based on genuine connection rather than constant approval-seeking.

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