In-person attachment-based therapy in Hoboken, NJ, and video sessions across New Jersey, New York & Florida
If you find yourself pulling away from people who get too close, you're not alone. Maybe you feel anxious when a partner needs space. Maybe closeness feels both wanted and terrifying at the same time. These are the kinds of patterns you might be describing when you search for attachment disorder in adults.
Attachment-based therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps you understand how your earliest relationships with caregivers shaped your patterns of trust, closeness, and emotional safety. It works to build more secure ways of relating in adulthood. Our therapists at Anchor Therapy hold licenses including LCSW, LPC, LSW, and LAC, with specialized training in attachment-focused work. We've helped many adults move from anxious or avoidant patterns toward calmer, more secure relationships.
We offer attachment-based therapy both in person at our Hoboken office and through secure virtual sessions across New Jersey, New York, and Florida. You might be working through this on your own, or alongside a partner. Either way, our therapists meet you where you are and build a plan around your specific attachment history.
“Attachment disorder” is technically a clinical term. It's most often used for attachment disruptions diagnosed in infancy and early childhood, such as reactive attachment disorder. When you search for attachment disorder in adults, you're usually describing attachment issues: the lasting imprint early disruptions leave on your relationships, self-worth, and emotional regulation.
At Anchor Therapy, we use this term the way our clients do. We use it to describe the anxious, avoidant, or disorganized patterns that make closeness feel unsafe, unpredictable, or overwhelming. This is different from what's sometimes called “attachment therapy,” a discredited and potentially harmful approach involving physical restraint that our therapists don’t use or endorse. Our work is talk-based, collaborative, and paced by you.
You might relate to attachment-related struggles if you notice:
These patterns usually trace back to early experiences with a caregiver. Maybe that caregiver was inconsistent, distant, overwhelmed, or hard to read, even if they loved you deeply and tried their best. Attachment styles form as adaptive responses to those early conditions, ways of coping that made sense given what you were working with at the time. That's part of why they can feel so hard to talk yourself out of.
Left unaddressed, these patterns tend to follow you across relationships, jobs, and friendships. A boss who takes a while to reply to an email, or a friend who needs some space, can trigger the same old fear a distant or unpredictable caregiver once did. Attachment-based therapy works by addressing that underlying fear directly, so it stops driving your reactions to people who are, in reality, safe.
Our therapists draw on attachment theory as a lens for understanding how early bonds shape adult behavior. Psychologist John Bowlby first developed this theory, and Mary Ainsworth's research identified the secure, anxious, and avoidant patterns in young children. Researchers Mary Main and Judith Solomon later added the disorganized pattern. Adult attachment research has since found that these patterns often carry into adult relationships, friendships, and self-concept.
A review of attachment theory's use in adult psychotherapy found that a substantial body of evidence supports the effectiveness of attachment-based approaches with adult clients. Our therapists stay current with this research and adapt it to fit each client's specific history, rather than applying a one-size-fits-all protocol.
In our work with adults at Anchor Therapy, we often see attachment patterns show up in small moments. A partner takes an hour to respond to a text, and the fear that follows feels much bigger than the moment itself. We trace it back together to an earlier relationship where being ignored actually was dangerous.
We combine a few evidence-informed approaches, depending on what you need. We use psychodynamic exploration of early relational patterns and emotionally focused techniques for working through attachment wounds within a current relationship. When early attachment disruptions are tied to specific traumatic memories, we may also draw on trauma-informed methods like our EMDR therapy. If these patterns are showing up with your partner, we also draw on the tools used in our couples counseling services, since attachment wounds often show up most clearly between partners.
We also incorporate self-compassion work into attachment-based therapy. If you carry attachment wounds, you might also carry a deep sense that you aren't worthy of love or care. Building a kinder relationship with yourself is often just as important as building better relationships with others, and it tends to make the relational work feel more accessible.
Your first session focuses on understanding your relationship history and current concerns. Our therapists ask about your early caregiving relationships and your patterns in past and current relationships. We also ask what brought you in now. Together, these questions build a picture of your specific story which shapes everything we do from there.
From there, we work with you to identify your dominant attachment style, whether that's anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or a mix of these. That identification is simply a starting point, a way to understand which patterns to work on first. It often shifts as therapy goes on.
Ongoing sessions typically include:
Many clients do some grief work, too, around what they didn't receive from early caregivers. Healing often requires acknowledging that loss before building something new. Sessions usually run weekly, at least at first, so the work has enough momentum to stick.
Ready to better understand your attachment patterns? Reach out today to schedule a consultation with one of our Hoboken therapists.
Get startedWe work with adults across a range of attachment patterns, including:
Anxious attachment: a persistent fear of abandonment and difficulty feeling secure in relationships
Avoidant attachment: discomfort with emotional closeness and a tendency to withdraw We offer same-week appointments for new clients.
Disorganized attachment: wanting closeness and fearing it at the same time, often rooted in early trauma
Many clients come in with attachment issues they don't have a label for yet. They just notice that something about how they connect with others feels stuck, whether that's a string of short relationships, a habit of testing people to see if they'll leave, or a tendency to avoid real closeness. Some clients also notice these patterns showing up at work, in friendships, or with their own children, beyond romantic relationships alone.
Attachment-based therapy is often a strong fit if you're working through the aftermath of a difficult childhood. It also helps if you keep repeating the same painful relationship pattern with different partners, or if your attachment wounds are creating conflict in your relationship. If your concerns are more specifically about your current relationship as a couple, our couples counseling or premarital counseling services may be a better starting point.
Our intake coordinator can help you figure out which approach fits best before your first session, and it's common for clients to move between individual attachment work and couples work as their needs change.
Book your first session with one of our attachment-focused therapists and start building more secure relationships.
Our office is located in Hoboken, where we see clients in person for attachment-based therapy, individual adult therapy, and couples work. We also serve clients virtually throughout New Jersey, New York, and Florida. Many of the clients we see in person come from Hoboken and nearby Hudson County towns like Jersey City, Weehawken, and Union City, along with New Yorkers who take the PATH train from Manhattan to our office. If you're logging in from home in New Jersey, New York, or Florida, you get the same attachment-focused work over video.
Many of our clients come to attachment-based therapy after working through anxiety or unresolved trauma in individual therapy. Attachment patterns and trauma responses are often deeply connected. If you're already working with one of our therapists on trauma or anxiety, attachment-focused work is often a natural next step, and your therapist can help you decide when that transition makes sense.
To get started, fill out the form at the bottom of this page.
Our office is at 80 River Street, Suite 306, Hoboken, NJ 07030, and our phone number is (201) 565-2275.
Attachment-based therapy at Anchor Therapy is led by therapists with specific training in attachment theory, trauma-informed care, and relational approaches. You can learn more about the individual therapists who specialize in this work, including their training and areas of focus, on our Meet Our Team page.
To see the full range of services offered at our Hoboken practice, visit the Anchor Therapy home page.
Psychotherapist · Clinical Supervisor
Works withChildren (all ages), Teens, Adults, Families, and LGBTQIA+
SpecialtiesADHD, Attachment Issues, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Parenting, Women's Issues, Family Conflict, and more
Read Carmen's bio →
Psychotherapist · Owner
Works withChildren (10+ years old), Teens, Adults, Parents, and LGBTQIA+
SpecialtiesAnxiety, Depression, Life Transitions, Relationship Issues, Parenting, Postpartum & Fertility, Attachment Issues, and more
Read Courtney's bio →
Psychotherapist · Senior Clinical Supervisor
Works withTeens (15+ years old), Adults, Couples, Families, and LGBTQIA+
SpecialtiesRelationship Issues, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Substance Abuse & Addiction, Grief, Life Transitions, Attachment Issues, and more
Read Elena's bio →
Psychotherapist
Works withChildren (5+ years old), Teens, Adults, Couples, Families, and LGBTQIA+
SpecialtiesRelationship Issues, Trauma, Anxiety, Depression, Family Conflict, Parenting, Life Transitions, Attachment Issues, and more
Read Laura's bio →
Psychotherapist
Works withTeens (18+ Years Old), Adults, Couples, Families, and LGBTQIA+
SpecialtiesTrauma, Anxiety, Substance Abuse, Relationship Issues, Depression, Family Conflict, Work Stress, Attachment Issues, and more
Read Maria's bio →
Psychotherapist · Office Manager · Social Media Manager · Community Engagement Director
Works withTeens (15+ years old), Adults, Couples, Families, and LGBTQIA+
SpecialtiesRelationship Issues, Anxiety, Breakup, Self-esteem, Life Transitions, Depression, Attachment Issues, Trauma, Parenting, and more
Read Victoria's bio →Getting started with attachment-based therapy at Anchor Therapy is simple. Here's how the first few weeks usually go.
Use the form at the bottom of this page and tell us a little about yourself and what you're hoping to work on.
Our intake coordinator reaches out to match you with a therapist who has specific training in attachment-focused work and fits your scheduling needs. Most clients hear back from us within one business day.
You meet with your therapist for your first session, talk through your relationship history, and set goals together. Most clients begin with weekly sessions and adjust over time based on their goals and progress.
What's the difference between attachment issues and an attachment disorder?
“Attachment disorder” is a clinical term most often used for diagnoses given to infants and young children, like reactive attachment disorder. If you've been searching for attachment disorder in adults, you're most likely describing anxious, avoidant, or disorganized patterns that started in childhood and still show up in your relationships today. Our therapists work with these patterns directly, no matter which term you use to describe them.
Do you take insurance?
We're out of network with insurance. Many clients use the superbills we provide to seek out-of-network reimbursement from their insurer. Reach out by filling out the form at the bottom of this page, and we'll walk you through the cost and what reimbursement could look like for you, then match you with the right therapist.
How long does attachment-based therapy usually take?
The timeline varies depending on your history and goals. Many clients notice meaningful shifts within a few months of consistent weekly sessions. Attachment patterns took years to form, so lasting change usually takes sustained work rather than a quick fix.
Do you offer virtual attachment-based therapy sessions?
Yes. In addition to in-person sessions at our Hoboken office, we offer secure virtual attachment-based therapy sessions throughout New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Do you offer attachment-based therapy outside of Hoboken?
Yes. We see clients in person at our Hoboken, NJ office, and by secure video for residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida. Virtual sessions work well for busy schedules, clients who travel, or anyone outside commuting distance. Fill out the form at the bottom of this page with any questions.
How do I know if I need attachment-based therapy?
You might benefit if you notice attachment issues that keep repeating, like anxiety, avoidance, or difficulty trusting people in your relationships, especially when those patterns trace back to your childhood. Attachment-based therapy is built to work with exactly that. Our intake coordinator can also help you decide whether this approach or a related service, like couples counseling, is the better fit for where you're starting.
What's the difference between attachment-based therapy and couples counseling?
Attachment-based therapy focuses on your individual attachment history and patterns, even when those patterns show up inside a relationship. Couples counseling focuses on the relationship itself and works with both partners together. Many clients benefit from both, and our therapists can help you sequence the two if that's the right fit.
Is attachment-based therapy backed by research?
Attachment theory has been studied for decades. Research continues to link adult attachment style to relationship satisfaction. One peer-reviewed study found that secure attachment was associated with higher marital satisfaction, while avoidant and anxious attachment styles were linked to lower satisfaction. Our therapists stay current with this research to inform how we work with clients.
Can children and teens use attachment-based therapy too, or is this just for adults?
Attachment-based approaches were originally developed for children and families, and we do incorporate them into our child and family work as well. This page focuses on our attachment-based therapy for adults, since that's a distinct process built around adult relationships, adult self-concept, and adult decision-making.
The ways you learned to protect yourself early in life made sense at the time. They don't have to keep running your relationships today. With the right support, closeness can start to feel safer and steadier.
You don't have to figure this out on your own. Contact Anchor Therapy to begin therapy for attachment disorder in adults, in-person in Hoboken, NJ, and virtually in New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Fill out the form at the bottom of this page and tell us a bit about what's been coming up in your relationships. Our intake coordinator will match you with a therapist trained in attachment-focused work, and from there you'll take the first step toward feeling more secure with the people you care about.
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You look back at your relationships and notice a pattern that is hard to ignore. At first, things often feel exciting, intense, and deeply connecting, but over time something shifts. You start feeling confused, second-guessing yourself, and wondering how things that felt so good in the beginning can end up feeling so draining or painful. If you have ever asked yourself why this keeps happening with the people you choose, you are not alone.
Wondering “why do I keep attracting narcissistic partners?” usually comes from a place of frustration and self-reflection, not blame. The truth is, this pattern is rarely about one single type of person or a conscious choice you are making. It is often shaped by emotional experiences, attachment patterns, and what feels familiar to your nervous system. In this blog, we will explore why this pattern happens, what may be drawing you into these dynamics, and how you can begin to break the cycle over time.
You tell yourself this is the last time. After the argument, the silence, or the way they made you question your own memory, something in you clicks. You know this relationship is not healthy. But then a few days pass, things feel normal again, maybe even good, and suddenly leaving does not feel as clear anymore. If you have ever felt stuck in that cycle, knowing something is wrong but still finding it almost impossible to walk away, you are not alone.
Toxic relationships can be incredibly hard to leave, even when you fully recognize the damage they are causing. Nearly half of women and men in the United States will experience psychological aggression from an intimate partner at some point in their lives which shows just how common and often hidden these kinds of relationship dynamics really are. It is not just about willpower or being strong enough. There are real psychological patterns, emotional attachments, and nervous system responses that keep people tied to relationships that hurt them. In this blog, we will break down why this happens, what is actually going on beneath the surface, and what can start to help you move forward.
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The key is approaching boundaries with confidence and compassion, both for yourself and others. It is about understanding that saying no or setting limits does not make you unkind; it makes you human. With the right strategies, you can communicate your limits clearly, manage guilt, and maintain relationships that thrive on mutual respect. In this blog, we will explore practical ways to set boundaries without shame, empowering you to live authentically while keeping your mental health intact!
Relationships thrive on emotional connection, yet many couples find themselves stuck in painful cycles of misunderstanding, conflict, or emotional distance. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples offers a research-based approach that helps partners move beyond surface arguments to understand the deeper emotions and attachment needs driving their interactions. Instead of focusing solely on communication techniques, EFT works to strengthen the emotional bond between partners which helps you and your partner feel safer, more supported, and more understood in the relationship.
Through guided conversations and structured interventions, EFT helps couples identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with healthier ways of responding to each other. As partners learn to express vulnerable emotions and respond with empathy rather than defensiveness, trust and closeness can gradually be rebuilt. The goal of EFT is not just resolving conflicts, but creating a secure emotional connection that allows couples to face challenges together with greater resilience and intimacy.
In recent years, therapy language has moved far beyond the therapist’s office and into everyday conversations, social media posts, and online debates. Words like “gaslighting,” “boundaries,” and “toxic” are now part of the cultural vocabulary, often used to explain difficult relationships or personal struggles. This growing awareness of mental health has helped reduce stigma and encouraged many people to reflect on their emotional well-being. But as these terms become more popular, their meanings can also become blurred, stretched, or misapplied in ways that stray from their original psychological context.
When therapy speak is used loosely, it can unintentionally distort important concepts and oversimplify complex human interactions. Labeling disagreements as “gaslighting,” calling someone “toxic,” or framing ordinary conflict as a violation of “boundaries” can turn nuanced situations into moral judgments.
Instead of promoting understanding, the language meant to foster healing can sometimes shut down dialogue or pathologize normal behavior. As therapy terms continue to shape the way we talk about relationships and emotions, it is worth reflecting if we are using this language to better understand ourselves, or if we are misusing them.
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Understanding how attachment issues influence your dating patterns is the first step toward building healthier, more secure connections. When you recognize your triggers, communication habits, and emotional responses, you gain the power to respond intentionally instead of reactively. Whether you are navigating new relationships or trying to break old cycles, learning how attachment impacts dating can help you move toward deeper, more stable love.
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In reality, ENM relationships come in many forms, from open relationships to polyamory, and can be deeply fulfilling when approached ethically and intentionally. Just like any other relationship, success in ENM depends on communication, trust, and respect- not on rigid societal norms about monogamy. By examining the most common myths and setting the record straight, this blog aims to shed light on how ENM works in practice, offering a clearer, more accurate perspective for anyone curious about exploring alternative ways of loving.
Have you ever walked into a room and felt the emotional temperature shift right away? Maybe you picked up on a friend's sadness before they said a single word. Or you left a party feeling drained by emotions that weren't yours. If that sounds familiar, you've probably wondered whether you're an empath, and whether empaths are real.
An empath is a person with an extraordinary sensitivity to the emotions and moods of the people around them, experiencing those feelings as if they were their own. You've seen the word all over social media, and the question of whether empaths are real deserves an honest answer. The science has something to say to both the skeptics and the true believers. In this blog, we'll look at what the research says and what being an empath means for your mental health and relationships.