Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where someone overwhelms you with excessive attention, affection, and praise to gain control or influence over you. At first, it may feel flattering and exciting, like you have found the perfect partner, but this intense behavior often masks deeper intentions that can lead to emotional manipulation or abuse.
Recognizing the signs of love bombing early is crucial to protect your emotional well-being. From constant messaging and grand romantic gestures to unrealistic promises and quick declarations of love, these behaviors can seem like genuine affection but may actually be attempts to fast-track intimacy and create dependency. Understanding these warning signs empowers you to set healthy boundaries and build relationships based on trust and respect.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is the difference between love bombing and infatuation?
At first glance, love bombing and infatuation might seem similar because both involve intense feelings and excitement early in a relationship. However, the key difference lies in intention and outcome. Infatuation is a natural emotional state where someone feels a strong attraction or admiration toward another person, often idealizing them without yet knowing them deeply. It tends to be temporary and fueled by genuine feelings, even if those feelings are based on limited information or initial impressions.
Love bombing, on the other hand, is a deliberate and often manipulative behavior. It involves overwhelming someone with excessive attention, compliments, and gifts, not just out of affection but as a tactic to gain control or create dependence. The goal is less about forming a healthy connection and more about fast-tracking intimacy to influence or dominate the other person. Read our blog “How to Unlock Emotional Closeness in Your Relationship With An Intimacy Therapist.”
Unlike infatuation, love bombing often comes with unrealistic promises and a pressure to commit quickly, which can make the recipient feel overwhelmed or trapped. View our blog “Overcoming the Aftermath or Love Bombing” to learn more.
While infatuation usually fades naturally as people get to know each other better, love bombing often leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics. After the initial intense phase, the love bomber may withdraw affection, become controlling, or manipulate their partner’s emotions. Recognizing this difference is important for protecting yourself and fostering relationships that grow at a healthy, respectful pace.
What does love bombing look like?
Love bombing often starts with an overwhelming display of affection and attention that feels almost too good to be true. This can include constant texting or calling, showering you with compliments, and grand romantic gestures that seem designed to sweep you off your feet. At this stage, the love bomber may express intense feelings very quickly, such as declaring love within days or pushing for rapid commitment. This flood of affection can make you feel special and deeply valued, but it is often a tactic to create emotional dependency.
Another common sign of love bombing is the insistence on spending all your time together, leaving little room for friends, family, or personal interests. The love bomber might act jealous or possessive early on under the guise of caring deeply. They may also try to isolate you subtly by suggesting that others do not understand or appreciate you like they do. This control can slowly chip away at your boundaries and support system, making you more reliant on their approval and presence. Our blog “Are You In A Relationship With A Controlling Partner?” is a must-read.
Love bombing often involves idealizing you and the relationship, painting a perfect picture that does not match reality. They might make promises of a future together very quickly or push for major life decisions, like moving in together or getting engaged, before a strong foundation is built. If you start to question their behavior or pull back, the love bomber might respond with guilt, anger, or even more intense displays of affection to reel you back in.
Examples of love bombing include:
Sending nonstop texts or calls throughout the day
Showering you with excessive compliments and praise
Making grand romantic gestures very early in the relationship (e.g., expensive gifts, surprise trips)
Quickly declaring love or pushing for a fast commitment
Insisting on spending nearly all your time together, leaving little room for others
Expressing jealousy or possessiveness under the guise of “caring”
Making unrealistic promises about the future early on
Trying to isolate you from friends and family
Over-idealizing you and the relationship, creating a “perfect” image
Reacting with guilt or anger if you try to set boundaries or pull back (View our blog “How to Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships”)
Over time, the intense attention and affection typically fade, revealing controlling or manipulative behaviors underneath. The love bomber may become critical, dismissive, or emotionally distant, leaving you confused and hurt. This cycle of idealization followed by devaluation is a hallmark of love bombing and can be emotionally damaging. Recognizing these patterns early can help you protect yourself and seek healthier, more balanced relationships.
Read our blog “What Are Signs of Love Bombing?” to learn more.
What do love bombing texts look like?
Love bombing texts are often overly intense, frequent, and emotionally charged, especially early in a relationship. These messages might include constant declarations of affection, such as “I have never felt this way about anyone before” or “I think you are my soulmate.” They are typically sent in rapid succession, even if you have not responded yet, creating a sense of urgency and emotional pressure. At first, these texts can feel flattering, but they often skip the natural pace of getting to know someone and aim to fast-track emotional intimacy.
What are signs of healthy emotional intimacy?
Open and honest communication without fear of judgment
Mutual respect for each other’s thoughts, feelings, and boundaries
Feeling safe being vulnerable and sharing personal experiences
Active listening and genuine interest in each other’s lives
Trust built over time through consistent actions and reliability
Comfort with expressing difficult emotions or concerns
Giving and receiving support during both good and challenging times
Maintaining individuality while still feeling connected
No pressure to rush the relationship or force closeness
Mutual appreciation, validation, and emotional reciprocity
Another common feature of love bombing texts is grand promises or future planning far too early. You might receive messages like, “I cannot wait to spend forever with you,” or “We should move in together- it just feels right.” These texts are designed to make you feel deeply connected before a solid emotional foundation has been built. The person may also text constantly throughout the day, needing constant attention or reassurance which can feel overwhelming or intrusive over time.
If you try to slow things down or set boundaries, love bombers may respond with guilt-tripping or emotionally manipulative texts. For example: “I guess I care more than you do,” or “I do not know what I would do without you.” These kinds of messages are meant to create a sense of obligation and keep you emotionally hooked. Recognizing the pattern behind these texts is key to identifying love bombing and protecting yourself from unhealthy relationship dynamics.
What attachment style do love bombers have?
Love bombers are often associated with anxious or disorganized attachment styles though their behavior can sometimes overlap with traits from both. Read our blog “4 Ways to Manage Your Relationship Anxiety.”
People with an anxious attachment style tend to fear abandonment and crave closeness and reassurance in relationships. View our blog “Healing Abandonment Trauma with Inner Work.”
Love bombing can be a way for them to quickly secure emotional connection and commitment, using overwhelming affection and attention to prevent the other person from pulling away. Their behavior may come from a place of deep insecurity and an urgent need to feel loved or wanted.
In other cases, love bombing can stem from a disorganized attachment style, which is often the result of early trauma or inconsistent caregiving in childhood. These individuals may swing between extreme closeness and emotional withdrawal. The love bombing phase becomes a strategy to gain control or reassurance, but once emotional intimacy is established, they might become distant, critical, or even emotionally unsafe. This push-pull dynamic creates confusion for the partner and reflects the internal chaos the love bomber may feel.
It is also important to note that some love bombers exhibit narcissistic traits, which do not always fit neatly into traditional attachment styles. In these cases, love bombing is not about fear of abandonment but about control, validation, and ego reinforcement. These individuals may use affection to manipulate and idealize a partner, only to devalue them once they feel secure in the relationship. Our blog “8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist” is a must-read.
Regardless of the underlying attachment style, love bombing is not a sign of healthy intimacy. While it may stem from unresolved emotional wounds or unmet needs, the behavior often leads to imbalanced, manipulative, or even abusive dynamics. Understanding the attachment patterns behind love bombing can help you recognize red flags and build healthier, more secure connections.
View our blog “How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?”.
What do love bombers want?
At the core, love bombers want control and emotional influence over their partner. By overwhelming someone with intense affection, attention, and praise, they aim to create quick emotional dependency. This early intensity can blur boundaries and make you feel special, chosen, or even obligated to return the affection. Love bombers use this fast-tracked connection to gain a sense of power or security in the relationship, often before trust or emotional safety have had time to develop naturally.
In many cases, love bombers seek constant validation and reassurance. Individuals with anxious or insecure attachment styles may fear being rejected or abandoned, so they attempt to lock in the other person’s loyalty as quickly as possible. View our blog “5 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection.”
Their grand gestures and declarations of love are not always about genuine intimacy- they are often tools to soothe their own inner fears. Unfortunately, once they feel "secure" in the relationship, they may lose interest or become emotionally unpredictable, creating an unhealthy dynamic of emotional highs and lows.
For others, particularly those with narcissistic traits, love bombing is more about ego and control than emotional connection. They may use charm, flattery, and attention to win someone over, only to manipulate or dominate them later. These individuals often want to feel admired, desired, or in charge, and love bombing is a way to secure that admiration quickly. Once their need for validation is met or if the partner starts asserting independence, they may become critical, distant, or even emotionally abusive.
Ultimately, love bombers want to fast-track closeness on their own terms, not necessarily to build a healthy, mutual relationship. Whether driven by fear, insecurity, or ego, their behavior often prioritizes their emotional needs over their partner’s well-being. Recognizing this pattern early is essential as real love develops through mutual respect, open communication, and emotional safety- not pressure, intensity, or control.
How long does love bombing typically last?
Love bombing usually lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, depending on the person and the dynamics of the relationship. This phase often begins very early, sometimes within days of meeting, and is marked by intense attention, constant communication, and dramatic expressions of love or commitment. The goal is to quickly create emotional closeness, so this stage tends to move fast and feel all-consuming. However, it is typically unsustainable, and the intense affection can suddenly shift to distance, criticism, or manipulation once the love bomber feels they have secured your loyalty.
The end of the love bombing phase often coincides with a sudden drop in affection or a shift in the love bomber’s behavior. They may become less responsive, more controlling, or even emotionally unavailable. This change can be confusing and painful, especially if the relationship felt ideal just days or weeks earlier. If you are noticing a sharp contrast between how someone treats you now versus how they did at the beginning, it could be a sign that the love bombing phase is ending and that the true dynamics of the relationship are starting to surface.
Love bombing may feel like a whirlwind romance at first, but it is important to recognize the signs before getting swept away. Healthy love grows with time, trust, and mutual respect- not pressure or intensity. Protect your emotional well-being by staying grounded and listening to your instincts.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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