As the 2023 year progressed, Americans witnessed a cooling of the job market which, in turn, caused the self-confidence levels of workers to decrease. High interest rates, inflation, and general financial stress has caused anxiety amongst everyone, including those who are in the process of a job transition.
Whether you have been laid off, downsized, or forced to take an early retirement, losing employment is one of life’s most stressful occurrences. If you recently lost your job, you are not alone. Besides the obvious financial ramifications of losing your job, it can also have a negative impact on your mood, relationships, friendships, and overall mental and emotional health. The lack of clarity you feel when you lose your job is strong but, luckily, there are things you can do to make yourself feel better.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Is it normal for work to be your identity?
As a teen, you worked hard in high school to get accepted and, ultimately attend, a prestigious university. You graduate from college top of your class and accept a job at your dream institution. You put it in the hard work and you should be proud of all of your accomplishments! There is nothing wrong about feeling passionate about your work or strongly identifying with your profession; however, the issue comes into play when your profession becomes your entire identity.
Your profession is not your personality. Reducing yourself to a job or your performance at work can be damaging in both the short and long-term. In modern day work culture, working long hours and centering your life around work yields prestige and promotions, but it does not promote a healthy emotional system.
Many people with high-pressured careers may find themselves unfulfilled with working nonstop despite this work leading them to their current success. Hating your job is one thing but, when all you do is work and you hate your job, does it also mean that you hate yourself? When you lose your job, do you lose who you are as a person?
It can become easy to lose your true self in your job title or corporate responsibilities. Oftentimes, our jobs are way more than just how we make a living. They give us purpose in a fast-paced world- a reason to leave the house each weekday and a reason to be committed to a mission. A job can influence how you see yourself and how you view the people around you. Even if you do not absolutely love your job, it offers socialization, structure, and meaning.
When you find yourself out of work, you may experience:
Anxiety (For more information, take our Anxiety Quiz)
Anger (Check out our blog “The Most Important Things You Need To Know About Anger Management”)
Hurt
Depressed (For more information, take our Depression Quiz)
Questioning of your identity
Grief (Read our blog “How to Know When To Seek Grief Therapy & Learn All About The New Grief Diagnosis”)
To refocus your energy and figure out your identity, it is best to look beyond your career.
If you find that your work and identity are too intertwined, ask yourself the following questions:
How much do you think about your professional duties outside of the office?
Is your mind frequently consumed with work-related thoughts?
If someone asked you to describe yourself, what would you say?
Where do you spend most of your time?
If you had a free day, what would you choose to do?
Do you have hobbies outside of your work that do not directly involve your work-related skills?
How does it feel to not be working?
Job Trends and Job Loss in 2023
In a post-pandemic world, many hoped that 2023 would bring the growth and optimism of pre-COVID 19 United States, but the job market proved otherwise. High-prestige fields, like tech and pharmaceutical companies, laid off a record number of workers this past year in 2023. From Google to Microsoft, over 100,000 workers were fired in rounds of layoffs according to CNBC.
Some people found employment right after being laid-off while it took other months to find new employment. Some workers are still searching for their next professional opportunity.
Experiencing Grief After A Job Loss
Believe it or not, grief is not just a response to the death of a loved one. You can also experience grief after a major life transition or traumatic situation, such as abruptly losing a job. Allow yourself to grieve your previous life and the life you imagined. You had a vision conjured in your head of what your life would look like with your previous job and, now, that has changed. And, at some point, everything will feel okay again but, for now, it is okay to lean into your discomfort, grief, and sadness.
You just experienced the loss of your job, the loss of your income, the loss of a structured routine, and the loss of daily socialization amongst other things. These changes can be difficult to face.
Being out of work means experiencing the following losses:
A feeling of control over your life
Your professional identity
A daily routine
Your self-esteem (Read our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”)
Your self-confidence (For help, our blog “The Ultimate Guide to Building Self-Confidence” is a must-read)
Purposeful actions
Friendships and a daily social network
A sense of financial security (e.g., for you, your family, your children, etc.)
There is no straightforward path of the grieving process. There are both healthy and unhealthy ways to grieve the loss of a job. Negative habits, like using alcohol as an escape or binging non nutritious foods, may feel good in the moment, but can cause larger problems down the road which make you feel worse about yourself. When you acknowledge your feelings and challenge your negative thoughts, it will lead to the enhancing of emotional health.
Here are some ways you can deal with your job loss in an effective manner:
Give yourself grace to adjust:
Getting used to a new daily schedule and adjusting to unemployment takes time and patience. You will not feel comfortable with such a large change automatically. Change is uncomfortable and our brains are taught to dislike change. Go easy on yourself. If you are feeling distressed or upset, do not bottle those emotions up. Feel your feelings and know that they are not permanent.
Accept your new reality:
There is a way to avoid wallowing while acknowledging the hardships of unemployment. Instead of obsessing over your job loss, the ways you could have prevented it, or what your life would be like if you did not lose your job, try to accept your situation. The sooner you accept your reality, the sooner you will be able to move onto the next step in your life, whether that be working with a career counselor or starting the job search process.
Journal about your feelings:
Journaling can help you express your emotions. You could include how you felt immediately after being laid off versus a week after the layoff. You can even include things you wish you would have said to your boss. If your layoff was dealt with in an insensitive way, this can be especially therapeutic.
Think of your job loss as a temporary setback instead of a permanent situation:
In the moment, it is easy to feel like the whole world is ending. If you look at every successful person, you will notice that each and every one of them experienced a setback in life. After experiencing this obstacle, they picked themselves up and turned things around. Believe it or not, you will do the same thing too! You will learn from your experience and start again. Just because your Plan A did not work out, it does not mean that your Plan B will automatically lead you to a bad or negative life.
Avoid beating yourself up:
When you are unemployed, it is easy to blame yourself. While it is difficult, try to not put yourself down. To find a new job, your self-confidence needs to be intact. Try to replace every negative thought you have with a more realistic thought rooted in reality. For example, if you think “I am unsuccessful”, you can instead think “I lost my job because of company-wide layoffs, not because I am bad at my job.”
If there is a silver lining, acknowledge it:
When something bad happens in your life, it is easy to focus on that bad thing and begin pinpointing all of the bad things in your life. While it may be hard, ponder on your experience and see if there is anything you can learn from this transition. Maybe you were a self-described “workaholic” and this transition gives you the chance to rethink your life priorities and career. Perhaps you have been looking to change career paths and, now, the opportunity finally presented itself. If you examine your situation hard enough, you may be able to find something of value.
Attending grief counseling can be a great way to recover both emotionally and mentally after the loss of your job. For more information on the topic, check out our blog “What to Expect in Grief Counseling.”
A grief therapist will assist you in the following ways post-job loss:
Acknowledging and validating your feelings
Exploring your identity and self-worth
Navigating change and an uncertain future
Developing healthy coping strategies
Building an unbiased support system
Addressing practical concerns (e.g., finances, job search strategies)
Encouraging self-care (Read our blog “The 8 Forms of Self-Care & How You Can Practice Them” for some guidance)
Setting realistic expectations
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can offer a new outlook on coping with job loss.
In ACT therapy, grief is seen as a normal human feeling and, in order to heal, you need to acknowledge the existence of these feelings and accept them. Instead of trying to control your situation, you will simply come to accept it. This can look like recognizing your discomfort and hurt and feeling your feelings with zero judgment attached.
In ACT counseling, you will learn how to maintain a relationship to your values and goals while experiencing your grief. Even in the face of loss, your ACT therapist will recommend that you set goals that are in alignment with your values. When you are experiencing loss, it can be easy to act out of accordance with your true values and beliefs. By remaining aligned with your sense of meaning, you will add purpose back into your daily life, aiding in the job loss you are experiencing.
What can I do for myself during a job search?
When you are searching for a job, you want to bring your true self to the table. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. For example, if a major value at the company you are interviewing with goes against your own moral compass, it may not be worth it to trade in your morals. When you understand your passions, interests, and career goals, you can gain career satisfaction throughout your job search.
For a successful job search to take place, you must be willing to reflect on yourself.
You can ask yourself the following questions to personally reflect:
What impact am I hoping to make on the world?
What tasks do I love to do? What tasks do I dislike doing?
How do I want my boss and coworkers to describe me?
How do I define success?
What values do I want a company that I work for to have?
Protecting your mental health during a job search is not always easy. Interviewing with various companies and experiencing rejection repeatedly can take a serious toll on your mental health; however, a career counselor is there to help!
At Anchor Therapy, we have career therapists who can help you feel like your best self again. We offer in-person sessions in Hoboken, NJ and telehealth sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
A work therapist can be a valuable part of your job search by giving you the guidance and support you need.
Career counseling can assist you in the following ways:
Job search strategies
Interview preparation
Self-discovery
Networking guidance
Skill development
Negotiation strategies
Coping with job rejections
Career transition support
Long-term career planning
When you are trying to figure out your new normal, a career counselor is there to help. Maybe you are struggling with creating a new daily schedule. Instead of over-focusing on finding a new job and job hunting 24/7, you can treat it like a full-time job. You search for jobs during the weekdays, taking a break for lunch each day and leave the weekends for yourself.
On the other hand, maybe you are struggling with rejection even though it is a normal part of the job search process. A career therapist will offer you support and strategies for managing rejection which will allow you to maintain a positive mindset throughout the course of your search.
For more information, read our blog “Career Counseling: Protect Your Mental Health During A Job Change.”
Overall, losing your job is a normal part of life although it is an understandably uncomfortable and scary time. Luckily, a career counselor can provide you with structure and support during an unstable time in your life, like finding a new job. When you feel emotionally and mentally fulfilled, you enhance your chance of finding a satisfying, fulfilling job.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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