The new TV series The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has sparked conversations not only about the complex experiences of women in high-demand religious communities, but also about the therapeutic tools portrayed on screen. One of the most notable moments is the depiction of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a trauma-focused therapy that has gained significant attention for its effectiveness in helping individuals process overwhelming or unresolved experiences. While fictional portrayals of therapy often miss the mark, this series offers viewers a surprisingly grounded glimpse into what EMDR can look like and why it resonates with so many people seeking healing.
At Anchor Therapy, we are always mindful of how the media influences public understanding of mental health treatment. When therapy is shown accurately, it opens doors for people who may never have known help was available or who may have questioned whether their own experiences “count” as trauma. In this blog, we will explore what The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives gets right about EMDR, clarify where art understandably departs from clinical reality, and offer insight into how EMDR truly supports individuals navigating religious trauma, identity conflict, and emotional wounds that develop behind closed doors.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What Is EMDR and Why Is It Used for Trauma?
EMDR is an evidence-based psychotherapy designed to help people heal from traumatic or overwhelming life experiences. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which relies primarily on discussion and insight, EMDR combines targeted memory processing with bilateral stimulation- often eye movements, tapping, or alternating tones. This stimulation helps the brain access and reorganize memories that have become “stuck” or stored in a distressing, unprocessed form. The goal is not to erase the memory, but to change the way it is experienced so it no longer triggers intense emotional or physical reactions.
EMDR is rooted in the idea that the brain has a natural ability to move toward mental health, much like the body’s ability to heal physical wounds. Trauma can block that healing process. When someone goes through a disturbing experience; especially one that is repeated, confusing, or overwhelming; the memory may be stored incorrectly. Instead of being filed away as something that happened in the past, it continues to feel immediate and threatening. EMDR helps unlock these memories and give them a chance to be reprocessed in a safe, controlled therapeutic environment.
One reason EMDR is so effective for trauma is that it does not require a person to go into graphic detail or retell their entire story. Instead, the therapist guides the client to focus on specific aspects of a memory; images, sensations, emotions, or beliefs; and then facilitates processing using bilateral stimulation. As the brain reprocesses the memory, people often report that the emotional intensity decreases, their body relaxes, and new insights or perspectives emerge naturally. Over time, the traumatic memory loses its charge, allowing the person to move through daily life with more freedom and less fear.
EMDR is widely used for many forms of trauma, including:
Childhood abuse
Sexual trauma (View our blog “Everything You Need to Know About Sexual Trauma Therapy”)
Medical trauma (Read our blog “How to Get Past Medical Trauma”)
Religious trauma (View our blog “How to Heal From Religious Trauma Syndrome with Religious Trauma Therapy”)
Relational wounds
Single-incident events like accidents or assaults
It is also helpful for anxiety, panic, phobias, and chronic self-worth issues that stem from past experiences.
What are the benefits of EMDR for trauma?
Reduces emotional intensity of traumatic memories
Decreases anxiety, panic, and hypervigilance
Improves emotional regulation
Reduces intrusive thoughts and flashbacks (View our blog “6 Ways to Handle Intrusive Thoughts”)
Enhances self-esteem and self-worth (Read our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”)
Supports resolution of past abuse or neglect
Improves relationships
Addresses a wide range of trauma types
Can accelerate therapy progress
Promotes neurological integration
For individuals who have spent years feeling stuck or overwhelmed despite trying other forms of therapy, EMDR can offer a different pathway- one that honors both the emotional and neurological processes involved in healing. Its growing presence in media, including reality shows like The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, reflects how powerful and transformative this modality can be.
Read our blog “EMDR In A Nutshell.”
How The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Portrays EMDR
In The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, viewers follow cast member Mikayla Matthews as she steps into EMDR therapy during a particularly emotional chapter of her life. Her session is framed as an important turning point- one where she begins to reveal pieces of her childhood trauma that she has rarely spoken aloud, even to her husband. Read our blog “How to Heal Childhood Trauma As An Adult.”
The show captures the visible anxiety and internal conflict many people feel when they begin trauma-focused work, especially when long-buried memories are tied to shame, identity, and past secrecy. Read our blogs “Living with Emotional Numbness After Trauma” and “Can PTSD Cause Memory Loss?”.
During the filmed session, Mikayla discusses the connection between her abuse history and her current struggles with vulnerability and intimacy. If you struggle with this, check out our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable.”
This is one of the most realistic parts of the portrayal: trauma often does not stay confined to the past. It weaves its way into relationships, self-esteem, and physical closeness. The scene shows her sitting with discomfort, pausing often, and trying to find words which is something trauma therapists see frequently in early EMDR work. The show gives viewers an honest look at how difficult and brave those first steps can be.
The series also includes moments from her earlier therapy where she engages in an exercise that allows her to express the anger she has carried for years. Read our blog “The Most Important Things You Need to Know About Anger Management.”
Her trauma specialist guides her to safely role-play speaking to her abuser, creating a therapeutic space where she can access emotions she has long suppressed. While not part of EMDR itself, this type of preparatory work is common in trauma therapy. It helps clients build emotional strength and reclaim a voice which can be crucial before moving into deeper EMDR reprocessing. To learn more about this kind of therapeutic work, our blog “The 5 Steps of Narrative Therapy for Trauma” is a must-read.
Another noteworthy aspect of the show’s portrayal is the discussion around how her trauma affects her marriage. Mikayla shares that she struggles with closeness and emotional openness, and her therapist gently suggests that couples therapy may help her and her husband navigate those challenges together. This reflects how trauma treatment often extends beyond the individual. Partners are impacted, too, and collaborative healing can be incredibly supportive. The show highlights how therapy can open conversations that may have been avoided for years. View our blog “What Is The #1 Thing That Destroys Marriages?”.
Emotionally, Mikayla’s EMDR session unfolds with a mix of discomfort, insight, and cautious hope. She acknowledges that there are still details of her trauma she has not shared, and the session becomes a space where she can begin to face them without judgment. Her reactions; such as hesitation, tears, long pauses; mirror the emotional reality of many EMDR clients. The depiction avoids the overly dramatic breakdowns we sometimes see on television, choosing instead to show the quieter, more internal shifts that can happen during trauma processing.
Of course, like any reality-TV portrayal, the version of EMDR shown on the series is simplified. Real EMDR therapy typically involves more preparation, stabilization, and skill-building before diving into the deeper layers of painful memories. Cameras and production schedules inevitably compress the process. Still, the show offers a surprisingly human and respectful illustration of EMDR’s emotional landscape. It introduces viewers to the courage required to face trauma and the possibility of relief on the other side- something many people may not have otherwise known existed.
Common Misconceptions About EMDR
One common misconception about EMDR is that it erases or makes people forget their traumatic memories. In reality, EMDR does not remove memories. Instead, it helps the brain process and integrate them so they no longer trigger overwhelming emotional or physical responses. People still remember the events, but they experience them differently, with less distress and greater clarity. This distinction is important because EMDR is about reprocessing, not erasing, which allows individuals to heal while retaining their life story.
Another widespread misunderstanding is that EMDR is a quick fix or instant therapy. While some clients notice improvement in just a few sessions, trauma processing often requires multiple sessions and careful preparation. Effective EMDR involves building safety, stabilizing emotions, and developing coping strategies before deeper processing begins. The portrayal of EMDR in media, including reality TV, can make it look like a single session is transformative, but in clinical practice, progress is gradual and individualized.
Many people also assume that EMDR requires extensive talking about trauma, similar to traditional therapy. In fact, EMDR can be less verbally intensive. Clients are guided to focus on specific aspects of a memory; images, emotions, and bodily sensations; while the trauma therapist facilitates bilateral stimulation. This method allows the brain to reprocess the memory naturally. Talking about every detail is not necessary which can make EMDR more accessible for individuals who find verbalizing their trauma overwhelming or retraumatizing.
Some think EMDR is only for severe trauma or PTSD, but its applications are broader. EMDR can help with anxiety, phobias, grief, chronic self-esteem issues, relational trauma, and even performance or medical-related stress. It is versatile because it targets the underlying ways distressing experiences are stored in the brain, not just the surface-level symptoms. This misconception can prevent people from exploring EMDR who might benefit from it in ways they did not expect.
Finally, there is a misconception that EMDR is mysterious or “magical” because of the eye movements and other bilateral stimulation techniques. While it may look unusual, EMDR is grounded in neuroscience and decades of clinical research. The bilateral stimulation helps the brain process and integrate information more efficiently, but it is not a gimmick, it is a carefully structured therapeutic approach. Understanding this helps demystify EMDR and emphasizes that it is a legitimate, evidence-based treatment for trauma and related difficulties!
Considering EMDR? What to Expect in a Real Session at Anchor Therapy
At Anchor Therapy, we offer in-person EMDR sessions at our Hoboken, NJ office, as well as virtual sessions for residents across New Jersey, New York, and Florida. Our approach is always individualized, trauma-informed, and collaborative. Whether you choose to come in person or meet online, the goal is the same: to provide a safe and supportive environment where you can begin processing difficult memories and experiences at your own pace.
Your first session typically begins with a thorough intake, where we get to know you, your history, and your goals for therapy. This is also a chance for you to ask questions about EMDR, share any concerns, and understand the structure of the therapy. Safety is our priority, so we make sure you feel comfortable with the process and explain what EMDR can and cannot do. Building trust is essential before diving into memory processing.
Once we begin EMDR, we start with preparation and stabilization exercises. These help you develop coping strategies, grounding techniques, and resources that allow you to handle strong emotions safely. This phase is crucial: it ensures that when we start processing difficult memories, you feel supported and equipped to navigate whatever arises during the session.
The core EMDR process involves focusing on a specific memory or emotion while using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements or tapping. This helps your brain reprocess the memory so it loses some of its emotional intensity and becomes easier to integrate. Throughout the session, we work together, checking in frequently to make sure you feel safe and supported. EMDR is always paced according to your comfort level, so there is no pressure to move faster than you are ready.
After the processing phase, we spend time reviewing your experience and reinforcing stability. EMDR can bring up emotions, physical sensations, or insights that need grounding afterward. We discuss what arose in the session, help you integrate any new perspectives, and ensure you leave feeling safe and supported. Many clients notice shifts in how they think about or react to past experiences even after one session, but EMDR is typically a series of sessions to achieve lasting change.
Finally, whether you come in person in Hoboken or join us virtually from New Jersey, New York, or Florida, we make sure the therapy feels personal, supportive, and clinically grounded. EMDR is a powerful tool for trauma recovery, but it works best in a structured, safe environment with a trained therapist guiding each step. At Anchor Therapy, our trauma counselors’ focus is on helping you navigate your experiences with care, clarity, and compassion so you can begin moving forward with confidence.
While reality television often simplifies or dramatizes therapy, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives offers a surprisingly authentic glimpse into the EMDR process, highlighting both the courage required to confront trauma and the hope that comes with healing. By showing Mikayla Matthews engaging with her past in a safe, guided environment, the show demystifies trauma work and reminds viewers that recovery is possible. EMDR is not a quick fix, but with the right support; whether in person in Hoboken or virtually for residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida; it can help individuals process painful memories, reduce emotional intensity, and reclaim a sense of empowerment in their lives.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level.
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