In today’s dating culture, the line between "casually seeing someone" and "being in a relationship" can be frustratingly blurry and that gray area is often called a situationship. A situationship is when you are more than friends, less than official, and constantly guessing where you stand. Maybe it started off light and easy, but now you are emotionally invested while still lacking clarity, consistency, or commitment. If you are feeling stuck, confused, or emotionally drained, you are not alone and it may be time to reevaluate what you are really getting out of the connection.
Getting out of a situationship can feel trickier than breaking off a defined relationship. There might not be clear rules, but that does not mean your feelings are not real and it does not mean you have to stay in something that no longer serves you. Whether you are looking for more or finally ready to let go, this blog will help you recognize the signs it is time to move on, navigate the emotional side of detaching, and set clear boundaries for your next chapter. Read our blog “How to Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships.”
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
When to cut off a situationship
Navigating a situationship can feel like walking a tightrope- you are emotionally invested but unsure where you stand. There are good moments that keep you holding on, but just enough confusion to leave you feeling unsettled. While not every connection needs a label, there comes a point where the lack of clarity turns into emotional exhaustion. If you are constantly questioning the dynamic or wondering if it is time to move on, rest assured that you are not being dramatic. You are simply tuning in to your own needs. So how do you know when enough is enough?
When Your Needs Are Not Being Met
A major red flag in any situationship is when your emotional, physical, or relational needs consistently go unmet. If you are always left wondering where you stand, feel like you are giving more than you are receiving, or constantly suppress your feelings to keep the peace, it is time to pause and reflect. A healthy connection, whether labeled or not, should bring you a sense of security, not confusion. If your needs for clarity, consistency, or commitment are being ignored, that is not a gray area, it is a sign.
In a situationship, you may feel…
Excited by the connection but unsure where it is heading
Hopeful for something more but afraid to ask
Confused about boundaries and expectations
Craving closeness but hesitant to fully commit
Caught between enjoying the moment and wanting clarity
Feeling seen sometimes, invisible at others
Wondering if it is just a phase or the start of something real
Experiencing a mix of joy, anxiety, and uncertainty all at once
Check out our blog “What Is A Situationship?”.
2. When Communication Is Inconsistent or Surface-Level
In a situationship, one of the most telling signs that it is time to walk away is the lack of meaningful communication. If every conversation feels shallow, plans are always last-minute, or you feel nervous bringing up anything "too deep," you are likely in a dynamic where your emotional safety is not prioritized. True intimacy is built through openness and vulnerability. If you cannot speak freely without fear of pushing someone away, you are probably the only one truly invested.
Check out our blog “4 Communication Tips Couples Need to Know.”
3. When You Are Always Anxious or Second-Guessing
Relationships of any kind should not leave you in a constant state of anxiety. If you are obsessively analyzing texts, questioning your worth, or feeling emotionally drained after every interaction, the situationship is costing you more than it is giving. This mental and emotional toll is not just a sign that the connection is unclear, it is a sign that it is unhealthy. When you find yourself more stressed than satisfied, it is time to take a hard look at whether this is love or just a habit of uncertainty.
If you resonate with this, our blog “4 Ways to Manage Your Relationship Anxiety” is a must-read.
4. When You Want More and They Do Not
Perhaps the most obvious and difficult moment to end a situationship is when you have communicated your desire for more, and the other person clearly does not feel the same. It is easy to stick around hoping they will change, but staying in limbo only prolongs your pain. Wanting clarity, commitment, or exclusivity is not asking for too much, it is asking for the right match. If your paths are not aligned, the most self-respecting thing you can do is walk away with your standards intact.
View our blog “The Psychology of Situationships: Are They Toxic?” to learn more.
Walking away from a situationship is not always easy, especially when there is chemistry, history, or hope that things might shift. But clarity, peace, and emotional safety should never be negotiable. Trust yourself when it feels off, and give yourself permission to let go of relationships that leave you guessing. The right connection will not make you question your worth or your place in someone’s life. Sometimes, cutting ties is the first step toward creating space for something healthier, more aligned, and fully mutual.
Does no contact work in situationships?
Yes- no contact can absolutely work in situationships, but what it "works" for depends on your goal. If you are looking to gain clarity, regain your emotional balance, or create distance from a confusing connection, going no contact is often the most powerful move you can make. It removes the constant push-pull dynamic, stops you from overanalyzing mixed signals, and gives you space to reconnect with yourself without the distraction of someone who is not showing up fully.
That said, if your goal with no contact is to make the other person chase you or finally realize your worth, it can backfire emotionally. Situationships often lack the foundation of deep commitment so there is a chance the other person may not react at all. While that can feel painful, it is also revealing. No contact is not a game or manipulation tactic; it is a boundary. It is about protecting your peace and deciding that your well-being matters more than temporary attention or half-hearted connection.
How to go no contact in a situationship:
Decide firmly that you are done:
Commit to your decision before taking action, so you are less likely to second-guess yourself later.
Communicate your boundary clearly (if needed):
Send a short message letting them know you are stepping away and will not be continuing contact.
Delete or block their number:
Remove the temptation to text or call them when emotions run high.
Unfollow, mute, or block on social media:
Create digital distance to avoid watching their life or hoping for attention.
Remove old messages and photos:
Clear out triggers that might stir up emotions or make you question your choice.
Tell a trusted friend for accountability:
Let someone know what you are doing so they can support you and keep you grounded.
Ignore all texts, calls, or DMs:
Do not engage, even if they reach out. Silence is your boundary.
Prepare for emotional waves:
Expect moments of sadness, doubt, or missing them- it is part of the process.
Fill your time with positive distractions:
Stay busy with hobbies, friends, fitness, or new goals to shift your focus.
Remind yourself why you walked away:
Keep a list of reasons or journal entries to reread when you feel tempted to reach out.
Avoid stalking or checking in indirectly:
Do not ask mutual friends about them or peek at their profiles anonymously.
Give it time:
Healing takes time, and the longer you stay no contact, the clearer and stronger you will feel.
Ultimately, no contact "works" best when it is about you. It gives you space to detox from emotional chaos, reflect on what you truly want, and move forward without constantly being pulled back into uncertainty. Whether the other person reaches out or not, the real success of no contact lies in how it helps you take back your power, restore your clarity, and build healthier relationship standards moving forward.
Why is leaving a situationship so hard?
Leaving a situationship can feel just as painful, if not more confusing, than ending a traditional relationship. One of the main reasons is the lack of clarity. Since the connection never had clear boundaries or labels, you are often left wondering what it even was. That emotional ambiguity creates a mental loop of “what ifs” and “maybes,” making it harder to walk away cleanly. You are grieving something that was real to you, even if it was undefined on the surface. Read our blog “Grieving A Life That Never Was.”
Another layer of difficulty is the emotional investment without security. In many situationships, you have built emotional closeness, physical intimacy, and shared vulnerable moments- just without the consistency or commitment. Your brain still forms attachments, and your heart still hopes for more, even if your reality is not matching that hope. It is this gap between what you feel and what you actually have that creates a kind of emotional whiplash, making detachment especially hard.
Unmet potential also plays a huge role. Many people stay in situationships because they are not grieving what the connection was- they are grieving what it could have been. You might see glimpses of what it would look like “if only” they were ready, more communicative, or willing to commit. That potential keeps you holding on, hoping things will shift. But waiting on potential keeps you stuck in an emotional limbo that rarely leads to real fulfillment.
Finally, leaving a situationship often triggers self-worth questions. You may wonder why you were not “enough” for the other person to choose you fully or feel rejected without ever having been officially chosen to begin with. Read our blog “5 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection.” This can lead to shame, confusion, and even obsession. But the truth is, walking away is an act of self-respect, not failure. It is hard because your feelings were real, even if the relationship was not clearly defined. Letting go is how you stop settling for half-hearted love and start creating space for something whole.
How do I detach from someone?
Research shows that 39% of Americans have experienced a situationship at some point in their lives. The truth is that detaching from someone, especially someone you still care about, is one of the hardest emotional challenges. Whether the connection was official or not, your feelings were real, and stepping away means confronting both loss and change. The first step to detachment is acknowledging that the relationship, as it stands, is no longer serving your well-being. This means shifting from a place of emotional dependence to one of self-preservation. It does not mean you stop caring overnight, but it does mean you start choosing yourself even when it hurts.
Creating space is crucial. That might involve going no contact, removing them from your social media, or limiting how often you think or talk about them. Detachment is not just physical, it is mental and emotional. It means resisting the urge to stalk, check in, or hope for closure that may never come. These small acts of discipline start to break the emotional ties. Instead of focusing on what they are doing, shift that energy into your own healing whether it be journaling, working out, learning something new, or spending time with people who ground you.
A powerful and often overlooked step is seeking support from a relationship psychotherapist at Anchor Therapy. Working with a licensed professional can help you untangle the deeper emotional patterns that made you stay in a one-sided or confusing dynamic. They can help you understand attachment styles, process grief in a healthy way, and rebuild self-worth. Therapy is not about fixing you, it is about giving you tools to protect your peace and stop repeating cycles that do not serve you. Sometimes detachment requires unlearning how you were taught to love.
Finally, remind yourself that letting go is not a failure, it is a choice. You are choosing to close a door that no longer opens for you, even if your heart is still catching up. Detachment is a process, not a one-time decision, and there will be moments where you waver. That is okay. What matters is that you keep coming back to your “why.” You deserve mutual effort, clarity, and emotional safety and detaching from someone who cannot give you that is the first brave step toward finding it.
Detaching from a situationship is not easy, but it is one of the most empowering things you can do for your emotional health. Walking away from confusion, inconsistency, and unmet needs clears space for the love, clarity, and connection you truly deserve.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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