Mental Illness is something that is still extremely stigmatized and misunderstood. This could be because people aren’t educated and aware of how certain mental disorders function. It’s understandable though, in the sense that it’s hard to understand mental illness when we may not experience it ourselves. Even though you may not be able to empathize with certain mental illnesses and disorders, you can still try your best to understand them. Awareness is extremely important!
Parents can already be hard to understand from the point of view of a child - even if you’re a teen or an adult. On top of that, parental mental illness can be incredibly challenging to navigate. Mental illness sometimes can get in the way of the proper parenting that a child needs - even if unintentionally. Connecting with a parent and trying to understand the hows and whys of their behavior can really make the home environment more comfortable.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Types of Mental Illnesses that a parent may have include:
Depression (Major Depressive Disorder)
Anxiety Disorders
Substance Use Disorders
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Grief
Bipolar Disorder
In this blog, you’re going to gain a better understanding and awareness of the listed mental illnesses and disorders and how they may affect a parent. Each section will give you examples of symptoms and signs and symptoms of each disorder mentioned. Then, you’ll get some tips on how to build a better relationship with your parent. These tips will give you the skills to learn how to live more comfortably with a parent with mental illness.
1. Understanding A Parent With Depression (Major Depressive Disorder)
Depression is something that frequently gets confused with “sadness”. Depression is much more than just the feeling of being sad, and can actually be a disorder in itself (Major Depressive Disorder). The symptoms of depression can vary from person to person. Some people with Major Depressive Disorder may go through cycles of depression where sometimes their symptoms are worse and more debilitating. For some, depression is always there, lingering, even if they would consider themselves to be a happier person. Symptoms of depression vary from person to person.
Some symptoms of depression may be identified as:
Depressed mood often
Less interest or pleasure doing normal activities once enjoyed
Significant weight loss (lack of appetite) or weight gain
A noticeable slowing down of everyday thoughts and behaviors
Fatigue
Feelings of worthlessness
Excessive feelings of guilt
Difficulty concentrating
Recurrent thoughts of death or wanting to harm yourself
If you are having suicidal thoughts or want to hurt yourself, call the free Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988
Ways To Support And Connect With A Parent With Depression
Depression can affect daily functioning negatively. Depression not only affects the individual who has it, but also the people around them indirectly. Since depression symptoms may come and go, it may be very confusing on how to approach your parent. When are they at a low mentally and emotionally? When is it appropriate to engage with them? It’s important to communicate with your parent and figure out how you can help them when they’re at a low. Depression doesn’t always have a reason, but discussing triggers and possible reasons can help you understand your parents better.
Depression can make a parent less likely to engage in daily tasks that they normally would do. Try to help or ask if your parent needs help with something. You can’t necessarily stop their depression, but you can help support them through their own coping process. Make sure that your parent is aware that you’re trying to understand them and that you’re there if they need you. Looking for more tips on how to support someone with depression? Check out our blog: “3 Ways To Support Someone With Depression.”
2. Understanding A Parent With An Anxiety Disorder
Anxiety is another illness that can generally affect each and every one of us at some point in our lives. However, it also varies on a case to case basis and for some can be a disorder.
There are many different types of anxiety disorders such as:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Social Anxiety Disorder
Selective Mutism
Panic Disorder
Agoraphobia
Illness Anxiety Disorder
Separation Anxiety
Specific Phobias
Anxiety and anxiety related disorders can affect someone’s daily life and disable them from doing things they’d normally do. Episodes of anxiety can be extremely exhausting and this lack of energy can show very easily. Generalized anxiety can not only lead to emotional and mental exhaustion, but it also can affect physical health.
Physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms of anxiety may include:
Difficulty concentrating
Anticipation of the worst possible outcome
Irrational fear, worry, and dread
Difficulty relaxing
Indecisiveness and self-doubt
Fatigue and/or exhaustion
Issues with sleep
Muscle tension and physical pain
Excessive sweating
Shaking or trembling
Nausea
Heart racing
Headaches
How to Support And Connect With A Parent With An Anxiety Disorder
Parents can be affected by different forms of anxiety and it can make it harder for them to perform everyday parental tasks. There is actually a form of anxiety called parental anxiety, where parents may feel anxious when it comes to their own children. Anxiety can be extremely debilitating, and episodes of extreme stress and anxiousness can last hours upon days. As the child, it can help to find out what triggers anxiety attacks and learn how to avoid certain triggers. Coping skills are important to develop for someone with anxiety, and the skills to support a parent with anxiety is important as well. Try to ask your parent why they are stressed and/or feeling anxious, and what you can do to help ease the tension. If you’re interested in how to manage stress, check out our blog: “Everything You Need To Know About Stress Management Therapy.”
If you’d like to read more about anxiety and it’s symptoms, check out these blogs:
3. Understanding A Parent With A Substance Use Disorder
Substance use disorders (SUDs) can be really tricky. You can’t just stop your loved one’s addiction. It’s not that easy. There is a large amount of stigma that surrounds substance use disorders. People with substance use disorders may choose to use the initial substance, but they don’t necessarily choose to become addicted. Sometimes, it’s even hard to tell if your loved one may actually have a SUD - they may not even realize it themself.
Signs and symptoms that may show that your parent has a substance use disorder include:
Uncontrollable cravings for a substance/addictive behavior
Wanting to stop, but having a hard time
Gaining tolerance and needing more of a substance to feel the same effects
Neglecting other parts of daily life because of the addiction
Continuing to use, even though it is negatively impacting your relationships and health
Developing withdrawal symptoms
Some people have more addictive tendencies than others and the probability for addiction can actually be genetic. Alcohol, drugs, and tobacco are things that we normally think of when it comes to addictive substances. However, people can even become addicted to things like caffeine, sugar, food, sleep, and other things not usually associated with addiction. It all depends on the person.
How To Help and Support A Parent With A Substance Use Disorder
If a substance use disorder gets really bad and debilitating, you may need to refer your parent to get the help they need. First, you may need to have that difficult conversation with your parent. You don’t have to do it alone - you can ask other family members/close friends of your parents to help you. Your parent will only seek help if they’re aware that they need it and if they really want it.
There are different services for addiction such as:
Rehabilitation Centers
Detox Centers
SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357)
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
Narcotics Anonymous (NA)
When going through recovery, it’s important to make your parent feel supported and unjudged.
There are also actually anonymous groups specifically for children of people with substance use disorders. Al-Anon Family Groups (Alateen) is an international organization specifically designed to help people affected by someone else’s alcohol addiction. If you feel alone or unsupported, anonymous groups are a great way to talk about your feelings with other like-minded people.
4. Understanding A Parent With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Obsessions are defined as repeated thoughts, urges, or mental images. Compulsions normally happen because of the need to stop discomfortability and obsessive recurrent thoughts. Like the other disorders mentioned, OCD can unfortunately be extremely debilitating. The severity of OCD can depend on the person. OCD can actually interact with other disorders as well. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can actually lead to significant mental and physical stress because you may feel like you can’t stop the compulsive behavior. The obsessive feelings related to OCD can interfere with daily life.
There’s no real “cure” for OCD, but the first step to developing coping skills is to identify that your parent may have OCD.
Some symptoms of OCD include:
Fear of contamination
Needing things to be orderly and symmetric
Excessive doubt when thinking about your life
Anxious feelings regarding uncertainty
Frequent and intense need for control
Unwanted intrusive thoughts
How To Support and Be There For A Parent With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Supporting a parent with OCD can be tricky, because it’s not something that you as the child can control. However, there are ways to support a parent with OCD. Make sure to communicate about what specific things may trigger their OCD. These things can even include behaviors that you do and things around the house. Communicating what these triggers may be may help you understand your parents behavior a bit more and may help you prevent flare ups. You can work together with your parent to help decrease their compulsions. Encourage your parent to find their own best ways to cope and help decrease their OCD. Little things like celebrating small steps and victories can help motivate your parent to overcome their compulsions.
5. Understanding A Parent Who Is Overwhelmed With Grief
Grief isn’t necessarily a disorder, but it can be associated with the other mental disorders that we’ve talked about in this blog. Substantial grief can lead to a deep depression and give someone significant stress. Grief isn’t forever, but it can be really hard to overcome. Grief within the family isn’t any easier, since it’s affecting each and every person within a household.
Grief is not only an emotional response to a situation, but it also can be physical. Grief can share many similar symptoms with other mental disorders, especially depression and anxiety.
Common symptoms of grief include:
Disbelief
Shock
Anger
Periods of depression
Lack of sleep
Change in appetite
Grief can make you feel like you don’t even want to function everyday like you used to. Needs that you may need may not be fulfilled by a parent who is experiencing significant amounts of stress and grief. Even if the grief from a loss affects a whole household, everyone processes grief differently. It’s important to be understanding of one another’s grieving processes. Don’t be judgemental. Grief is experienced through stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Some people take more time to grieve than others. The situation that led to grief doesn’t necessarily determine the severity of the symptoms and the length to achieve acceptance. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
How To Talk To And Support A Parent Experiencing Grief
Make time to sit down with your parent and discuss the individual grieving process. This communication will give you a chance to understand each other better. Having a support system directly in the home is valuable, especially when it comes to the grieving process. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your parent. Show them that you understand. If you’re both experiencing grief, find out the best ways that you can help each other. Things like grief counseling can really help you and your parent through the process. You can even talk about grief and other family matters in family counseling. You can choose to go alone or together as a family.
If you’d like to read more about the stages of grief and how grief affects people, check out these blogs:
6. Understanding A Parent With Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar Disorder is also referred to as Manic Depression.
Bipolar Disorder can be categorized into 3 different specific types that include:
Bipolar I Disorder
Manic episodes that last for at least 7 days
Severe manic symptoms
Depressive episodes (can last around 2 weeks)
“Rapid Cycling”
Bipolar II Disorder
Patterns of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes
Hypomania is typically less severe than mania
Cyclothymic Disorder
Recurring hypomanic and depressive symptoms that are not severe/long enough to be considered Bipolar I or II
Unfortunately, Bipolar is a disorder that can take a very long time to fully assess and diagnose. Many people can live their whole lives without knowing if they have a form of BP. The symptoms for BP are really hard to notice and understand as someone who doesn’t have it.
How To Help And Support A Parent With Bipolar Disorder
As a child with a parent with Bipolar Disorder, it can be very difficult to determine how your parent is actually feeling. Mood swings and mania can make it really difficult for someone with Bipolar Disorder to manage their emotions. Further education and understanding of BP is important to understand and connect with a parent that may have it. Try asking your parent more about their Bipolar Disorder and how it may affect their daily functioning.
Tying Everything Together: How You Can Utilize These Tips To Better Communicate With Your Parent
Regardless of the mental disorder and/or illness that your parent may have, communication is the best way to understand what your parent may be going through. On the other hand, as the child it’s important to convey your needs. Of course, young children may not understand what their needs are, however, mental illness may get in the way of a parent trying to provide for their child. They may not even realize it. So try to communicate with your parent and let them know that not only are you there for them, but you also need them to be there for you.
Talking about and educating you on different mental illnesses and disorders in this blog can only do so much. There’s many other forms of mental illness that you can learn about. Other than what you read on the internet, family counseling is a great option to connect with your parent. Family therapy/counseling is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on improving communication and resolving problems within the family unit. There are no requirements for family counseling. However, try to go into it with an open mind and a goal. If group family therapy sessions aren’t for you, you can try out individual therapy to discuss the relationships within your family. It’s up to you to figure out what works best for you and your family.
Enjoyed this blog? Check out these other blogs related to family relationships:
Olivia Charletta
is studying Human Services with a concentration in Clinical Services at the University of Delaware. She’s a Junior and plans on getting her Master’s after she graduates and to learn more about children with psychological disabilities. In the future, she wants to work as a therapist who specializes in play therapy.
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