The process of building a habit, also referred to as habit formation, is a journey where our behaviors become automatic. Habits can be formed consciously or unconsciously. For example, think of when you first wake up in the morning and you go to reach for your phone- this is likely an unconscious habit. On the other hand, your habit of going for a walk every day is a conscious choice you make.
Habits can be created or erased to suit your needs and, ultimately, to help you reach your goals. Habits play an extremely important role in your health and well-being. Staying consistent and committed will help you form new habits regardless of how long the journey itself might take you!
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Defining a ‘Habit’: How It Differs From A Routine
Habits are frequent behaviors that are employed on a repeated basis. If you have been successful in forming a habit, it is something you just do automatically with little to no thought.
Here are some daily habits you may have in your life that you do not even recognize:
Working out (Read our blog “5 Ways Exercise Benefits Your Mental Health”)
Meditating (Check out our blog “How Meditation Can Lead To Stress Reduction”)
Reading
Maintaining relationships
Journaling
Getting adequate sleep (Our blog by our psychotherapist Rebecca Bischoff, LCSW “Unlocking the Secrets of Quality Sleep: A Therapist’s Perspective on Sleep Hygiene and Insomnia” is a must-read)
Going on social media (Check out our blog “Do I Have A Social Media Addiction?”)
Driving to work (If you struggle with road rage, read our blog “7 Ways An Anger Management Therapist Can Help You Control Your Road Rage”)
Habits can actually be triggered by context clues. For example, as soon as you walk into the gym (the contextual clue), you scan your membership ID (the habit). Through repetition and practice, this is something you have picked up on automatically.
Our daily life is filled with habits, such as brushing your teeth. Like everything, some habits can be helpful, like buckling your seatbelt as soon as you get into the car, and other habits can be rather unhealthy and/or harmful, like procrastination.
Habits can yield a positive or detrimental force over your life. While some habits can be difficult to break and some habits can be difficult to stick, it is possible.
Oftentimes, it may be easy to confuse a habit and routine. After all, they are things we do on a daily basis, right? Well, yes and no.
A habit is something that is done with little or no thought behind it. Contrastingly, a routine is something you craft. It is a series of behaviors that you repeat frequently and purposefully. You can think of a routine as a stepping stone to something becoming a habit. A behavior has to be performed time and time again and, then, it will eventually become a habit.
Many people want a habit to be formed overnight, but that is just simply not the case. You need to go through the routine phase in order to reach the top of the pyramid- your habit. Research has shown that it can take 18 to 254 days to form a new habit. For a habit to become truly automatic, it is estimated to take 66 days.
How Do We Form Habits?
As you navigate the world through childhood, teenhood, and eventually adulthood, you are constantly forming new habits to adapt to your environment. For instance, as a child, your parents may have instilled a habit in you to eat a balanced and nutritious diet- something that has helped you maintain healthy eating habits throughout your entire life.
The automatic nature of habits help us get our needs met efficiently in daily life. Habits become a part of us, but what happens when a habit is causing more problems than it is fixing? It can be difficult to break. Understanding how habits are formed is helpful because it will help you if you are looking to deconstruct and replace one.
Learning and repetition are two crucial elements for building a habit. A habit is often formed when you are on the journey of pursuing your goal(s)- driving to work or eating a meal when you are hungry. Certain cues and behavioral responses help you meet your goal, like turning on certain streets to get to work or sitting down at the dinner table to eat your meal. Thoughts of the behavior and the behavior are prompted by these contextual cues.
The formation and existence of a habit involves a habit loop. A habit loop is several elements that create habits.
The three elements of a habit loop include:
The cue (or trigger)
The routine (or behavior)
The reward
Let us take the unhealthy habit of smoking for example. You are at work and you have a major project coming up that is causing a lot of stress. Stress could be the cue that causes you to smoke, the behavior. Then, comes your reward- a temporary decrease in stress. For support, check out our blog “Everything You Need to Know About Stress Management Therapy.”
What is the Timeline for Forming New Habits?
If you are consistent with performing your goal behavior over a given period of time, habit formation increases over three months according to research. There are individual differences within a person that dictate how fast or how slow a given person adopts a habit.
Here are some factors that can impact the length of time habit formation takes for you:
Your personality - Certain personality traits may make it easier for you to form a new habit than others. Tendencies you have can make it simple to learn and adopt new behaviors. For example, if you are a highly-organized person who likes to plan in advance, eating more mindfully and planning your meals in advance may come rather naturally to you.
Your circumstances - Sometimes stressful life transitions can get in the way. Life happens. Think about when you are in the middle of moving across the country, is it going to be easy to form a new habit then? Your current lifestyle and circumstances can have a great impact on how long it takes you to build a habit. If you have little free time, trying to create a habit of working out a few times a week is a large goal to reach and may be more difficult compared to someone who has more time on their hands.
The desired behavior - Habits are complex and some are inherently more hard to adopt than other ones. If a behavior is ‘easier’, you may be able to form that habit more quickly than another one. If a behavior is complex, it will take longer to form the habit. For instance, drinking more water every day may be an easier habit to create than carving out time in your schedule to meditate every day.
How Can I Stop Myself from Engaging in a Bad Habit?
Stopping a bad habit can be challenging, but there are some steps you can take to identify and change your behavior.
Since habits are automatic behaviors, you may not even realize when you are engaging in this unhealthy behavior. The first thing to do is identify your triggers. What situations, thoughts, or feelings are leading you to your bad habit?
The best way to erase a bad habit is to replace it with a more positive one. If you tend to rely on food to give you emotional comfort during times of stress, you may want to replace it with a healthier alternative, such as phoning a friend or practicing mindfulness. For support, check out our recent blog “Cultivating Good Mental Health for Intuitive Eating.”
Having clear and realistic goals related to your bad habit is helpful. There is power in setting goals for yourself and celebrating your achievements once you reach those goals.
It is important to be surrounded by people who want the best for you at all times and especially when you are trying to make positive changes in your life. Having a supportive environment is crucial, from a licensed therapist to a good friend.
Mindfulness is a great way to tune into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with zero judgment attached. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of your habits which gives you the knowledge to make the conscious decision to change them.
Lastly, be patient and consistent. Both breaking and creating habits takes time. Stay committed to your goal even if you face a few obstacles along the journey to the destination of your desired habit.
A How-To Guide for Forming New Habits
When it comes to forming new habits, drastic changes are not realistic. But, every day you have the chance to make yourself better and that is a beautiful opportunity!
Instead of worrying about the big picture, take it day by day to reach your ultimate goal. Small, realistic changes are sustainable ones that will eventually become second-nature to you and lead you to your goal. With the right approach, you can form new, healthy habits that best serve you.
Get Clear on Your Goals
First things first, set your intention. What do you want to achieve? Do not be afraid to be specific.
Your goals should follow the format of SMART:
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time-bound
Pick your behavior wisely and remember that patience and self-discipline will get you far.
2. Get to the Root Issue
Forming a new habit to cover up your former, bad habit is like putting a bandaid on the situation. It is superficial and, likely, your root cause issue will rear its head in another way if you do not deal with it.
Maybe you discover that your high stress job of being a lawyer is causing you to turn to alcohol to ease your stress and anxiety. What you need instead of alcohol is healthy coping skills. By understanding that a lack of healthy coping mechanisms is driving your alcohol use, you can find better ways to self-sooth through self-care and meditation for instance.
3. Building Motivation
You have probably heard the saying before that motivation will not always be there which is why you must form routines and eventual habits. This is very true and breeds the reason why you may want to learn how to build intrinsic motivation- doing an activity for the sake of the activity itself and not because of the benefits it may bring you.
You make a choice to act in a certain manner every single day and you have the freedom to choose how you would like your life to be. By engaging in healthy, helpful behaviors, it will make you a better person in the long-run.
Even if you experience setbacks, staying positive and being kind to yourself is crucial. Even bad times are part of the journey too. Focus on your progress and keep your eyes focused on the bright future for you ahead!
4. See A Behavioral Therapist
A behavioral counselor can assist you in forming new habits.
A therapist at Anchor Therapy can help you pinpoint patterns of behavior that add to the habits you are looking to change. They will work alongside you so you understand the underlying reasons for your unhealthy habits.
Sometimes, you may want to get ahead of yourself or even set yourself up for self-sabotage by creating an unrealistic goal. A therapist will help keep you grounded while setting realistic, achievable goals related to forming new habits. In therapy for habit formation, you will even break down your goals into manageable steps and create an action plan to work towards them.
Developing practical strategies and techniques will help you fulfill your action plan so you can adopt your new habit successfully. A therapist may use cognitive-behavioral tactics, mindfulness exercises, or behavior modification practices.
Barriers are a normal part of any journey to growth and positive change. Identifying and addressing your obstacles head-on will only benefit you in the long-run.
Some common barriers to habit formation include:
Limiting beliefs
Fear or resistance
Negative self-talk (Read our blog “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Negative Self-Talk” for support)
Finding different solutions to the challenge
A CBT therapist is a great source of accountability and support. At Anchor Therapy, our mental health counselor offers supportive, non-judgmental care in-person and online to openly discuss your progress and setbacks. They hold you accountable to your goal while showcasing compassion.
Just as our counselor shows compassion towards you, the goal is for you to show compassion to yourself as well. Forming new habits can be tough at times, but so are you! Your therapist should encourage you to be kind to yourself and learn from your setbacks, so you give yourself the freedom to celebrate your accomplishments.
Working with a therapist for habit formation offers the following benefits:
Accountability
Identifying triggers
Customized strategies
Behavioral techniques
Motivation and support
Addressing connected mental health issues
Overall, breaking and forming new habits can be difficult, but you are not alone in this journey. Working with a licensed therapist for habit formation can help you reach your goals in a structured manner. Feel proud as you take the next step towards a happier, healthier you!
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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