When we talk about trauma responses, most people are familiar with fight, flight, or freeze. But there is another lesser-known reaction called fawning- a survival mechanism where a person seeks to appease others to avoid conflict, criticism, or harm. This often looks like people-pleasing, over-apologizing, or abandoning personal needs in order to maintain peace or feel safe. While it may appear as kindness or agreeableness on the surface, fawning can be a deep-rooted response to past emotional or relational trauma.
Recognizing the signs of a fawning response is essential for anyone working on setting healthier boundaries or healing from trauma. From difficulty saying “no” to constantly anticipating others’ needs, the behaviors linked to fawning often go unnoticed because they are socially rewarded. In this post, we will explore the key indicators of the fawning response, why it develops, and how awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your authentic self.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is a fawn response?
The fawn response is a trauma response where a person tries to avoid conflict or danger by pleasing others, often at the expense of their own needs, feelings, or boundaries. It is a subconscious survival strategy developed in response to environments where being assertive or expressing needs felt unsafe. Instead of fighting back, fleeing, or freezing, individuals “fawn” to keep the peace, gain approval, or avoid perceived threats, especially in relationships where power dynamics are unbalanced or unpredictable.
What are signs of a fawn response?
People-pleasing behavior, often to avoid conflict or rejection (Read our blog “Why Am I Terrified of Rejection?”)
Difficulty saying “no,” even when overwhelmed or uncomfortable
Over-apologizing, even when not at fault
Taking responsibility for others’ emotions or trying to “fix” how they feel
Suppressing personal needs, desires, or opinions to maintain harmony
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or prioritizing yourself
Avoiding conflict at all costs, even when it means self-sacrifice
Fear of being disliked, abandoned, or seen as “difficult”
Tuning into others' moods and adjusting behavior to keep them happy
Low self-worth, often tied to how well you serve or please others
One common example of the fawn response is people-pleasing. A person may constantly agree with others, go out of their way to avoid saying "no," or suppress their opinions to keep everyone happy. While it may look like kindness or helpfulness on the surface, it is often rooted in fear- fear of rejection, anger, or abandonment. Over time, this can lead to resentment, burnout, or a loss of identity. To find out more information, read our blog “How To Know If You Are A People Pleaser and the Psychology Behind It.”
Another sign of fawning is over-apologizing or taking responsibility for others' emotions. Someone in a fawn state may blame themselves for situations that are not their fault, apologize excessively, or feel intense guilt over minor mistakes. This behavior often develops from environments where expressing needs was met with punishment or where the individual felt responsible for the emotional well-being of others, such as a parent or partner.
A less obvious but equally important example is difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries. If you fawn, you may struggle to say no, allow others to overstep your limits, or feel extreme discomfort when trying to assert yourself. You may fear that setting boundaries will lead to conflict or disapproval. This chronic self-abandonment can affect relationships, mental health, and self-esteem- making it crucial to recognize and heal from the fawn response. Check out our blog “The Truth Behind Why Boundaries Are Important For Maintaining Mental Health.”
A final example of the fawn response is constantly scanning for others’ needs and emotions, often at the expense of your own. This hyper-attunement can look like anticipating how someone might react, changing behavior to prevent discomfort in others, or feeling responsible for managing the emotional atmosphere in a room. While this heightened empathy can seem like emotional intelligence, it often stems from a survival instinct- learning to read and respond to others' moods to stay safe or avoid conflict. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion and a disconnection from one’s true feelings, as you become more focused on external validation than internal alignment.
What is an example of the fawn fear response?
An example of the fawn fear response can be seen in someone who consistently goes out of their way to avoid upsetting others, even when it means ignoring their own needs or values. Imagine a person in a toxic workplace where their manager frequently criticizes or belittles them. Instead of speaking up, setting boundaries, or seeking help, the employee works overtime without complaint, agrees with everything the manager says, and tries to stay constantly cheerful to avoid becoming a target. On the surface, this might look like dedication or loyalty, but it is actually a fear-driven attempt to stay safe by appeasing a perceived threat.
This response often begins in childhood, particularly in environments where a caregiver’s mood or behavior was unpredictable or emotionally unsafe. A child may learn to survive by becoming hyper-attuned to others’ emotions, pleasing authority figures, and minimizing their own needs. As adults, they may carry these behaviors into relationships- apologizing excessively, avoiding conflict at all costs, or feeling overwhelming guilt when trying to advocate for themselves. These reactions are not about genuine kindness or generosity; they are survival strategies developed to avoid emotional harm.
The core of the fawn response is fear- fear of rejection, punishment, abandonment, or conflict. While it can be hard to recognize because it’s often mistaken for being “nice” or “selfless,” it is actually a form of self-protection. Understanding that these behaviors are rooted in fear, not personality, allows individuals to begin separating their trauma response from their true self and start setting boundaries, expressing their needs, and building relationships based on mutual respect rather than fear-based compliance.
How common is the fawn response?
The fawn response is more common than many people realize, particularly among those who have experienced complex trauma, emotionally unpredictable environments, or codependent relationships. Unlike the more visible fight, flight, or freeze responses, fawning can be easily masked as being polite, agreeable, or “easygoing.” Because these behaviors are often praised or rewarded- especially in families, schools, and workplaces- many individuals may not recognize that their people-pleasing or boundary-blurring tendencies are actually rooted in a trauma response.
Research and clinical observations suggest that fawning is especially prevalent among individuals who grew up in households with emotional neglect, abuse, or inconsistent caregiving. In such environments, children often learn that the best way to stay safe or earn love is to be agreeable, helpful, and non-confrontational. Over time, this survival strategy becomes deeply ingrained, continuing into adulthood in personal, professional, and romantic relationships. While not everyone exposed to trauma will develop a fawn response, it is a particularly common coping mechanism in relational or attachment-based trauma. Read our blog “How Childhood Trauma Can Impact You As An Adult.”
Despite its prevalence, the fawn response is still under-recognized, even in mental health conversations. This lack of awareness can make it harder for people to identify the pattern in themselves or seek support. However, as trauma education becomes more widespread, more individuals are beginning to understand the impact of fawning and how it has shaped their relationships, self-worth, and decision-making. Recognizing the response is a powerful first step toward healing and developing healthier, more authentic ways of relating to others.
What is the difference between masking and fawning?
Masking and fawning are both coping strategies that involve altering or suppressing one’s true feelings or identity in response to perceived threats or social pressure. While they can look similar on the surface; such as people-pleasing, staying quiet, or changing behavior to fit in; they arise from different motivations and psychological roots. Understanding the distinction between the two is important for identifying what is driving certain behaviors and how to heal from them.
Masking typically refers to the act of concealing one’s authentic self, often in neurodivergent individuals, such as those with autism or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It involves consciously or unconsciously imitating neurotypical behavior in order to be accepted, avoid judgment, or meet social expectations. For example, someone might mimic facial expressions, suppress stimming behaviors, or rehearse conversations to appear “normal” in social settings. Masking can be emotionally exhausting and lead to burnout, but it is not always directly tied to trauma- it is often a response to societal norms or lack of understanding and acceptance.
What are some signs of masking?
Mimicking others’ facial expressions, tone, or body language to blend in
Rehearsing conversations or social interactions in advance
Suppressing natural behaviors like stimming (e.g., fidgeting, hand-flapping)
Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable
Smiling or laughing in social situations despite feeling overwhelmed or anxious
Avoiding topics of personal interest to appear more “normal”
Pretending to understand something to avoid asking questions
Adopting a “social script” to navigate conversations
Hiding sensory sensitivities (e.g., pretending not to be bothered by noise, lights, or textures)
Feeling emotionally drained or exhausted after socializing
Constantly monitoring or second-guessing behavior to avoid judgment
Struggling with identity or self-expression due to long-term self-suppression
Fawning, on the other hand, is a trauma response. It develops as a survival strategy in environments where asserting oneself feels unsafe, such as in emotionally abusive or neglectful relationships. A person fawns to avoid conflict, rejection, or harm by appeasing others through over-agreeing, over-apologizing, or prioritizing others’ needs above their own. Unlike masking, which is often about fitting in socially, fawning is about staying safe relationally. It is driven by fear and a belief (often subconscious) that worth or safety depends on keeping others happy.
While both behaviors involve a loss of authenticity and self-suppression, the key difference lies in the root cause: masking is often shaped by neurodivergence and social conditioning while fawning is a trauma-based response to perceived interpersonal danger. Recognizing whether you are masking, fawning, or both can help guide your healing process whether that involves exploring trauma recovery, setting boundaries, embracing neurodivergence, or building self-acceptance.
How do you fix a fawn response?
Healing from a fawn response starts with building awareness. Because fawning often feels like kindness or being “easy to get along with,” it can be hard to recognize it as a trauma response. The first step is to notice patterns where you override your own needs, apologize excessively, or prioritize others’ feelings at your expense. Journaling, self-reflection, or talking with trusted friends can help illuminate these behaviors and their emotional impact. Read our blog “Is Journaling Good For Your Mental Health?”. Awareness lays the groundwork for change, helping you understand that your fawning response developed as a way to survive, not as a reflection of your true worth or personality.
Working with a trauma therapist at Anchor Therapy can be incredibly valuable when addressing a fawn response. Our counselors who are trained in trauma-informed care can help you safely explore the roots of your behavior, often tracing it back to childhood experiences or past relationships where you felt powerless. Through therapy, you can learn to identify triggers that activate the fawning response and develop healthier ways to cope. Techniques like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), somatic experiencing, or Internal Family Systems (IFS) can support you in reclaiming your voice and setting boundaries without fear.
Another key part of healing involves practicing boundary-setting and assertiveness. Because fawning often means sacrificing your own needs to keep others happy, learning to say “no” and express your desires is crucial. This can start with small steps, such as voicing preferences in low-stakes situations, and gradually move toward more challenging scenarios. Role-playing exercises in therapy or with supportive friends can boost your confidence. Over time, setting boundaries becomes less intimidating and more natural, helping you build relationships based on mutual respect rather than fear-based compliance.
Self-compassion is equally important in this process. Fawning often leaves people feeling guilty, ashamed, or “less than” because they have prioritized others for so long. Reminding yourself that these behaviors were survival strategies, not flaws, can soften self-judgment and open space for healing. Mindfulness practices, affirmations, and supportive therapy can nurture this self-kindness. As you become gentler with yourself, you create an internal environment where your true needs and feelings can emerge safely.
Ultimately, healing from a fawn response is a journey of reconnecting with your authentic self and reclaiming your power. It takes time, patience, and often professional support to undo years of learned behavior. But with awareness, therapy, boundary work, and self-compassion, it is possible to move from a place of fear and self-sacrifice into one of confidence, balance, and healthier relationships!
Recognizing the signs of the fawn response is a powerful step toward healing and reclaiming your voice. While it can feel uncomfortable at first to challenge these deeply ingrained patterns, remember that you deserve to prioritize your own needs and set boundaries without fear. With patience, self-compassion, and often the support of a skilled therapist, you can move beyond survival mode and build relationships grounded in respect and authenticity. Embracing this journey empowers you to live more fully as your true, confident self.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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