As a human being, you may have built natural filters that purify what you let into your life. You can think of this as a guard or wall that you have constructed to not let surrounding emotions and energies into your space. You do this to safeguard yourself from excessive stimulation, but what happens when those walls drop down and you have no barrier? Welcome to the life of an empath.
An empath is like a sponge that absorbs the world’s problems and takes them as his or her own. As an empath, you may have a higher sensitivity to certain people, places, or sounds, especially people with big personalities or hectic settings. You feel things very deeply and give your whole heart to everything you do.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is an empath?
An empath is a person who is very much in touch with their feelings and the emotional states of people around them. What the person next to them is feeling, an empath feels just as much.
While empath and empathy may sound the same, they have two different meanings. The two terms often get mixed up and misunderstood, but what an empath feels exceeds empathy. Empathy refers to the ability to understand the emotions of another person. However, as an empath, you not only comprehend those emotions, but you take those emotions on for yourself.
Researchers have shown the existence of “mirror neurons” in the brain. Mirror neurons help you mirror the feelings of the people you come in contact with. Scientific evidence has proven that some people have more mirror neurons than other people, suggesting that empaths do exist as it has been questioned in the scientific community for some time.
It has been suggested that empaths have a hyperactive mirror neuron system which marks them as high on the empathy scale. Therefore, when someone is in pain, an empath may feel like the pain is actually happening to them. On the other hand, a narcissist will be on the other end of the scale, experiencing empathy-deficit disorder.
With that being said, empaths are relatively rare with only 2% of the population being an empath.
How do I know if I am an empath?
To know if you are an empath, it will require some self-exploration and a look at your behavioral and emotional patterns. You will have to analyze your characteristics and traits in association with empathy.
As an empath, you showcase a great deal of empathy. Perhaps you are gifted at reading other people’s feelings. Your heightened sense of empathy makes it easy for you to form deep emotional connections with people you care about. You may even feel a strong urge to heavily support them through difficult life transitions.
It is no surprise that empaths also have a great intuition. You can trust your instincts and go with your first gut reaction to matters. Because you are able to deeply understand how others are feeling, you can gather cues or not-so-obvious information that helps you in your decision-making process.
You also care a lot about other people. You understand their needs, goals, and fears so you often go out of your way to do your best in making sure other people feel seen, heard, secure, and happy. Due to this nature, people may describe you as a “warm-hearted person.” While this is a great thing, it can also make it that much more difficult to establish and enforce boundaries with other people.
If you are an empath, you will find that you are a highly sensitive person and you are not just sensitive to other people’s emotions and energies. You take everything into consideration, including sights, smells, sounds, physical sensations, and so on. You get easily affected by other peoples’ moods, even if this person is not particularly expressive with their emotions.
If you want to find out if you are an empath, try asking yourself the following questions:
Do you take on other peoples’ stress?
Do other people describe you as empathetic?
Do you feel overwhelmed in crowded environments?
Has anyone ever told you that you were “too sensitive”?
If you answered “yes” to the majority or all of these questions, there is a good chance that you may be an empath. There is no exact, established criteria to being an empath.
Typical traits of an empath
At our core, humans are social beings who thrive off of interaction with other people, including helping those around us. Neuroscientists have uncovered the ‘empathy circuit’ in the brain. If this circuit is damaged, it can make it harder for someone to relate to what a person is feeling, unlike an empath.
Here are some common traits that empaths share:
Good listeners - Empaths are known to be great listeners. If you are an empath, you may find that total strangers confide in you and start spilling their problems. These people are put at ease by your striking level of compassion and they know that they can trust you with their secrets even if it rationally does not make sense
Curious - Empaths have an innate curiosity for the world around them. You love learning new things and want to consume information incessantly
Need for constant stimulation - In alignment with an empath’s undying curiosity, empaths lose interest quickly whether they are at school, work, or home. They have to constantly be stimulated and, if they are not, they may be off in a daydream somewhere
Great storytellers - Empaths are curious and creative due to their complex and special imagination. They have a gentle nature and a mind full of knowledge which makes people want to listen to them when they are speaking
Why is it important to know if I am an empath?
Knowing that you are an empath allows you to dive deep into the exploration of yourself, including your emotional experiences and the reactions you have to certain places, people, or things. When you understand your reaction to other peoples’ emotions, it also helps you make sense of your own feelings and behaviors too.
Since you often take in the emotions of the people around you, it is not uncommon to feel emotionally depleted and experience emotional burnout. When you understand your empathic tendencies, you can give yourself the grace to create boundaries with loved ones. Boundaries protect your well-being and give you the space you need to recharge. For help, check out our blog “6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Enforce Them.”
Branching off of this, you will also need to develop ways to build emotional resilience as an empath. One way to do this is working with a therapist for empaths. At Anchor Therapy, we have licensed mental health counselors who can teach you effective ways to manage and cope with the emotional intensity you are experiencing. The experience of working with a therapist for empathy can positively contribute to your overall well-being.
There are unique challenges and strengths associated with being an empath but those hardships may feel like too much to bear on your own.
Here are some reasons why you may seek mental health counseling as an empath:
Coping strategies
Emotional boundaries (Check out our blog “How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships”)
Self-understanding
Managing stress and other emotions (Read our blog “Everything You Need To Know About Stress Management Therapy”)
Relationship dynamics
Identity
Career coaching
Goal-setting
Mindfulness
Self-care (Read our blog “The 8 Forms of Self-Care and How You Can Practice Them”)
Next, while some people may view being an empath as a negative thing in a relationship since you may adopt your partner’s problems and emotions, it can actually be a good thing. Your empathic abilities can improve your romantic relationship by giving you the knowledge to navigate communication and conflict with a better sense of your emotions as well as your partner’s emotions. This leads to a supportive connection. For tips, check out our blog “4 Communication Tips Couples Need To Know.”
Lastly, understand that your empathy is a strength despite its special challenges. When you value the positive aspects of being an empath, you can develop deep connections with other people and offer real empathy and support.
What are the benefits of being an empath?
There are many advantages to being an empath. First and foremost, you have the ability to form deep and meaningful connections with other people which is typically challenging for a lot of people. By offering empathy and understanding, you can nurture authentic relationships and friendships.
A big area where empaths excel is communication. Empaths have the ability to pick up very easily on non-verbal cues and emotions which gives them an advantage in the communication sphere. By doing this, you have an enhanced sense of understanding in both personal and professional connections.
While many people may believe empaths help others too much (even to their detriment), empaths view helping other people as a soul-nurturing activity. If you are an empath, it is likely that you feel fulfilled after helping a family member, friend, or even a complete stranger with a task.
Your ability to see one situation from multiple points of view makes you great at conflict resolution. While empaths may shy away from confrontation and conflict themselves, they are good mediators due to their ability to read other peoples’ emotions. You may be good at promoting understanding between individuals or groups.
It is not uncommon for empaths to have a high emotional intelligence level. This makes it quite easy for you to navigate social situations with empathy, creating strong interpersonal relationships and successful collaboration.
Last but not least, as an empath, you have strong gut feelings and you often trust your intuition. Your elevated awareness is valuable when it comes to making a decision, solving a problem, or navigating different life transitions.
What are the downsides of being an empath?
Along with the strengths, come the weaknesses of being an empath. It is important to be aware of the downfalls of being an empath so you can work to mitigate these risks.
As an empath, you may have a hard time processing emotions since you are taking on so much all the time. You may experience an emotional overload that can lead to serious issues, such as exhaustion, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. For more information on the physical symptoms of anxiety, check out our past blog “3 Ways to Manage Your Physical Anxiety Symptoms.”
Since you are taking on so many emotions, you may have a hard time distinguishing which emotions are actually your own versus someone else’s feelings. You may feel confused about your own feelings and challenges, leading to a diminished sense of self.
You may also come across “emotional vampires”- also known as people who want to drain your energy. Emotional vampires may consciously or unconsciously look for empaths who can support them without the so-called emotional vampire reciprocating the support. This can leave you feeling drained as an empath.
Crowded places have a high level of emotional energy which can feel overwhelming for you. Concerts, parties, and big cities can lead to sensory overload. After this experience, you may feel like you have to be alone to recharge.
If an environment is particularly negative, such as a conflict-ridden or very stressful situation, you may find that it takes a toll on your mental health. Since you are highly sensitive, a negative emotional atmosphere can have grand effects on you.
As an empath, you may fear being rejected or criticized more than the average person since you have heightened sensitivity to feelings. Negative feedback or conflict with a close friend or partner may leave you questioning your self-esteem and wrecking your confidence.
If you resonate with being an empath, it is important to fully accept it. You should feel like you have been gifted with a superpower, not feel like you are burdened by this unique ability. When you acknowledge that you are an empath, you become in control of your emotions and can put your empathy to good use!
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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