Most people who experience ANXIETY over analyze everything happening in their life constantly. People with anxiety are either over analyzing something that happened in the past or they are worried about what might happen in the future. A common example of a worry is about future plans. People who experience anxiety are more likely to cancel their plans last minute because they are spending so much of their time stuck worrying.

Whether you have anxiety yourself, or you know someone who has anxiety, then it would be helpful to learn more about anxiety and how it can sometimes present as not caring for others and not wanting to be social. but that is not what is actually going on. When people with anxiety cancel plans last minute, there is usually much more going on.

Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.

They’re overwhelmed
Someone who has anxiety usually worries often and feels overwhelmed by it. There are so many thoughts running through their mind that it is hard to slow them down and process any of them. To use a specific example, let’s say you experience anxiety and you have made plans to go to happy hour with a group of coworkers after work. As the day and time approaches, your anxious thoughts increase. You feel worried you may come off in a way you don’t want to around your coworkers in a setting outside of work. You may feel worried about drinking alcohol in front of coworkers, you may feel you’re too awkward to socialize with people you’re not friends with, and so on. As the work day comes to an end, these thoughts can increase to a point that you’re not processing them and they become all consuming. This can lead to feelings of overwhelm. Usually when someone is feeling overwhelmed and anxious, they will want to avoid what is causing them to feel that way. That would be the time that you would come up with an excuse to not go to happy hour and you will back out of the plans last minute. This will give you a sense of relief in the moment as now you don’t have to worry about it. But what actually is happening is that you’re feeding into your anxiety and letting it grow.
A way to help this overwhelm would be to slow down your anxious thoughts. As a scheduled event gets closer, you should recognize any anxious thoughts that come your way. You can then focus on one at a time and really process the worry. This is part of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). If you’re interested in CBT for anxiety, read our blog “How You Can Treat Your Anxiety Using CBT.”
CBT shows that if we can refocus and challenge our anxious thoughts, we will in turn feel less anxious, and then will act differently. It takes a lot of practice in order to sort through your anxious thoughts, slow them down, and challenge them. An example would be that you have the thought, “What if my coworkers think I’m boring when they talk to me outside of work?” Instead of letting this thought snowball into others, you will stop there and focus on this thought. Ask yourself how your family and friends see you. Do they think you’re boring? Why do you think you’ll actually be boring? This is something that’s happening in the future, so how do you know what’s going to happen? You don’t. You can reframe this worried thought so that you feel more curious about how it will be to interact with your coworkers outside of work. You never know until you try. And then the different behavior that comes after this would be that you would follow through and attend the work happy hour.
They’re exhausted and it’s hard to pretend everything’s okay
When someone experiences a high level of stress and anxiety, they can feel physically and mentally drained. If you need help with stress management, check out our blog “Everything You Need To Know About Stress Management Therapy.” On a good day, you can put on a fake smile and make it through the day. To do this while you're feeling physically and/or mentally anxious though can cause extreme exhaustion. You may find that at the end of your day, you need to cancel plans you made for later since you need to go home and take some time to let that mask slide away so that you can relax and feel yourself. Usually social plans are filled with laughter and good times. But for someone who is anxious, having a plan can actually increase their anxious thoughts because it may cause them to go out of their comfort zone and socialize. Read our blog “6 Helpful Tips for Living With Social Anxiety” for some tips.
They don’t want to burden you with their problems
Going out and socializing is usually a fun time with friends, but this can feel the opposite to someone who has anxiety. If someone is anxious, they may not be in the mood to socialize and put extra effort in to have fun and keep up a positive conversation. Usually people with anxiety don’t want to burden their friends or family with their problems.
If you find yourself feeling this way, you should take note that these people in your life are there for a reason. Your family and friends make up your support system. They’re there for not only for the fun times, but also through the tough times. Sometimes people who experience anxiety find that seeing a mental health therapist helps them talk about their anxiety in a safe and appropriate space.
They feel on edge and can’t cope with a situation outside of their control
This is a common reason for why people who feel anxious cancel plans last minute. They find that they’re feeling so on edge that it’s hard to use coping techniques that usually work for them. When you add in a situation that is outside of their control or comfort zone then this will increase their feelings of anxiety. Read our blog “7 Ways To Let Go Of Control Issues” if you struggle with going with the flow.
If you have a friend or family member you know who is anxious then it may be helpful to allow them to pick the place they want to go to. This gives them the feeling of control and they can pick a place they feel comfortable going to. Or if you are the person who feels anxious then this is something to take note of. You may want to express your feelings with your friends and family that it’s helpful for you to have some control over where you go or what you do in a social situation. There will be some events that are outside of your control. This is also okay. You just need to mentally prepare yourself to remind yourself constantly that you are okay and safe in this different place. You can look up directions on how to get there, look at a restaurant’s website to get a feel of what it looks like or the menu, or you can always ask questions about where you’re going. It will help to feel prepared to help ease your anxiety. But you also want to push yourself to attend the event even if you continue to feel anxious. By going to somewhere outside of your comfort zone, it will actually decrease your anxiety in the long term.