Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.
Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team.
When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk.
Love bombing is a specific type of emotional abuse. It is a tactic where someone will “bomb” you with extreme displays of affection and attention. While it may seem like this person has fallen head over heels and madly in love with you, there is a darker truth to the matter. A love bomber is using their grand gestures with the intent of manipulating you.
Being showered with love and affection can feel good and even positive at the very beginning of the relationship, but it can lead to serious issues down the road, like gaslighting and abuse. Love bombing is a very common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths in relationships so they can control you.
When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.
On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.
You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.
Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.
Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.
Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.
Do you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you have to follow a schedule or routine at all times? Do you try to control other people in your life? If you are dealing with control issues, it is likely that you feel like you must exert power over your life, relationships, and general environment. In some cases, this exertion of power may extend to the life of other people.
Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviors of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.
At Anchor Therapy, we are currently accepting new clients and are now providing telehealth (video & phone) sessions for residents of New Jersey and New York as well as in-person sessions at our new office in downtown Hoboken, NJ! Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, substance abuse, addiction, identity, and life transitions.
As we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the COVID-19 pandemic some people are starting to experience anxiety about having to return to their “normal” life. Since the pandemic lasted over a year, a lot of people have adjusted to a new normal that they’re now comfortable with. Because we have been told to stay home more and physically socially distance from others, it has led to people spending more and more time with the family they live with and people in their quarantine bubble. A lot of people had the luxury of working from home or anywhere that they can get access to WiFi. This led many people to move to a new location since they could truly work from anywhere. Now that millions of Americans are getting vaccinated, businesses and people in general are starting to discuss how they will operate after the COVID-19 is no longer a high risk. The thought about returning to normal has caused many people to feel anxious about making this transition.
The word “boundaries” gets thrown around often. What even are boundaries? Simply put, boundaries are guidelines or limits that send others a clear message. Boundaries are important for establishing a healthy relationship. Some of your current relationships may be lacking some boundaries at this time. It is not impossible to establish new boundaries, however it will take work, determination, and respect. Creating boundaries with family and friends can be very difficult. You have had a certain relationship with these individuals for months or years, and making changes in relationships is not a simple task.
The time of year is approaching when senior year teens in high school are anxiously waiting for their grade school years to end. Your teen may already know what college they are going to, they may be waiting to see what college(s) they get into, or they may be figuring out something different to do after graduation. The final countdown to the end of high school is quickly approaching which can be a very exciting time, but it can also lead to many emotions and sometimes issues. It could be hard to tell if your teen has a lack of motivation, is feeling depressed, and/or has senioritis. I am here to help talk you through some of the differences to look out for.
We see a lot of clients who come in for therapy feeling unsure if they have a diagnosis of depression or if they’re just feeling a normal amount of sadness. There is a clinical way to diagnose depression and there are different degrees of a depression diagnosis: mild, moderate, and severe. You could also be experiencing a single episode of depression meaning that you have been experiencing these symptoms of sadness for 2 weeks-6 months. If you have been experiencing these symptoms for greater than 6 months then you would be diagnosed with a more long-term depression. The short answer here is that everyone could use the benefits that come from going to therapy. So even if you are feeling a normal amount of sadness and you don’t technically qualify for a depression diagnosis, you could still get a lot out of going to therapy. Counseling can help you feel more yourself and that you’re in a better place to take on the world.
The year 2020 will probably be known in future history books as one of the most challenging years to live through. Usually at this time of the year, people are reflecting on the past year and what is to come in the new year. While you are reflecting, you may think to yourself that you should accomplish some things before the year ends that you may not have checked off your list or had time to complete.
My overall answer as to what you must do before the end of the year is: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. This year has taken its toll and your stress levels may be at an all time high. Hopefully you have some time off from work/school coming up that you can finally take some time to relax. You do not need to be productive at all times. It is actually more beneficial to take breaks and time off so that you can be at your highest level when you return. Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you should be productive at all moments of the day. You should never feel bad for relaxing. Relaxing can actually be purposeful and feel productive as well. Below are some tips on how to relax before the end of this year.
In the world of COVID-19 and a global pandemic, many people are having a lot of stress and anxiety with the upcoming holidays. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Years Eve, and more holidays are right around the corner. People typically have traditions and plans to see family who they may not typically see throughout the year. December is usually a time when a lot of people get together with not only their loved ones, but also their colleagues and friends during multiple celebrations. In 2020, every social holiday tradition is being challenged and questioned as to how safe it is to celebrate as usual.
Many of us have heard of the term “high functioning addict”, yet this term is a bit of an oxymoron. This concept references individuals that use substances frequently but have yet to hit the notion of a “rock bottom”. They do not fit the typical media stereotype of an addict- someone who is using all day long, struggling with unemployment, estranged from family, and not being able to handle any responsibilities.
“High functioning addicts” balance successful careers, manage their household responsibilities, lead active social lives while keeping their substance use private and hidden from loved ones. These individuals have managed to avoid a “rock bottom”. High functioning addicts tend to feel that their substance use is a bit excessive, but largely under control because their career, family, money and social life continue to function.
Normally, the holidays can be a stressful time to plan around different family, friend, and job celebrations. With the COVID-19 pandemic, the stress of the holidays has been at an all time high. With the colder weather approaching along with the holiday season, a lot of people are worried how they will continue to socialize safely with others. The best part about the holiday season is that you are spending time with people you care most about. It is typical to see some family or friends once a year due to the holidays. This year, it is not only hard to travel but it is also stressful to figure out how to plan holiday celebrations while feeling safe.
As a therapist, I have been seeing an increase in anxiety and stress due to the election season. With election day coming up, a lot of people are feeling scared, hopeless, nervous, angry, confused, and are experiencing relationship issues with others who oppose their views. All of these feelings are very normal and valid to have right now. If you are experiencing anxiety or stress due to the election, below are some tips to take that could help you get through each day. These tips are not meant to replace your need to take action during this time or to blind you from what is happening in our political climate right now. The goal here is to create awareness if are feeling overwhelmed and to take some time to better your mental health along the way.
Having a baby is an exciting, scary, and all-consuming time in the lives of any couple growing their family. As a marriage counselor, it’s important to recognize that a new baby also brings a new set of challenges. If you start to feel like your marriage has taken a back seat to everything else life is throwing at you, it may be time to consider asking for help to get back on track.
Where there was once time for your partner and your own personal time, the schedule may now be packed with feedings, diaper changes, chores, and what seems to be an endless to-do list. When every moment of the day has to be scheduled and you add a global pandemic to the equation, connecting with your partner could unknowingly fall to the bottom of the priority list.
The COVID-19 pandemic has left many Brides with feelings of uncertainty. If you are planning a wedding during this pandemic, those moments of uncertainty are likely magnified with feelings of anxiety, fear, and frustration. So many Brides and couples planning weddings right now are struggling to manage the planning process. As a psychotherapist, I can give you some tools that can be used to help you cope with the stress of planning.
Having a career in the financial industry can be challenging to say the least. Long hours, constant pressure, intense competition, and short term deadlines tend to be the norm in the business. Company culture tries to support a work-life balance, but often you find yourself not even able to get up to go to the bathroom, let alone think about self-care!
Today, due to COVID-19, you find that there is more stress at work. The financial industry is constantly changing with the concerns over the impact of COVID-19 on the market and businesses. Companies are trying to find a way to operate on the bare minimum to save money, resulting in less staff and resources. You find your work load is increasing and you are feeling stretched to the limit. Not only are you trying to accomplish work demands, but you are also trying to adjust to working from home. The already fine line between work and home life has become blurred. Vacations are basically non-existent and socializing is limited. With high expectations, limited time off and constant access to your work at home, how do you manage it all? When do you give yourself a break?
When it comes to communicating as a couple, you may find that you or your partner’s defense mechanisms are getting in the way of healthy communication. This may lead to what feels like constant fighting and a fractured relationship. Defense mechanisms in a relationship can be really dangerous. This often looks like yelling, giving the silent treatment, eye rolling, making excuses, justifying behavior, or being sarcastic. These reactions will arise when you are in a conflict in your relationship and you begin to feel hurt, sad, or angry and your self-esteem is being threatened. These cycles can leave you feeling helpless; however, healthy communication is absolutely possible. By changing your subconscious cues, you can begin to break the cycle of fighting and create healthier communication.
The pandemic has been a difficult time for everyone, but one group of people who are experiencing increased symptoms of depression are athletes. Since March 2020, most sports were completely cancelled. Now that the fall is starting up with a new sports season, some sports are able to return. But a lot of sports remain cancelled or postponed. Athletes find a lot of purpose, motivation, and validation from competing in their sport. Due to COVID-19, this may be the first time in many years that an athlete does not have their sport to train for and feels empty.
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