Does your teen blow up at any mention of rules and structure? Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells in your own home? If this resonates with you, you are not alone. The teenage years can be turbulent times. Your teen is going through a lot, trying to figure out their place in the world and what their next steps are as they transition into adulthood.
It is typical for teens to desire more freedom as they get older. You may find that your teen is pushing boundaries which is normal but, in some cases, it can spiral out of control. Anger itself is not a problem as anger is a normal emotion. Instead, your teen may not be able to manage their emotions, including anger, well which is an issue.
Anger can build up over time if someone is passive or does not establish clear boundaries. This may lead to your teen going from 0 to 100 and lashing out on you and other family members. How people react with anger can reveal a lot about their emotional well-being.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, Florida, North Carolina, and Utah.
Anger in Teens Explained
When you see that your child or teen is angry, it can be upsetting. If their anger is left untreated, it can cause negative long-term consequences; however, you may even be scared to bring this up to your child out of fear that they will become more enraged.
That is why it is important to be educated about your teen’s mental health. It is important to spot your child’s anger early on, but you may be confused over the root cause of their anger or triggering factors. This can even lead you to feeling frustrated since you do not understand what they are going through.
Several studies have shown that untreated anger can lead to anxiety and depression over time.
How is teen anger different from adult anger?
Anger is expressed differently depending on one’s age. Typically, older children, like teens, show their anger in more mature ways as a grown adult would, using their motor skills and language.
In order to help this, you and your teen’s anger management therapist must understand what is triggering your child’s anger and whether it is normal or “out of control.” Then, your teen can learn coping skills to avoid or calm down an episode of anger.
Your teen may have several potential anger triggers. It can be important to observe their behavior and see if it is correlated to a specific time period.
For instance, it can helpful to analyze their behavior during the following times:
When your teen comes home from school
When your teen is hungry or tired
When your teen has had a change in their daily routine
After your teen watches a certain TV show, movie, YouTube video, and other online content
What do anger management problems look like in teenagers?
Anger issues are unique, so they look different for each teen. Some teens simply have a more difficult time coping than others. When your teen is dealing with anger, it can be expressed in several ways.
The first form of anger expression in teens is internal anger expression.
Internal anger expression is associated with:
Poor self-esteem (If your teen is struggling with self-esteem, they can read our blog: “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”)
Negative self-talk (Read our blog “How to Handle Negative Self-Talk in Teens” for some support)
Fixed mindset - A fixed mindset refers to the belief that you believe your intelligence and talents are fixed. In other words, no matter how hard you try at something, you or your situation will never get better. On the other hand, a growth mindset refers to the belief that your talents can be grown over time
Depression (Check out our blog “3 Ways to Support Someone with Depression” if you need guidance on handling depression with your teen)
Internal anger expression is common amongst teens who avoid confrontations which allows the anger to build up over time. For instance, this could manifest in sarcastic or backhanded compliments. In other cases, your teen may also conveniently “forget” to do chores. This type of hidden aggression can become toxic in the home environment.
2. The second form of anger expression is external anger expression.
With external anger expressions, your teen may…
Yell and scream
Blame other people for their actions
Throw things
With external anger expression, your teen may become passive-aggressive.
External anger expression is much easier to spot in teens, and even adults, than internal anger expression. With internal anger expression, you may be questioning your instincts if your child is really dealing with anger issues or just the typical teenage angst. When you are able to visually spot anger, it can be easier to pull the trigger to seek external help, such as the help of an anger therapist for teens.
How a teen displays anger varies depending on the person. It is important to understand that anger typically is generally the effect of a deeper and more profound source of emotional distress. This is important since, addressing the deeper emotion, is what yields results and long-term change.
Why is my teen angry?
You may be doing everything you can to provide a great life for your teen. Your teen may be doing well in school, have a great group of friends, participate in sports and school clubs, yet they are still struggling with anger issues. It is important to remember that mental health issues do not discriminate.
Anger is a common reaction for teens when they do not know how to react or solve a problem. Teens often struggle with this more because they do not have the life experience or coping skills to know how to cope with big and uncomfortable emotions. Additionally, your teen may lack the awareness to identify when something is an issue.
As teens grow older, they begin to develop a healthy level of self-awareness. When your teen becomes self-aware, they know how to cultivate self-control when they are angry. Anger counseling for teens is important because it teaches your teen how to control their anger instead of letting their anger control them.
For teens who struggle with depression or have experienced a traumatic event, they are more likely to react to situations with anger. Also, numerous psychiatric disorders can lead to heightened levels of anger or anger outbursts in teens.
The psychiatric disorders that increase anger in teens includes:
Personality disorders
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (Read our blog “How Counseling Can Help You Break OCD Habits” for helpful insight)
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (Check out our past blog “Everything You Need To Know About CBT for PTSD”)
Substance abuse (Read our blog “5 Ways to Help Someone Battling Addiction & Substance Abuse Issues” for guidance)
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) (Read “Parenting a Child with ADHD” for help)
How do I know if my teen has anger management problems?
Anger management is a common issue for teens. The first step in recognizing that your teen’s anger is a problem.
There are several signs and symptoms to look for when trying to assess anger in your teenager. While they can vary according to the individual, it is important to identify the signs of a potential anger problem so you address and resolve it earlier rather than later down the line.
Here are some signs that your teen may have anger management problems:
Irritability
Dysregulated mood
Explosive or self-destructive tendencies
Explosive or self-destructive actions
Pacing
Aggressive posturing
Verbal outbursts
Physical acts of aggression
Disciplinary actions at school
School suspension
Underachievement in school
Isolation
Poor self-esteem
Loss in friendships and relationships
Passive aggressive behaviors
The above list of signs of teen anger management problems is not a comprehensive one, but it is a good starting point. Since each child is different, the anger management issues will be presented differently. It is important to be aware of the signs before it turns into a more serious issue or develops into a worse mental health problem.
Read our blog “When Is It Time to Seek Anger Management Therapy?” if you are concerned about your teen and debating whether or not to seek the help of a professional mental health counselor.
As a parent, how can I help my child’s anger management problems?
Parenting is a hard job and, in modern times, it has not gotten any easier. If anything, it has gotten harder with the introduction of new ways of life, such as smartphones and social media. On top of that, parenting can be even more difficult when your teen is struggling with anger.
When you come home after a hard day at work, the last thing you want to do is argue with your teen, but keeping your cool can be difficult. During these times, it is important to remember that parents can also make some mistakes when they communicate with their teen.
Here are some things you should not do when interacting with your angry teen:
Escalate the situation - When you get angry at your teen, it can unfortunately escalate the situation. Instead of viewing your interaction with your teen as a conversation that needs to be won, make the goal to connect with your child and help them explore their emotions.
Threaten consequences - When you threaten consequences during an argument, it will likely only make your teen get angrier. Consequences are an essential part of parenthood; however, they should be given in a calm environment where you can clearly state the consequence and how you came to that decision.
Getting the last word - When an argument brews, each person involved wants to come out on top. It is human nature to want to get the last word, but that does not lead to a mutual sense of understanding. On the other hand, it can perpetuate the issue.
Stick to the facts and present situation - When an argument arises, stick to the facts and the present situation. It can be tempting to bring up old occurrences but that does not serve you or your teen in the present moment. Try to remember that the goal of the conversation is to de-escalate your teen so a productive discussion can occur, leaving room for growth.
Avoiding these mistakes takes hard work, time, and patience. No one is perfect so, if you slip up from time-to-time, it is completely okay!
How can an anger management therapist for teens assist?
If your child or teen is struggling with anger management issues, the best next step for you to take is to meet with an anger management counselor if you cannot manage the situation effectively on your own.
Anger management counseling for teens is intended to help children overcome obstacles that are preventing them from:
Developing healthy relationships
Achieving successes at school
And general healthy social functioning
Together, your teen and their therapist for anger management will work to understand the root cause of your teen’s anger. Then, your teen anger therapist will effectively use the most current and scientifically-backed therapeutic techniques to tame your teen’s anger and irritability when it arises.
A common example of this is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, also known as CBT, which is an evidence-based psychological treatment. CBT is based on the premise that your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes impact your feelings and actions.
Therapy for teens with anger issues is tailored towards uncovering the inner conflicts, also known as the beliefs and emotions that can make your teen feel like they are in a state of emotional overload. Therapy sessions will help your teen learn proven techniques so they can manage their emotions in a productive manner, such as making behavioral changes and symptom management.
If you want to learn more about anger management therapy, read our previous blog “The Most Important Things You Need to Know about Anger Management Therapy.”
Overall, if your teen is struggling with managing their emotions, they are not alone. Many teenagers struggle with anger issues due to inexperience. Luckily, they can work with an anger therapist for teens to help manage their anger through healthy coping skills. Together, your teen and their therapist for anger management will get to the root cause of the emotions and work towards making your teen feel like their best self again. At Anchor Therapy, we have anger management therapists who can assist your teen and family.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Office Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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