In today's dating landscape, the lines between friendship and romance are often blurred, giving rise to a relationship status that is confusing and increasingly common: the situationship. Unlike traditional relationships, situationships lack clear labels, boundaries, or expectations yet they often involve emotional intimacy, physical connection, and the routines of a romantic partnership. You might find yourself texting every day, going on dates, and even meeting each other's friends without ever having “the talk” or being exclusive. And while that ambiguity might seem freeing at first, it can quickly become a source of stress and uncertainty depending on your personality and relationship goals.
This blog explores the emotional gray area of situationships- why people enter them, what they offer, and when they might start doing more harm than good. Whether you are currently in one, just got out of one and healing, or are trying to make sense of someone else’s, this space is for unpacking the messy middle ground of modern relationships. Because sometimes, the most complicated relationships are the ones that were never officially defined!
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
How do you tell if it’s a situationship?
In the era of almost-relationships and swipe-right connections, it is becoming increasingly common to find yourself in a romantic gray zone or a situationship. In fact, research shows that 50% of Americans, ages 18 to 34, have been in a situationship.
It is not exactly dating, but it is definitely more than friendship. There might be emotional connection, physical intimacy, and even routines that mirror a relationship, but without any clarity or commitment. While it might seem like a casual and convenient arrangement, situationships often leave one or both people feeling confused, unfulfilled, or stuck. So how do you know if what you are in is a situationship?
Let’s break down the most telling signs:
1. There is no clear label
You spend time together, text regularly, and maybe even act like a couple in public but if someone were to ask, “What are you guys?” you would not know what to say. The lack of a label can feel freeing at first, especially for those avoiding commitment. But over time, the absence of a defined status can lead to uncertainty, especially if one person starts wanting more clarity or exclusivity. If you have been afraid to bring up "the talk" because you are unsure how they will react- or you already know they will avoid it- you are likely not in a real relationship.
2. Things feel inconsistent
One week they are blowing up your phone, planning dates, and being super attentive. The next? You barely hear from them. In a situationship, consistency is rare because there are no established expectations. They do not feel obligated to check in, explain their absence, or be emotionally present. This hot-and-cold behavior can leave you constantly second-guessing where you stand, often leading to overanalyzing texts or interactions.
3. The relationship lacks direction
In healthy relationships, there is typically a shared sense of where things are going- whether that means meeting families, planning trips, or just talking about the future. But in a situationship, things often feel stagnant. You are in a loop: hanging out, hooking up, maybe even enjoying each other’s company, but with no deeper conversations about what is next. If you have been “seeing each other” for months and it still feels like you are treading water, it might be time to question what you are really building.
4. You are emotionally invested—but unsure if they are
You think about them all the time, get excited when they text, and feel let down when they pull away. But when it comes to emotional vulnerability, the connection feels one-sided. Maybe you have opened up to them, but they avoid serious talks. Or maybe they are only emotionally available when it is convenient for them. This imbalance can be painful, especially when you realize that your emotional needs are not being met and might never be.
Check out our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable.”
5. You do not feel secure
A defining feature of situationships is uncertainty. You hesitate to ask where things are going, avoid expressing your feelings, and constantly wonder if you are being “too much.” You might fear that being honest will drive them away. If you do not feel safe or confident expressing your needs, and if the lack of clarity is causing anxiety more than enjoyment, that is a big sign that you are in a situationship, not a solid relationship.
Situationships can start off feeling low-pressure and fun but if left undefined for too long, they often lead to emotional confusion, unbalanced expectations, and heartache. Recognizing the signs is the first step in deciding what you truly want and deserve. Whether that means having an honest conversation, setting boundaries, or walking away altogether, clarity is empowering. You deserve a connection that gives as much as it takes and one that does not leave you guessing where you stand.
What is a textationship?
A textationship is a connection that exists almost entirely through text messages where communication feels frequent, emotional, and sometimes even flirty or intimate but rarely, if ever, translates into real-life interaction. You might find yourself texting someone every day, sharing personal thoughts, sending memes, or having late-night conversations that feel meaningful. On the surface, it can seem like you are building something special. However, despite the constant digital contact, plans to meet up rarely materialize, or when they do, they are often postponed or canceled. The relationship remains comfortably contained within your phone, never fully developing beyond the screen.
One of the main features of a textationship is the illusion of closeness. Because texting allows for curated communication- you can take time to think about what to say, choose how much to reveal, and avoid awkward silences- it can create a false sense of intimacy. It feels emotionally safe, but often lacks vulnerability and depth. There is no body language, tone, or real-world behavior to gauge intentions which makes it easier to avoid tough conversations or emotional accountability. For more information, read our blog “How to Unlock Emotional Closeness in your Relationship with an Intimacy Therapist.”
In a textationship, you may feel:
Emotionally connected but physically distant
Confused about where you stand
Unsure if it is real or it is just a habit
Frustrated by the lack of progress
Anxious or emotionally drained (Check out our blog “How to Use Anxious Attachment Therapy to Build Secure Attachment”)
Over time, this type of connection can become frustrating, especially if one person starts craving more- like actual dates, physical presence, or emotional commitment- while the other is content with just texting. Textationships can sometimes serve a purpose, like filling a temporary void or offering a low-stakes connection, but they often leave people feeling unfulfilled and questioning if the other person ever intended for it to become something more.
How long does a situationship usually last?
A situationship can last anywhere from a few weeks to several months or even years in some cases. Unlike traditional relationships, situationships do not follow a clear timeline or progression. In the beginning, usually within the first one to three months, things might feel exciting and carefree. There is attraction, fun conversations, maybe even intimacy, but no pressure to define anything. This stage can feel refreshing, especially for people who are not ready for commitment. However, as time goes on and emotional investment grows, the lack of clarity starts to feel less freeing and more frustrating.
Between three to six months is when most people begin to question where things are going. You might be acting like a couple- spending weekends together, texting daily, even meeting friends- but still have not had a serious conversation about labels or commitment. If that talk keeps getting avoided, it is a sign the connection may be stuck in limbo.
When a situationship stretches beyond six months, it is often because one or both people are avoiding deeper emotional responsibility, or they are comfortable with the low-maintenance nature of the connection- even if it is not truly fulfilling. These long-term situationships can create emotional fatigue, especially if one person is holding out hope that things will “naturally” evolve into a real relationship. Without mutual communication and clear intentions, a situationship can linger far longer than it should, leaving you stuck in a cycle that goes nowhere. For help, read our blog “4 Communication Tips Couples Need to Know.”
Do situationships ever turn into relationships?
At the start of a situationship, both people may enjoy the casual nature of the connection and avoid the pressures of defining it. But over time, as emotional investment grows, one or both individuals might start desiring more clarity or commitment.
If both parties are on the same page and open to the idea of transitioning into a formal relationship, a situationship can evolve. This shift often happens after having an honest conversation about feelings, expectations, and what each person wants moving forward. If both individuals are ready to make a commitment, they may begin to establish clearer boundaries, discuss exclusivity, and start building a deeper connection that leads to a more defined relationship. For support, our blog “How to Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships” is a must-read.
However, this transition is not always guaranteed. Sometimes, one person may be content with the status quo, afraid of commitment, or unsure about taking things to the next level. Read our blog “How to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment.” In those cases, the situationship may remain stagnant, causing frustration for the person seeking more.
If you are looking to move a situationship into a more committed relationship, it is important to approach the conversation thoughtfully and with clear communication.
Here are some helpful guidelines to navigate this conversation:
Before having the conversation, take time to reflect on your own feelings. Do you want a committed relationship? Are you ready for that level of intimacy and connection?
When you start the conversation, express how you feel and what you are looking for. Let them know you value your connection and would like to take it to the next level, if they feel the same way.
This conversation requires attention and focus, so make sure both of you are in a good place emotionally. Choose a time when you can talk without distractions or interruptions.
Instead of saying things like, “You have never committed,” frame it as, “I have been feeling uncertain about where we stand, and I would like to know your thoughts about moving forward.”
They may be ready for a committed relationship, or they may not feel the same way. Be ready to listen, understand, and respect their viewpoint, even if it is not what you were hoping for.
Make sure both of you are on the same page about what being in a relationship means. Does it involve exclusivity? How will you define the relationship moving forward?
If they are open to moving the relationship forward, it is important to evaluate whether both of you are genuinely ready and willing to put in the effort to make it work.
If they are not ready or do not want the same things, it might be time to reassess whether this situationship is fulfilling your needs or if it is better to move on.
Communication is key; if there is a lack of it or differing desires, the situationship could end or continue indefinitely without ever becoming a full-fledged relationship.
Why is a situationship toxic?
A situationship can be toxic, but it is only toxic if you want more and are going against your own needs or desires in order to maintain the connection. When you find yourself emotionally invested but the relationship remains undefined and stagnant, it can lead to confusion, frustration, and disappointment.
If you are seeking commitment, clarity, or deeper connection, but your partner is not willing or able to provide that, you are essentially compromising your own emotional well-being to keep the relationship going. In this case, the situationship becomes toxic because you are not honoring your own needs for respect, consistency, and mutual effort.
The toxicity often stems from the internal conflict you experience when you are constantly trying to adapt to someone else’s pace or preferences while neglecting your own desires. You might settle for inconsistency, avoid setting boundaries, or suppress your emotions just to maintain the connection. To learn more, check out our blog “The Psychology of Situationships: Are They Toxic?”.
Over time, this erodes self-worth, leaving you feeling anxious, unfulfilled, or unsure of where you stand. A situationship only becomes truly toxic when you keep investing in it, even though it does not align with your emotional needs or goals, making you feel stuck and emotionally drained.
A situationship can lower self-confidence for several reasons, including:
Uncertainty
Emotional investment with no guarantee
Rejection or inconsistent communication (Read our blog “5 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection”)
Fear of being replaced
Validation and external approval
Internalizing the ambiguity
For support, read our blog “The Ultimate Guide to Building Self-Confidence.”
If you are navigating the transition from a situationship to a committed relationship and want support, working with a relationship therapist at Anchor Therapy can provide valuable guidance. Our experienced therapists help individuals and couples communicate more effectively, clarify emotional needs, and build healthier, more secure connections. Whether you are seeking clarity or tools to deepen your relationship, Anchor Therapy offers a supportive space to grow with confidence!
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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