Positive parenting can go a long way in building an emotionally healthy life for your child. Your parenting style can impact very important aspects of your child’s life, from their self-esteem to their ability to succeed in a scholastic environment. The way you interact with your child and discipline your child will have an influence on them for the rest of their lives!
Oftentimes, many parents want to know what parenting style they are using and which is the best parenting style overall. In all honesty, there is no one “right” way to parent- there is no universal code that all families should know. Deciding how to raise a child is a concern that all parents grapple with at one point or another. Whether you are raising a child all on your own or with the help of a significant other, many parents just want the best for their kid which can trigger a lot of anxiety over which parenting style to choose. Parenting styles can vary from person-to-person but researchers have narrowed parenting styles down into four distinct categories generally speaking.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is a parenting style?
Parenting styles are psychological concepts. It refers to the overall approach or strategy you can take as a parent when it comes to raising your child.
What are some components of a parenting style?
The emotional climate provided
Discipline methods
The level of support, warmth, and control that a parent shows their child
Looking at the research and history of parenting styles, in the 1960s, psychologist Dr. Diana Baumrind pinpointed three parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. In the 1980s, Stanford University researchers, Dr. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin, added a fourth parenting style: neglectful.
Parenting styles can impact a child’s development, behavior, mental health, and relationships well into adulthood. These factors can also vary depending on one’s culture, personal experiences, and family values.
What are the four parenting styles?
The four main parenting styles- authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful (or uninvolved)- each represent a distinct approach to raising children. They are each defined by different levels of warmth, communication, and control.
Authoritative parenting
is widely considered the most balanced and effective style. In fact, it is the style that child researchers most recommend that parents adopt. Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. They set clear rules and expectations, but they also explain the reasons behind them and are open to their child’s input. Authoritative parents provide structure while encouraging independence, often using reasoning and positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Their warmth and support help children feel secure, fostering high self-esteem, strong social skills, and academic success. Children raised with authoritative parenting tend to be more responsible, emotionally regulated, and capable of handling challenges!
What are some characteristics of an authoritative parent?
High responsiveness
High expectations
Open communication
Consistent discipline
Support for independence
Respect for their child’s opinions
Modeling appropriate behavior
Focus on long-term development (e.g., the long-term development of self-discipline, emotional intelligence, and strong moral values)
2. Authoritarian parenting
on the other hand, is high in control but low in warmth. These parents emphasize obedience, discipline, and order, often relying on punishment rather than discussion. Rules are enforced rigidly, with little room for flexibility or feedback from the child. Emotional expression is often discouraged, and love may feel conditional on behavior. As a result, children of authoritarian parents may become obedient and proficient in following rules, but they may also struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, social difficulties, and a lack of autonomy. They may rebel in adolescence or have trouble making independent decisions.
What are some characteristics of an authoritarian parent?
High control, low warmth
Strict rules and expectations
Little room for dialogue
Punitive discipline
High expectations for obedience and performance
Low autonomy for children
Enforcement over connection
Emphasis on respect for authority
3. Permissive parenting
is characterized by high warmth and low discipline. Permissive parents are affectionate and communicative, often striving to be more of a friend than a traditional authority figure. They tend to avoid setting boundaries, and when rules do exist, they are inconsistently enforced. While children of permissive parents often feel loved and valued, they may lack self-discipline, struggle with authority, and have difficulty managing frustration or delaying gratification. These children may exhibit impulsive behavior, poor academic performance, and difficulty in structured environments. To learn more about setting boundaries, check out our blog “6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Enforce Them.”
What are some characteristics of a permissive parent?
High warmth, low discipline
Few rules and expectations
Lenient and indulgent
Avoidance of confrontation
Child-centered approach
Encouragement of expression without limits
Inconsistent or absent consequences
Desire to be seen as a friend
4. Neglectful (or uninvolved) parenting
is marked by low responsiveness and low demands. These parents may be physically present but emotionally distant, providing little guidance, attention, or structure. In extreme cases, this style can verge on neglect. Parents might be overwhelmed with their own problems or unaware of their child’s needs. As a result, children raised in neglectful environments often feel unimportant and may develop issues with attachment, trust, and self-worth. They are more likely to experience academic difficulties, behavioral problems, and emotional disorders, and they may seek validation or structure elsewhere in unhealthy ways.
What are some characteristics of a neglectful parent?
Low emotional involvement
Minimal supervision or guidance
Unaware of the child’s needs or activities
Lack of support for development
Inconsistent or absent parenting
Basic needs may be overlooked
Indifference to behavior
Detached relationship
Each of these styles can have long-term impacts on a child's development, and many parents may shift between styles depending on the situation. However, research consistently supports the authoritative style as the most beneficial for healthy, balanced development.
What is the healthiest parenting style?
Decades of research in developmental psychology have proven that the authoritative parenting style is the healthiest parenting style. Generally, it is considered the healthiest parenting style because it combines high responsiveness, also known as warmth and support, with high demandingness, also known as clear expectations and consistent discipline. With this combination, authoritative parents are able to create a secure, respectful, and nurturing environment for their children while also promoting independence, responsibility, and strong-decision making skills.
Why is authoritative parenting the most effective parenting style?
Emotional Support:
Authoritative parents are emotionally available and empathetic. This helps children feel loved, understood, and valued, which supports healthy self-esteem and emotional regulation. Check out our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”.
Clear Boundaries:
They set firm but reasonable rules and expectations, helping children understand structure, consequences, and self-discipline.
Open Communication:
These parents encourage dialogue, listen to their child’s thoughts and feelings, and involve them in decision-making. This improves trust and problem-solving skills.
Encouragement of Independence:
Authoritative parents allow children to make choices appropriate to their age, fostering confidence, autonomy, and responsibility.
Consistent, Fair Discipline:
Discipline is constructive rather than punitive. It focuses on teaching rather than punishing, using natural consequences, reasoning, and reinforcement of positive behavior.
Better Outcomes for Children:
Research shows that children raised with authoritative parenting tend to:
Have higher academic performance
Exhibit better social skills
Show more emotional resilience
Display lower levels of anxiety and depression
Be more self-reliant and responsible
In contrast, other parenting styles- authoritarian (strict with little warmth), permissive (warm with little discipline), and neglectful (low in both warmth and control)- are linked to less favorable outcomes in areas like behavior, self-esteem, and mental health.
Overall, authoritative parenting provides a strong foundation for healthy development, preparing children to become confident, capable, and compassionate adults!
What parenting style is gentle parenting?
In recent years, gentle parenting has become a new trend in the world of parenting styles. The idea behind gentle parenting is to raise happy and confident children through empathy, respect, understanding, and setting healthy boundaries. Gentle parenting has a specific focus on age-appropriate development.
Traditional parenting styles are often broken down into reward and punishment. If your child does something good, you reward them with a treat, fun experience, and positive feedback. On the other hand, if your child does something bad, you may put them in timeout or temporarily take away something they cherish, such as an iPad or tablet. Instead of this focus on reward and punishment, a parent with a gentle parenting style tries to improve their child’s self-awareness and understanding of their own behavior. In this way, a parent takes on the role of a coach rather than a punisher.
Gentle parenting is all about the pause. Instead of reacting to your child’s behavior right away, you pause to reflect. Instead of reacting to poor behavior, such as temper tantrums, through scolding or yelling, a gentle parenting approach encourages the parent to try to get their kid to understand what is happening.
Generally speaking, gentle parenting requires two things: your child needs to possess a certain level of self-awareness to process their emotions and behaviors, and you have to have a high level of patience as the parent to understand your child and get to know them on a deep level.
Gentle parenting is not its own distinct parenting style, but it most closely aligns with the authoritative parenting style although it has a stronger emphasis on empathy, respect, and emotional connection. Authoritative parenting does a good job at balancing warmth and structure; however, gentle parenting leans deeply into emotional understanding and guidance. Gentle parenting minimizes traditional tactics of discipline in favor of communication and collaboration.
What are key components of gentle parenting?
Respectful communication
No punishments or rewards
Emphasis on empathy and connection
Boundaries with compassion
Modeling behavior
Focus on long-term growth (e.g., the focus is not on short-term obedience- rather it is on raising emotionally intelligent, self-regulated, and compassionate children)
What are the pros of gentle parenting?
Builds strong emotional bonds
Encourages emotional intelligence
Teaches respect through modeling
Promotes intrinsic motivation
Supports long-term development
Reduces fear and anxiety (Check out our blog “How to Parent Anxious Children in Hoboken, NJ”)
Encourages problem-solving and cooperation
What are the cons of gentle parenting?
Time-intensive
Emotionally demanding
Misunderstood as permissive
Slow results
Social pressure or criticism
Requires consistency and emotional regulation (To learn more, read our blog “How to Regulate Your Emotions”)
May be challenging with multiple children or special needs
What is the 777 rule for parenting?
The "777 rule" for parenting is a modern, informal guideline that suggests how to balance intentional time with children across different intervals- daily, weekly, and monthly- to foster stronger family relationships. It is important to remember that it is not a formal psychological theory, but more of a practical framework that has been shared by parenting coaches, influencers, and family counselors.
The first pillar of the 777 rule is seven minutes of quality time one-on-one every day. The goal is to spend seven uninterrupted minutes with each child daily. This could simply be playing a quick game, asking your child about their day, reading together, or cuddling before bed. This time is not for multitasking. Instead, it is all about intentional connection.
The second pillar of the 777 rule is to have a slightly longer, more meaningful activity with your child once a week. Perhaps you decide to go on a walk outside together, bake a sweet treat, go to the park, or have a movie night! Whatever task you and your child decide to do, it is a focused, distraction-free time with your child where you are engaging in an activity that they deeply enjoy.
The third pillar of the 777 rule is to do one overnight or day-long outing every seven weeks. Every couple of months, you can plan a more extended, memorable experience to help deepen your relationship with your child and create long-lasting memories. This could be taking a mini trip somewhere, going to the museum, camping out in nature, or another special adventure.
What is the purpose of the 777 rule for parenting?
Helps children feel seen, valued, and heard
Strengthens parent-child connection
Builds trust and emotional safety
Encourages consistent, intentional parenting even when one’s schedule is busy
Understanding parenting styles is essential to fostering healthy, respectful, and supportive relationships with your children. Each style has its strengths and challenges, and no parent is perfect all the time. What matters most is being intentional, reflective, and open to growth. If you are unsure which style you lean toward or want to better align your approach with your values and your child's needs, working with a family therapist at Anchor Therapy can be incredibly helpful. A parenting coach can help you fine-tune your parenting style, navigate difficult behaviors, and develop personalized strategies to meet your parenting goals while strengthening your family dynamic.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR TO ASSIST YOU IN MAKING POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE, CONTACT US
WORKING WITH US IS EASY
Fill out the contact form below.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in what you're seeking help with and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
