Couples counseling, toxic relationships, Trust Issues, Hoboken NJ therapist, Narcissistic Abuse
Courtney Glashow
8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

You're walking on eggshells in your own home. Conversations that should be simple turn into something you have to brace yourself for, and the moment you push back on anything, the script flips and somehow you're the bad one. You've started Googling words like "narcissist" and "manipulation" at 11pm because you don't know what to call what's happening, but you know something is wrong. You searched for how to deal with a narcissist, and you landed here. This post walks through what actually counts as narcissistic behavior versus everyday self-centeredness, what to watch for in your own relationship, and 8 specific strategies our therapists at Anchor Therapy use with clients who can't, or aren't ready to, leave the relationship.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist
nj therapist, nyc therapist, boundaries
Courtney Glashow
What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A ...

While everyone suffers and goes through uncomfortable situations from time-to-time, that does not mean that you should be left to suffer. In a scapegoating situation, you as the scapegoat are the one who assumes responsibility on behalf of someone else. This is not a voluntary position that you offer, instead it is pushed upon you. 

Scapegoating can occur in many different environments. Most commonly, people discuss scapegoating dynamics within families. For more information, read our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families.” In families, a scapegoat can be unfairly blamed for conflicts within the family.

With that being said, scapegoating can occur in other relationships as well. At work, an employee or group of workers may be blamed for company-wide or organizational problems. At school, a student may be targeted for classroom concerns. Within communities, certain people may be blamed for widespread social problems. Regardless of the setting, the act of scapegoating is always used to intentionally shift blame and avoid addressing the reality of a situation and the actual issues at-hand.

What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A Scapegoat
family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
nyc therapist, relationship counseling, loneliness
Courtney Glashow
Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing

Love bombing is a specific type of emotional abuse. It is a tactic where someone will “bomb” you with extreme displays of affection and attention. While it may seem like this person has fallen head over heels and madly in love with you, there is a darker truth to the matter. A love bomber is using their grand gestures with the intent of manipulating you. 

Being showered with love and affection can feel good and even positive at the very beginning of the relationship, but it can lead to serious issues down the road, like gaslighting and abuse. Love bombing is a very common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths in relationships so they can control you.

Overcoming the Aftermath of Love Bombing
relationship counseling, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
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The Top Reasons Why You Should Practice Mindfulness

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The Top Reasons Why You Should Practice Mindfulness

Do you need to clear your mind? Do you find it difficult to focus on one thing? If so, you might benefit from learning about mindfulness.

Mindfulness is our ability as humans to be fully aware and present of our current situations. When we are aware of where we are and what we are doing, it helps us not overreact or be overwhelmed by external circumstances. Regardless of your location or state of mind, mindfulness can help you center yourself and bring you back to a state of calmness. Everyone has access to mindfulness; you just need to know how to cultivate it.

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How Meditation Can Lead To Stress Reduction

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How Meditation Can Lead To Stress Reduction

As the COVID-19 pandemic is slowly coming to a halt and safety precautions are being lifted, people are returning to their pre-pandemic lives. The embrace of packed schedules can unfortunately create stress. A lot of people are feeling stressed during these times, particularly with work or school-related stress.

Some stressful life events may include:

  • Job loss

  • Starting a new job

  • Moving

  • Death of a loved one

  • Major illness or injury

  • Divorce

  • Marriage

  • Retirement

  • Transitioning to adulthood

  • Pregnancy

Broadly, stress can be described as a change that creates physical, emotional, or psychological tension. To help ease your worries, you can turn to meditation. Meditation is the active practice of training your concentration and awareness to achieve a clear and serene mental and emotional state.

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How to be Alone without Being Lonely

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How to be Alone without Being Lonely

As COVID-19 is coming to an end, everyone is adopting new changes yet again. While some people may be back in the office, others may be continuing to work remotely. People who were continuously surrounded by family or their ‘quarantine team’ for the past year and a half, may now be alone, getting back into the swing of a full-time schedule. Loneliness happens when you feel like your social and emotional needs are not being fulfilled. On the other hand, being alone can be a refreshing experience where you find much-needed serenity and solitude.

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Reflecting on Mental Health during the COVID-19 Pandemic

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Reflecting on Mental Health during the COVID-19 Pandemic

As the COVID-19 pandemic is slowly coming to a halt, people are finally resuming their pre-pandemic activities and busy schedules. While this requires an adjustment from the adopted “new” normal, many businesses are starting to boom again, and families and friends are being reunited. As society comes together to collectively battle the virus with mass vaccinations, an opportunity presents itself to reflect on how your mental health was impacted during quarantine and mandated social distancing. It is essential to understand personal reactions to the pandemic to conform to previous routines and re-enter society successfully.

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

At Anchor Therapy, we are currently accepting new clients and are now providing telehealth (video & phone) sessions for residents of New Jersey and New York as well as in-person sessions at our new office in downtown Hoboken, NJ! Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, substance abuse, addiction, identity, and life transitions.

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The Best Ways To Cope With Life Transitions

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The Best Ways To Cope With Life Transitions

Everyone experiences life transitions as they shift into a new chapter or role in their life. Some common examples are attending a new school, getting a new job, becoming a parent, getting married, losing someone, moving homes, opening a business, surviving a pandemic, and retiring. Since these life transitions are common and a lot of people experience them you may feel that you should be able to deal with it on your own since everyone else seems to. Just because others have experienced similar life transitions, it does not mean that it will be easy for you and you should not feel like you have to do it alone. In this blog I will discuss some common life transitions and how to cope with them. These coping tools can also apply to any life transition you are going through.

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How To Return To "Normal" With Post Pandemic Anxiety

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How To Return To "Normal" With Post Pandemic Anxiety

As we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the COVID-19 pandemic some people are starting to experience anxiety about having to return to their “normal” life. Since the pandemic lasted over a year, a lot of people have adjusted to a new normal that they’re now comfortable with. Because we have been told to stay home more and physically socially distance from others, it has led to people spending more and more time with the family they live with and people in their quarantine bubble. A lot of people had the luxury of working from home or anywhere that they can get access to WiFi. This led many people to move to a new location since they could truly work from anywhere. Now that millions of Americans are getting vaccinated, businesses and people in general are starting to discuss how they will operate after the COVID-19 is no longer a high risk. The thought about returning to normal has caused many people to feel anxious about making this transition.

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How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships

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How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships

The word “boundaries” gets thrown around often. What even are boundaries? Simply put, boundaries are guidelines or limits that send others a clear message. Boundaries are important for establishing a healthy relationship. Some of your current relationships may be lacking some boundaries at this time. It is not impossible to establish new boundaries, however it will take work, determination, and respect. Creating boundaries with family and friends can be very difficult. You have had a certain relationship with these individuals for months or years, and making changes in relationships is not a simple task.

WandaVision: How It Got The 5 Stages Of Grief Right

WandaVision: How It Got The 5 Stages Of Grief Right

WandaVision is an amazing show that aired on Disney+ as part of the Marvel Universe. It is definitely a must watch show if you love Marvel films. The premise of the show is that Wanda is a character who has suffered from a lot of loss and trauma throughout her life. She then fell in love with her partner Vision who she planned to spend the rest of her life with. After Wanda suffered the loss of her twin brother, her partner Vision then died. Because this is part of the Marvel Universe, Wanda also has intense superpowers in which she has a hard time controlling. Her immense amount of grief brings Wanda through the 5 stages of grief throughout this show in a very realistic way. Anyone who has been through a loss can relate to what Wanda seems to be going through.

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The Most Important Things You Need To Know About Anger Management

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The Most Important Things You Need To Know About Anger Management

You may have found yourself wondering how to control your anger lately as your emotions have gotten more and more heated. Therapy is a great resource to help with anger management. Before trying therapy, you can try some tips on your own to help deal with your anger. Whenever you are dealing with big emotions, you need to give yourself the time and space to practice techniques that can help. While reading the tips below you should see which one works best for you since everyone’s different. Once you find what helps, you should practice it as often as you can so that it becomes a habitual coping mechanism.

Senioritis vs Depression: How To Decode Your Teen

Senioritis vs Depression: How To Decode Your Teen

The time of year is approaching when senior year teens in high school are anxiously waiting for their grade school years to end. Your teen may already know what college they are going to, they may be waiting to see what college(s) they get into, or they may be figuring out something different to do after graduation. The final countdown to the end of high school is quickly approaching which can be a very exciting time, but it can also lead to many emotions and sometimes issues. It could be hard to tell if your teen has a lack of motivation, is feeling depressed, and/or has senioritis. I am here to help talk you through some of the differences to look out for.

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Couples Counseling: 7 Types Of Relationships That Can Benefit From Therapy

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Couples Counseling: 7 Types Of Relationships That Can Benefit From Therapy

Are you feeling like you are growing apart in your relationship, bickering over small things, or just becoming more frustrated and impatient with one another? Are arguments occurring more frequently and more intensely?

All relationships experience arguments, but at times navigating through the conflict may seem more and more challenging. We find ourselves falling into communication cycles that we cannot seem to break out of and we don’t know what to do differently. On top of it, the pandemic is amplifying tensions and bringing out those underlying cracks in our relationship. We keep trying to struggle through it with our partners, but are finding ourselves feeling increasingly frustrated, angry and exhausted.

Whether your relationship could just use a tune up or you are feeling desperate for change, couples counseling can be the tool that helps get you what you need in your relationship. Seeking help earlier in the process is a benefit because unhealthy behaviors can be more difficult to change as time passes (but never impossible!). We all have behaviors we can work on and therapy can give us the opportunity to work on ourselves while also developing a better understanding of our spouse or partner(s).

Sadness vs Depression: When To Get Help

Sadness vs Depression: When To Get Help

We see a lot of clients who come in for therapy feeling unsure if they have a diagnosis of depression or if they’re just feeling a normal amount of sadness. There is a clinical way to diagnose depression and there are different degrees of a depression diagnosis: mild, moderate, and severe. You could also be experiencing a single episode of depression meaning that you have been experiencing these symptoms of sadness for 2 weeks-6 months. If you have been experiencing these symptoms for greater than 6 months then you would be diagnosed with a more long-term depression. The short answer here is that everyone could use the benefits that come from going to therapy. So even if you are feeling a normal amount of sadness and you don’t technically qualify for a depression diagnosis, you could still get a lot out of going to therapy. Counseling can help you feel more yourself and that you’re in a better place to take on the world.

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How LGBTQ+ Teens Benefit From Virtual Support Groups

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How LGBTQ+ Teens Benefit From Virtual Support Groups

Our LGBTQ+ Teen Group is our most popular support group for a reason. Most teens could use extra support from their peers to relate to and see that they are not alone in their struggles. Teens who identify as LGBTQ+ have a higher level of mental health issues and are in need of more support, acceptance, and guidance. When someone is questioning their identity, it is typically hard to know what to do about the possibility of coming out to others or how to process what they are feeling. Being in a group can help teens not only get support from likeminded peers, but it can also help them explore themselves more and find out who they truly are. A LGBTQ+ specific group provides the safe space needed to build a teen’s confidence.

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5 Things You Must Do Before This Year Ends

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5 Things You Must Do Before This Year Ends

The year 2020 will probably be known in future history books as one of the most challenging years to live through. Usually at this time of the year, people are reflecting on the past year and what is to come in the new year. While you are reflecting, you may think to yourself that you should accomplish some things before the year ends that you may not have checked off your list or had time to complete.

My overall answer as to what you must do before the end of the year is: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. This year has taken its toll and your stress levels may be at an all time high. Hopefully you have some time off from work/school coming up that you can finally take some time to relax. You do not need to be productive at all times. It is actually more beneficial to take breaks and time off so that you can be at your highest level when you return. Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you should be productive at all moments of the day. You should never feel bad for relaxing. Relaxing can actually be purposeful and feel productive as well. Below are some tips on how to relax before the end of this year.

Processing 2020 And Looking Forward Into The New Year

Processing 2020 And Looking Forward Into The New Year

This previous year of 2020 has definitely been a tough one for just about everyone. It’s important to acknowledge that we made it through the year, and you are forging forward. Many people have experienced losses and challenges since the COVID-19 virus began. Those losses may have been the life of a loved one, a job, a business, a recent living environment, and major life events.

You may have had to postpone, reschedule, or cancel your wedding plans or a special celebration. Maybe you had a virtual party for a once in a lifetime event. Many of you had not planned to celebrate your birthday the way that you did this year. The number of trips you tried to plan and had to cancel is becoming too large to count on one hand. You had planned to switch jobs or were up for a promotion, and that was put on hold in March.

These losses and challenges may have created a lasting impression on you, and it’s okay to need assistance in processing these emotions. In order to move forward, it can be helpful to look back and process your emotions of the past year.

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How To Cancel Holiday Plans Last Minute

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How To Cancel Holiday Plans Last Minute

In the world of COVID-19 and a global pandemic, many people are having a lot of stress and anxiety with the upcoming holidays. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Years Eve, and more holidays are right around the corner. People typically have traditions and plans to see family who they may not typically see throughout the year. December is usually a time when a lot of people get together with not only their loved ones, but also their colleagues and friends during multiple celebrations. In 2020, every social holiday tradition is being challenged and questioned as to how safe it is to celebrate as usual.

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4 DBT Skills to Help Cope with Anxiety

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4 DBT Skills to Help Cope with Anxiety

If you have ever heard of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), you may have heard that it is one of the best treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). And it is. However, since the creation of the treatment in 1993, it has been made clear that DBT is effective for many other life issues, specifically anxiety.

DBT is an evidenced based practice used to enhance the ability to cope with overwhelming emotions. Anxiety often occurs when you feel that you have lost control. The skills that can be learned through DBT will enable you to find healthier ways to cope with life, which will assist in easing anxieties and living life more effectively as you learn to cope with your emotions.

Between the recent election and the pandemic, we are living in a very stressful climate for many people. It is common to have a variety of emotions and thoughts during this time, and it may be creating difficulty in managing your emotions.

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How To Thrive On The Frontlines: Seeking Support As A Healthcare First Responder

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How To Thrive On The Frontlines: Seeking Support As A Healthcare First Responder

Having a career in healthcare is extremely rewarding, but can leave you feeling emotionally drained. As a first responder and helping professional, you are always there to give a hand to others, but often find little time to care for yourself! Particularly during the pandemic, as a nurse, doctor or healthcare professional, you are stretched to the limit. You dedicate yourself to taking care of the emotional and physical needs of everyone else without a second thought to the traumatic toll it takes on you.

We all originally had wishful thinking that the pandemic would come and go. New York and New Jersey were hit especially hard- we went through astronomical numbers of sick and dead. You operated on a level of constant fear, panic and adrenaline. Now the numbers have dropped and the climate is adjusting to this new normal, but this can also be frightening. Reality is setting in that this may not be going away soon. With the winter coming and cases in New York and New Jersey rising again, we are looking at a second wave.

You are human! It would be impossible to go through an ordeal like this without any difficulties. It is important to take a look at how you are functioning and explore any signs of post-traumatic stress. As a healthcare first responder, you need to take care of yourself in order to help anyone else!

“High Functioning Addict”: Spot The Signs And How To Get Help

“High Functioning Addict”: Spot The Signs And How To Get Help

Many of us have heard of the term “high functioning addict”, yet this term is a bit of an oxymoron. This concept references individuals that use substances frequently but have yet to hit the notion of a “rock bottom”. They do not fit the typical media stereotype of an addict- someone who is using all day long, struggling with unemployment, estranged from family, and not being able to handle any responsibilities.

“High functioning addicts” balance successful careers, manage their household responsibilities, lead active social lives while keeping their substance use private and hidden from loved ones. These individuals have managed to avoid a “rock bottom”. High functioning addicts tend to feel that their substance use is a bit excessive, but largely under control because their career, family, money and social life continue to function.

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